


Always On My Mind

by evs14u



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, F/M, Long-Term Relationship(s), love and angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 22:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 51,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evs14u/pseuds/evs14u
Summary: Charlotte and Seth's life together and apart.





	1. Chapter 1

“Mom, I don’t want to go.” I rolled my eyes; we had this fight every couple of weeks.  

“You promised.”

“Mom.” I felt like I was five years old again. 

“Three a year Charlotte, that is all I ask for. Three parties a year. Is that too much to ask?” It took all my might not to groan.

“Most people only host three parties a year.” I opened my laptop and scanned the Google News headlines, while my mother kept going on her usual routine. If I wanted to I could have timed it.  

“But we aren’t most people. Plus you owe me you haven’t been to a party in months.”

“I have been working.” This was perfectly true. I had been, but maybe I had arranged my schedule so I would be out of reach even for my mother.  

“You’re always working, and it’s done you are coming. Maybe you’ll even meet someone….” I knew I had lost, that tone meant she had conspired with someone to clear my schedule.  

“Mom I don’t need you to set me up.” This was the other fight we kept having.  

“Charlotte you are 28.” She said that like she thought it was a defect.

“So what? I am successful and independent. I am successfully independent. I just happen not to be dating anyone, and after everything that happened with Matt…”

“Matt was 3 years ago. You have to get back out there.”

“Why?”

“Because I am your mother and I say so.” There was my childhood in a nutshell.  

“I am twenty-eight mother. The days of you bossing…”

“Charlotte do not talk to your mother that way.” That was Dad in the background. Probably sitting at the table reading the newspaper and shaking his head. I knew I had officially lost. If they’d agreed there was nothing I could do.  

“Fine dad.”

“So you’ll come?” Now my mother was excited. I slumped over on my keyboard.

“Of course.”

“Good I’ll have Armando send over some pieces.” 

“Ugh.”

“If you are going to come to one of my parties you will be dressed for…” I had to cut her off, or this was never going to end.

“Yes.”

“Ok be there at 6.” Two days later I was sitting in my New York hotel room, pondering that night’s party. The [dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vponsalewedding.co.uk%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F12%2FMidnight-Navy-Short-Bridesmaid-Dress-2014.jpg&t=NGFiNDBjZDk0YTliZTgwZmU1MWE0ZWFjMDkwMDE0NzJmMDQyYTIyOCxnWHRvNFo1dw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F154786031357%2Fchapter-1-an-let-me-know-what-you-think&m=1) was beautiful, and it was New Years Eve so why not? The biggest non-event of year and I would be at the center of THE party, and all I wanted to do was run as far away as possible. 

As soon as I had stepped out of the elevator into my mother’s penthouse, I knew I was both at the right place and the wrong one. I hated crowds like this, everyone trying too hard to impress, and only caring if they could get a leg up. That was my mother’s industry. 

She could make anything happen in the entertainment industry. My mother had worked her way up inch by inch, and here I stood wanting to be anywhere else. From somewhere behind me I heard someone call my name. I turned to see a scrawny looking man-child, who seemed to have just put away his beanie and tote bag.  

“Yes … oh hello… you are…?”

“John Elvis we met downstairs. I was the second tree in the Christmas special your mother…” I rolled my eyes, this also happened at every party. Some “up and coming” actor trying to worm himself in.

“Are you here to charm the pants off me so my mother will give you a part? I’ll make you a deal. If you can guess of the poet that I am thinking of right now. I’ll do everything and anything you want tonight.” 

“Uhh… Frost?”

“No dice sorry.” Luckily, he had the grace to slink off.  

“Was that the best way to treat a guy?” Asked a man at the bar. Now he was handsome. Dark hair and eyes, and that tux fit him perfectly.

“He wanted in my pants and in my mother’s wallet. He got what was coming for him.”

“If I promise not to try to get into your pants or your mother’s wallet will you tell me the poet?” I smiled, and sat next to him at the bar.  

“Dorothy Parker.”

“Why?” I was taken aback.

“You know you are the first person to ask me that? I change it at everyone of these insufferable parties but tonight it’s “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid”.” 

He smiled and my heart lifted. I needed him to stay. I could not get through this party alone or sober.

“Can I get you something to drink?” He asked as if he had read my mind. 

“God, yes please.” I got off my chair and went behind the bar.

“Wait what are you doing?” He looked genuinely mortified. 

“Making a drink.”  I started to pull the alcohol from the shelves.

“There is a guy that is doing that.” He was nervous. He wanted to make a good impression, but he didn’t look like he needed to. That suit was definitely custom made, and he didn’t see like the groveling type. It seemed that he simply wanted to be courteous.

I gave him a quick smile. “He is serving other people and I am too sober to wait.”

“Ok…” He was still nervous. Good. He wasn’t one of those assholes that just because they had made a semi-successful movie thought they owned the world and everyone in it.

“So what will it be…?” I asked, hoping he would fill in his name. 

“Seth.”

“Charlotte.”  

“Jack Daniels neat.” I smiled again and grabbed the bottle

“Good choice, I like you already… Oh shit pretend you’re talking to me.” I leaned closer over the bar, our noses inches away from touching.  

“I am talking to you.” He looked confused.  

“Good, keep going.” As my mother’s “friend” scurried away I leaned back again. I poured him his glass, and walked back to sit beside him. He shifted to see me better.  

“Why are you scared of that guy?” He was grinning, only because he he hadn’t met my mother. 

“He is one of my mother spies.”

“Your mother has spies?”  

“She is Cersei Lannister if…. wait no she is just Cersei Lannister.”

Still grinning he asked “So you’re the product of one unholy union?” 

I laughed again I really did like him.  

“Yeah in a way. Never mix academia and a bottle of port.” He chuckled and my heart fluttered. “Why are you here?”

“My boss made me.” The fluttering stopped, of course he was one of these Hollywood people. He seemed nice enough though, and I needed to ward off more “up and comers”.

“You?”

“Family. I told you my mother… God I don’t want to bore you with that.” How had this turned into a conversation about my mother? I was never coming to another party again.  

“Go for it. I already have my drink.” What surprised me was that he looked genuinely interested. If he did have ulterior motives, he was one hell of an actor.

“Ok… my mother dragged me to meet men.”

“Really?”

“It wasn’t enough for her that her daughter has been in the running for a Pulitzer for the last 2 years, but she isn’t married so…” I cut myself off. “Sorry. That sounded horrible.”

“You were in the running for a Pulitzer, as journalist or did you write a really successful musical?”

“The former I am afraid.”

“What do you cover?”

“International conflict.” This is it usually went off the rails, people didn’t want to hear about what I did and saw, but he looked interested.  

“Your business is thriving.”

“Yeah I know, but it’s funny I go to these places and I see such humanity. So much kindness. These people have just lost everything and most of them are so kind and generous. No matter what they were in a former life at that moment they are so willing to help one another.”

“So what are you doing home?”

“Writing my piece. I work for the Economist. Two weeks of leg work, and two weeks home to write.”

“Isn’t the Economist…?”

“I live in London.” I saw some sadness flash through his eyes, so he didn’t want to stop talking to me either.

“And you come to your mother’s parties?”

“I think she called my boss, and forced him to give me New Years off.”  

“So where are you going next?”

“Bangladesh” At his confused look I added, “child brides.”

“Christ,” he breathed.  

“Yeah… I’ll let you know how it goes.”

A smirk was playing around his lips. 

“How do you know you and I are going to see each other again?” 

Someone moved suddenly in the crowd behind him and I jumped. I realized how close we were. Without realizing it we had edged closer and closer together.

“One of my mother’s peons has already spotted us, which means she will pester me until I call you. So I am sorry in advance.”

“I would love a call from you.” He seemed genuine.

“I prefer to text actually. It allows me not to look like a complete idiot.”

“Text it is.”

“Do you wanna get out of here …” I gestured to the elevator. “They are about to start serving food, and if I have to eat whatever bird my mother has shoved up another bird’s ass. I will kill someone.”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“I would kill for some Chipotle.” He got down from his bar stool and held out an arm, I smiled and grabbed it. The second we touched it was as if little lightning bolts were shooting through my hand. “They don’t make them like you anymore.”

Twenty minutes later we were sitting on cold hard benches and eating fast food. It was glorious, and all the way down to the restaurant he hadn’t let go of my hand.

“The bowl is the only way to go.” I said gesturing my plastic fork at him. 

“Blasphemy, burrito all the way.”

“Yeah, but I am a lady and I can’t be seen eating like…. well like that.”  I said, as I saw him take a huge bite, with the burrito falling apart in his hands.

“Do I have something on my face?” he asked with mock innocence.  

“Yeah come here.” I pulled out one of the cheap napkins and wiped his face.  

“Thanks.” We sat a couple of minutes in comfortable silence eating.

“You know we are getting all the stares?” 

“It might be the attire.” He said gesturing to his undone bowtie. 

“You sure? You do have an abnormally large forehead. Maybe they want to put you in a museum.” He laughed again. Good, he wasn’t high on himself or his looks.  Another twenty minutes later we were strolling back along the sidewalk.

“That was really nice.”

“Where is home for you right now?”

“The Marriott on forty seventh.”

“Nice.” He looked impressed. I hated it. I hated that our money was on display like that. “I’ll walk you.”

“You don’t have to.” I thanked the heavens that I had worn flats to this particular dinner.  

“I do and also want to.” A gentleman, he kept pleasantly surprising me. When we reached the hotel, I made a quick decision.

“Come upstairs with me.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him hands grip my waist. At least I wasn’t alone in this.  

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Or maybe I was.  

“Why?” I thought we had hit it off. I mean my sense for these things was bad, but not this bad.

“Because I want you to text me when you get home from Bangladesh, but I’ll compromise with you. How about a kiss?”

“I’ll take it.” He lent down and kissed me. It was blissful oblivion, like nothing else mattered but the way he was cradling my head or the way his lips felt on mine… but then it was over. Like a soap bubble popping in the hot sun. He pecked my forehead, gave me a wink, and pressed his number into my hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Five minutes after I had made it into my bed I pulled out his number and my phone. 

 **Charlotte:**  So there is this rule about texting too early, but I am too cool for that.

I quickly added.

 **Charlotte:**  I had a really nice time tonight

My phone pinged two seconds later.

 **Seth:**  Throwing caution to the wind I like it

 **Seth:**  and I did too

Then I heard a knock at my door. Of course it was my mother.

“Charlotte where did go? Mark saw you leaving with…”

“Yes, I went out with a guy.”

“Where?”

“Chipotle.” I rolled my eyes.

“We had The Fowl De Cochon.” As if she didn’t know the dead birds and the people eating them were the problem.

“Exactly.”

“I never thought you would like a guy like Seth MacFarlane.”

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“Oh I keep forgetting you are never home.” Seeing my nonplussed look she added, “He is a hotshot producer for Fox.”

“What shows?”

“ _Family Guy_  and something else, and he made a movie about a talking teddy bear.”

“He seemed nice.” I shrugged.

“Don’t stop talking to him because…”

“I won’t Mom.” The truth was I didn’t want to stop talking to him, no matter what he made.  

“So you are talking to him.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll let you keep doing that,” and with a last knowing look she was gone.  

 **Charlotte:** So hotshot producer

 **Seth:**  who?

 **Charlotte:**  You. My mother just told me. So your boss is FOX how does it feel to work for a network (insert latest shit they said)?

 **Seth:**  Getting harder every day

 **Charlotte:**  Sorry. I am going to Google you now, anything I should be warned about?

 **Seth:**  Don’t just read the first thing

 **Charlotte:**  what kind of journalist would I be if I did? Be right back

 **Charlotte:**  Bad sign: you are not in the suggested search results for your first name

 **Seth:**  Damn I knew I was missing something. I’ll get my publicist on that.

 **Seth:**  I am kidding

 **Charlotte:**  Shh I am reading and taking notes

 **Seth:**  Wait you are actually taking notes

 **Charlotte:**  Journalist remember.

 **Charlotte:**  Woodberry really? Who knew someone could named after an outlet mall

 **Charlotte:**  Nominated for an Oscar for a movie about a talking teddy bear. Respect.

 **Seth:**  It was the song

 **Charlotte:** Ok so according to Rotten Tomato  _A Million Ways To Die In The West_  is your worst film. I am going to start there.

 **Seth:**  WHY???

 **Charlotte:**  Because it can only get better right? Also give me 3 episodes of both Family Guy and American Dad I should watch.

 **Seth:**  Why are you doing this?

 **Charlotte:**  because I think you’re funny, and you seem like the kind of guy who throws everything he has into a project. So I want to see what your everything is. Now shh I am about to torrent a movie.

 **Seth:** You could pay for it.

 **Charlotte:** I saw how much you’re worth you don’t need the money, and weren’t you all hot for Sanders?

 **Seth:**  I thought you were just looking at the movies

 **Charlotte:**  that would make me a bad journalist. Now shh I am trying to watch a movie

**_About 90 minutes later_ **

**Charlotte:**  Ready to hear what I think

 **Seth:**  That depends on what you have to say.

 **Charlotte:**  too bad. So from what I can tell I got the uncut version. First off, the rape joke was disgusting and not funny. You are lucky you are still receiving these texts because I liked the rest of the movie. Also Charlize Theron, my God that woman is amazing.

Before he could respond I added. 

 **Charlotte:** If you are about to explain the joke. Don’t it was funny it was just shit.

 **Seth:**  yeah I know

 **Charlotte:**  good

 **Seth:**  Favorite scene?

 **Charlotte:**  I don’t know I laughed at the vagina joke…

 **Charlotte:**  the Django joke was good. The daisy in the ass was great, and the whole prostitute waiting for marriage thing was nice. It does suffer a bit from the whole white man gaze a bit, but I love Aaron Sorkin so what do I know?

 **Seth:**  I know

 **Charlotte:**  Self-aware are we?

 **Seth:**  I wasn’t when I wrote it. I have had people tell me

 **Charlotte:** good

 **Charlotte:**  I did like, I promise. I will watch the rest tomorrow on the plane I promise.

 **Seth:**  you’re going to watch my movies on a plane to Bangladesh

 **Charlotte:**  well on a plane to London to get to Bangladesh but yes.

 **Seth:**  That is weird, and feels a bit inappropriate

 **Charlotte:**  if it makes you feel better I read  _Fifty Shades of Grey_  on the way back from the Congo

 **Seth:**  you read  _Fifty Shades of Grey_?

 **Charlotte:**  I had to. If I want to mock and criticize something I must read it first hand. It is the only book I have hated more than  _East of Eden_.

 **Seth:**  Steinbeck?

 **Charlotte:**  don’t get me started

 **Seth:**  I like talking to you, so why Steinbeck?

 **Charlotte:**  tomorrow I promise ****

Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep listening to Seth softly singing _Ship Without A Sail._


	3. Chapter 3

After Bangladesh I was so emotionally spent that I needed some mindless fun something…. I needed to see Seth again. He seemed like the only thing that wasn’t tainted by my work, someone to just laugh with. So I called my mother. This was going to be excruciating.

“Charlotte how nice to hear from you.”

“We talk every week mother.”

“Yes, but usually I call.”

“I am back in London and I have a favor to ask… do you have a party going on in Hollywood in the next couple of days?”

“No why… Ah it is that MacFarlane guy. You want to see him again.” It wasn’t a question it was a statement. 

“Yes.”

“Why not just tell him that. You are never shy with your words.”  

“Because… I don’t want it to seem like I flew all the way out there to LA just to you know…”  

“See him?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have a party going on but I can check where he’ll be….”

So two days later, I was standing on some rich starlet’s freshly renovated patio sipping what felt like my fifth drink.

“Fancy seeing you here.” My heart skipped a beat. There he was all smiles, ones that really lit up his eyes.

“Yeah my moth… I can’t lie to you. I asked her to get me an invitation to see you. That was desperate wasn’t it?” I felt my face flush.

“A bit but look.” He had pulled out his phone and I quickly read email to his PA to find out where I would be next.

“You didn’t send it?”

“I just didn’t have the balls. By the way I goggled you too.” He smiled devilishly. 

“Oh God what did you find?” Ten thousand embarrassing moments flashed through my head.  

“Your piece on Myanmar was amazing, and your mother is Carol Arden?” 

There it was, this was going to end like all the others. Either he would be too scared to do anything wrong. As not to let a bad impression slip to my mother or he would actively try and pursue her and not me.

“So why leave?” This took me aback; the question was about me not about her.

“Because she is  _the_  Carol Arden. Her name opens doors and I like opening them myself. I didn’t want to be beholden to her so I got my degree and left.”

“Political Science at Harvard?”

“It is quite nice there I was going to go to Yale but have you seen New Haven?

“How dare you?” He feigned a fatal blow.  

“Oh I forgot. Connecticut.” 

“So did you like it?

“I mean I grew up in New York. What was it like growing up in a small town?”

“Looking back great, I wouldn’t trade it, but at the time I just wanted out.”

“I can imagine, by the way your face hasn’t changed since you were in college.”

“How do you?”

“Google images is a wonderful thing my friend.”

“So you looked me up again?” He smirked, he wasn’t wrong. I had spent a lot of money to use the airplane Wi-Fi, and research him a bit more, but I feigned ignorance.  

“You said you were going to bed but you kept looking.”

“I did go to bed I just looked a little more the next day on the way to the airport. Did you know that traffic in New York City is a bitch on New Years Day?” I smiled, but he frowned.  

“I wonder why.” He rolled his eyes. 

“I know why you think it is, and yeah that is part of it but mostly it is the same as always.” The Secret Service had made things harder but not impossible.  

“How could you not want to live in the White House?” I smiled, I always thought I couldn’t like him more but despite all odds he became better and better.

“Beats me. I had an American politics concentration at Harvard. The White House is amazing. It’s the only time I have ever used my mother’s name to get in somewhere.”

“The White House?”

“Tour of the west wing. It was fantastic; I mean the history, and the artifacts. I got to see Teddy Roosevelt’s Nobel Prize, and they let me into the oval office for a minute…. It is the closest thing I have had to a spiritual experience” 

After a couple more minutes of chit chat, I asked what I really wanted to know.

“I have been itching to ask if you have read my Nepal piece?” I loved that piece and the one I was most sensitive about, but I had to know.

“Loved it, you really take people there.” I breathed a small sigh of relief.

“That’s the point.”

“So what about…?” He gestured to himself.

“So what?”

“You are really going to make me ask?”

“I enjoy your facial expressions.” I wasn’t lying I loved the way his face lit up when he talked about something he loved.  

“Ok, what did you think of everything else that I have done?”

“Your opening speech for Bernie was great, full of shit, but great.” He looked exasperated.  

“That wasn’t…”

“I know.  _Family Guy_  is good and I loved the classic literature episode. A _merican Dad_  is better.  _Ted_   _2_  was better than  _Ted 1_. I liked the civil rights angle. It gives the whole thing a bit more humanity.  _Cosmos_  is amazing. I am happy you branched out” 

I stepped closer to him putting a hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear “and my favorite thing is that you got amazing pipes.” I kissed his cheek, but before I could regret my action….

“Charlotte is that you?” I saw Emilia Clarke striding towards me. I could feel Seth tense next to me, but didn’t think anything of it.

“Em? How are you?” 

Em and I went way back. My mother had given her first acting job, and by accident right before she went to audition she ran straight into me. I told her to relax. She did and got the part. We had been friends ever since. Em stopped straight in front of us, looking shocked, but I didn’t care why. I wanted to talk to just to her, I didn’t want to deal with awkward introductions, so I pulled her away. With our schedules being so extreme we almost never got to spend any time together, so I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.


	4. Chapter 4

“How long did you and Emilia catch up for?” Seth asked the next morning. After I had sidled up to him at the breakfast bar. He talked so loud and my head left like it had been hit my a cement truck. **  
**

“All I know is that I can’t drink like I used to, but I did met Tina Fey. I am pretty sure that I told her that the guy I lost my virginity to was a carbon copy of Martin Freeman’s character in _Whiskey Tango Foxtrot_. Accent and all. To be fair is true, but I don’t think she needed to know…” I rubbed my temples. 

“Well I know what I am watching tonight.” 

“God, I shouldn’t have told you either.” I was never going to live this down. “I need to get to the airport.” Hangover and airport was going to be hell.

“London?” he whispered, I nodded.

“Do you have a pet?”

“What kind of question is that?” I asked and was shocked at my own volume. I thought I could hold my tequila.

“Just answer.”

“No, with my job…”

“Stay with me?”

“Excuse me?” I winced, I really needed to learn to speak softly.

“Stay with me, in LA, and write your story here.”

“I have to…”

“It will only be two weeks.”

“Two weeks is a long time.“ I was considering it. He was really great…

“Not really, and I can show you LA.”

“Say you really want me to stay.” He looked confused but obliged.

“I really want you to stay.”

“Ok.”

“That easy?”

“Whatever do you mean?” I said smiling again. I must look like an idiot.

“You don’t seem like the type of person who changes their mind that quickly.”

“You made a convincing argument.”

“How?”

“From what I can tell you are smart, kind, funny, and you aren’t half bad to look at. There are worse ways to spend two weeks.” I could actually see him blush.

“Good to know I meet the criteria.” 

* * *

The next morning, I had already been up for an hour the next day when he came trundling downstairs rubbing his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Finding out what’s good in LA. It turns out not much.”

“You realize it’s seven in the morning.”

“Yes.”

“You are crazy.” He rubbed his eyes again.

“Tell me what is good in LA, all I got was Getty Museum.”

“What about the Hollywood Walk of Fame.”

“Why do I care about were a celebrity once stood and has their name embedded on the ground?”

“How about the Pier?” He still looked half asleep. it was unbearably cute. I scrolled further through my phone. 

“The Griffith Observatory looks amazing. LA county museum wouldn’t be half bad.”

“Then let’s go.” He grabbed his keys from the bowl.

“No.”

“What.”

“You have to work.”

“No, I…”

“Your phone has been vibrating for constantly for the last ten minutes. The only person that rings you that consistently is an immediate family member or a PA. If it was a family member rang you that incessantly, you would have picked up, your PA on the other hand…” He raised his arms in defeat.

“Ok fine.”

“Go do whatever you do to afford this amazing house.”

“You like it?” His face lit up.

“It is amazing. I never thought I would say something like this but, what this house does with light is beautiful.”

“I am happy you like it. I can’t take any of the credit. I had my PA decorate it.” I started following him to the door.

“What are you wearing?”

“This?” I stared down my cargo shorts with the many pockets, my Economist T-shirt and my normal heavy duty backpack, 

“You look like…”

“Like a tourist?”

“No, more like mother of three on her one day off.”

“Good, mothers are always prepared, and if it is her only day off then she can really optimize it.” I winked and walked outside pulling out my phone.

“What time do you think you’ll be back.”

“With what I have planned probably around six, why?”  

“I know a place for dinner,” he said absentmindedly opening his car. “What are you doing?”

“Calling the uber.” I dropped a pin on my phone and turned to him.

“Why?”

“What other transportation is available? Do you have a magic carpet hidden away somewhere?” He smiled.

“No… I didn’t think. Take my car.”

“What the aston martin? The car that says “look at me I made a lot of money in a short amount of time and I want everyone to know about it”.” He rolled his eyes and gave me a crooked smile.

“Let me drop you at the museum.” I canceled the uber and slid into the silver car.

“Thank you.” After about five minutes, I conceded. “Ok this car is very nice.” I ran my hands over the interior level.

“That is what new money buys.”

“I wouldn’t know.” It’s not that our family didn’t have money. We do, it’s just not new. We are New York aristocracy. I wasn’t sure who had come up with that title but, I wanted to smother them. My My great great grandmother had just been looking for a way to make a bit more money, and had built an empire.

“What did Mallory Arden say when her daughter went into the entertainment business?” That was my family, strong women resenting each other for different successful ventures.

“No idea but mom and grandma don’t really talk about it. It is like two caged lions who have earned each other’s grudging respect.” He pulled out of the driveway.

“Thanksgiving must be great.”

“Christmas is better. Grandma always invites a reporter, so we don’t actually talk. Just smile taking pictures.”

“That sounds like shit.”

“Oh it is fucking horrible..”

“Hey, I know Christmas is a while away but if you wanted to…”

“Are you inviting me to Christmas after knowing me less than a month?” I laughed and started to blush.

“I am sorry I was…” He returned the blush.

“Sorry, it was incredibly sweet and I would love to come.” He held up a cable and said.

“Alright first song on you phone if you shuffle.” I did as I was told.

“ _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ ” I smiled. I did love that song.

“Elvis?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t seem like an Elvis girl?”

“I am not, but I am going to get married to this song one day.” He did double take. I elaborated “my grandparents got married to this.”

“So you…”

“No you don’t get it. Elvis sang this to them for their first dance.”

“Elvis was at your grandparents wedding?” The things money can buy, if you just have enough of it.

“He came for the song, not the whole wedding. Since I heard that story… I know what the media says about my grandma, but she is amazing.” Cold, aloof, and calculating, and those were the words they were allowed to use on cable.

“Here we are.” He stopped before the huge museum.

“Thank you.” I leaned over the console and kissed his cheek, then quickly jumped out.

 _A couple hours later._   

 **Charlotte:** I take it back this place is amazing

 **Seth:**  That good?

 **Charlotte:** I mean the art is great but outside.

 **Seth:** Do you like sushi?

 **Charlotte:**  I love sushi

 **Charlotte:**  And I would love to have sushi with you.


	5. Chapter 5

“How was your adventure?” he asked, as I jumped back in the car.

“Great, but if you want to go to dinner I need to change.”

“I never asked how…”

“I have a go bag.”

“Go bag?”

“Whenever you have to “go”, it has your essentials.” I saw him turn off the highway, going back the way we came in the morning. 

“Wait where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Oh, I just need the backseat of your car.” I seem to be good at making him do a double take. I liked surprising him. “I am not shy, I lived on an army base for six months. Afghanistan gives a new meaning to sweat my friend.”

“How can I help?” He looked like he had no idea what to do with his hands.

“My bag is still in your trunk.” 

“What hell is this?” He pulled out pepper spray, condoms, passport, and a small switchblade.  

“Everything I need. Give me the…” He seemed even more lost. I started unbuttoning my shirt, and he averted his eyes quickly, I rolled my eyes. “Just give me the whole thing.”

“So I saw  _Whiskey Foxtrot_  after you went to bed last night.” I found the red [dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fs-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F48%2F43%2F60%2F4843602431354ac9f824b55f426733ad.jpg&t=ZmM0NDRiNDlmZTVjOWFkMjAxNzMyNGQ5ZjNhYjIyZjVjNWRiN2ZiOSwzNWI3NGJPQQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F155395704062%2Fchapter-5-an-let-me-know-what-you-think-how&m=1), the leaf necklace, and the cute peep toe pumps Em had given me for Christmas.

“Oh God.” I went as red as the dress.

“That guy really?”

“Yeah and he even looked like Martin Freeman too. The only difference was that he wasn’t named Ian.”  

“He was such an asshole.”

“And what you are the nice guy?” I snapped back, I hated conversations that started like this. He put up his hands with his eyes still closed. It was quite adorable.

“Not what I meant.”

“I know but I have heard this speech before.”

“But why?” God, why did he care?

“He was the first guy who treated me like an adult. I was alone in a foreign country. My Pashto at the time was broken at best, and he was halfway decent to me. Plus he was a great fuck.”

“Did not need to know that.”

“I am just saying, he is a good guy below all that bravado. He is married now, which is very weird for me, I mean I just…”

“Any of your other old boyfriend resemble movie character.”

“Well there was guy that looked a lot like Kermit…” He laughed, it made my heart jump. It hadn’t done that since Matt’s early days and those had been… but my train of thought was broken by a low wolf whistle. Seth had decided that I must be done by now.   

“Holy shit you look stunning.”

“I know and thank you. So you said something about sushi.” Ten minutes later we were sitting a small corner booth away from most people. Eating some of the best sushi I had ever had.  

“Ok, this place is amazing. It feel like Japan.”

“Let me guess you covered some crazy cult gathering there.”

“G7 summit last year, so yes.” He snorted into his sake.

“What are those like?”

“A lot of people looking very nervous. These people are trained against reporters. They are supposed to show no weakness, so they scurry. It is fun scaring them.”

“What’s your goal”

“In life?” He nodded, “to be able what Bob Woodward gets to do.”

“You want to uncover the greatest American political scandal of all time?”

“I want the clout that that got him. He can sit down with anyone he wants and get a 3 hour interview, with nothing being off topic. That is influence, and his writing is amazing. He can get the president of the United States, arguably the most important job in the world….”  

“Don’t remind me.” I ignored him.  

“…Important job in the world and stop his day for an interview. That is amazing, but for now I would like to meet him.”

“The president?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Bob Woodward.”

“I thought with your mother, and grandmother…”

“Oh, I could have met him no problem, but I want him to know me for me. Not through my family.” I know making a big deal of it is strange, but I had seen to many people get things they didn’t deserve. Just because their father had just enough money to donate to someone’s next campaign.

“You make it sound like a relationship.”

“Yeah and,” I switched into a valley girl accent “he just don’t notice me.” Another laugh, another heart flutter. I had watched the Corden interview last night so I asked. “So you’re sad that you didn’t get a recount for Christmas?”

“You aren’t?”

“I am more disappointed but, what else was there to expect?”

“What are you talking about?” He looked offended.  

“Civic education is a joke in this country. You know when Americans are asked what they would like to cut most?” I didn’t wait for his response. “Foreign aid. Which by the way is about ½ of 1% of the budget. 2/3rds of the budget is mandatory spending and you know what the big spenders are? Defense and Healthcare. This country is so high on itself, but actually understanding how it works seems to be beyond its citizens.” 

“But why should we? America is a superpower why would…”

“Beside the fact that we do not live alone in this world? How about global stability? How about that this country is built on the back of immigrants. Everyone here is from somewhere else, but no it is all about America. Foreign policy should be a fierce debate, and we should only call expert witnesses. People who know what the fuck they are talking about. America has spent the last hundred years imposing its will on other people, and refusing to understand the people whom they impose their will on. You wanna know why the Middle East is a mess, because no one took the time to understand the cultures that they were possessing, and we haven’t progressed. We sent tens of thousands men and women to die overseas, but how many Americans can tell the difference between Shia and Sunni Muslims? The lack of education breeds fear and ignorance. I just haven’t figured out a way to fix it…” I noticed the smirk that was playing over his features.

“You did that on purpose.”

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” I rolled my eyes.  

“Thanks, good to know.“ The rest of the evening was great, a lot of easy conversation and laughter. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Fuck.” I heard from the kitchen the next morning. Thinking he had tried to cook I rushed out.

“Fuck what?”

“Fuck this.” He held up his computer.

“What?”

“Last night.”

“Yes, I was there…”

“They got us.”

“Did the kids from the other camp tepee our tent?”

“No paparazzi… Look I am sorry…”

“What do you mean?”

“This is us leaving entering and leaving restaurant.”

“Oh damn I thought they found Princess Diana.”

“You’re not bothered by this?”I looked down and at the computer. The had gotten some grainy picture, and probably the matradee to confirm our identity. I know me being back in America wouldn’t take long to get out. I had hoped for a bit more peace though.

“No one’s opinion I care about depends on that picture except…. When did that go live?”

“Ten minutes.”

“She’s getting slow.” Then the phone rang “Get ready for a show” I pressed the answer, and put on my ‘happiest’ voice “Mother.”

“Charlotte Victoria Arden, my assistant just showed me a picture of you. Did our Memorial Card get printed early?”

“No.”  

“So you’re telling me there is a picture of you wearing makeup, and you’re not in my company. You are growing up.”

“I love you mom, how is grandma?”

“She is driving me insane. I mean you would think after years of?” I put the phone down.

“This will go on for a while. Breakfast?”

“I can make grilled cheese?“

“Oh I would love you forever. I need to start work.” I had been putting off starting work. It was so nice warm and happy here. I didn’t want to dive back into my work, but I was itching to write.

“How does writing a story work?” I smiled.  

“I make a lot of notes and a lot ideas for outlines in my two weeks. Now it is a matter of assembly and writing.”

“Computer or paper?” A man after my own heart.  

“Legal pads my friend.” I started using them in college, the extra length had been useful when taking notes. I pulled my work case out of my suitcase. Pulling out my notes, pens, and highlighters, setting up my computer, putting everything in its place.  

“Shit gets lost or damaged and then your work suffers.” He worked his way over to the fridge pulling out cheese and bread.

“Ever lost anything important?” My phone vibrated again and I automatically checked it.

“You keep looking, but not responding, who are you blowing off?” I smiled at his back as set he up the microwave oven.

“International news. It is a news aggregator; it gets all the RSS feeds from different outlets and compiles them into notifications.

“So you know it all.”

“At least an idea. I started it to follow one of my first stories, and couldn’t get off it and now I’m a bit addicted.”

“A news junkie?”

“Yeah.” He plopped in the sandwiches in the oven. “What about your work day?”

“Emails in the morning some recording in the afternoon.”

“Can I come and watch?” I wanted to see him in his element.  

“Yeah sure it’s just down the hall.”

“You have a studio in your house?”

“Are you going to make fun of me?”

“Do people? I mean it is a bit like the president having an Oval Office replica at home, but I get it you don’t want to drive in LA. Plus you do so much work anyway.”

“How do you?”

“I guessed. The sheer amount of output you have, then added all the things that don’t end up in front of viewers.” I looked up to see his cheeks red. “You look embarrassed, why?”

“Because I live in this house and I get constant shit for working. I was on vacation a couple of years ago. I brought work, and actually did it. I love what I do….” I laughed, we seemed to be made for each other.

“You have heard nothing yet. You’re talking to a woman who to this day brings a book to every social gathering. I also may have once broken off a meet-the-parents dinner because my boss wanted to discuss notes on a piece. He was not pleased.”

“The boyfriend or the boss?”

“Both, but for different reasons. It turns out he doesn’t want it in his magazine saying "David Cameron handled Brexit like he handles pigs. He fucks them until only he is done”.”

“And they didn’t want to print that?” He looked scandalized.

“I know.”

“And a book? Did you have one the night we meet?”

“Clash of Civilizations which I am halfway through and need to finish.” I thought longingly of the book, but it was one thing to talk to distract myself with Seth. It was another to full on procrastinate.  

“Well I am happy you haven’t finished, but I’ll let you work.” He walked over with what was a wonderfully grilled cheese sandwich.  

“You probably have a beautiful home office but if you want you can work on the deck with me.” I pointed through the French doors. His face lit up and I felt my heart bounce in my chest.

“I’d love too.” I picked up my case and followed him and the food outside. The patio floored me. It was made of sleek dark wood overlooking a gorgeous waterfront.

“God, I love the architecture of this house.” I marveled at the outside of the house.  

“Happy that you stayed?” I turned my full smile on him.  

“Yes, both for the architecture and the company.”


	7. Chapter 7

A couple of sunlit days later, during one of our many morning work sessions there was a knock at the door.

“Lunch?” I lifted my head in what felt like days of staring at my piece. It had gone really well, too well. It had just flowed out of me. My boss had been happy with it. The whole process had been too easy. He got up and opened the door to reveal a short woman in an immaculate suit holding Mediterranean take-out and what looked like a script.  

“Hey Lexi.” she smiled, when she started to speak her voice caught me by surprise, it was that of a cartoon mouse.  

“Here is lunch as you requested, the dry cleaners did shred the maroon striped tie. I have had words with the owner and he will repay you in full and get you a new tie. Mark wants you to look at a new script he is working on, and you are booked and confirmed on Corden for Friday, do you need anything else?”

“No thank you, just tell Mark that I’ll take a look this weekend.” She nodded curtly and turned on her heel and walked away with perfect posture.

“Wow.” I breathed.

“Yeah she keeps me in check and on schedule. She used to work for a top French diplomat.”

“How could she have fallen so far?”

“Sex scandal.”

“Her?” The incredulity on my face made him laugh.  

“No her boss was caught raping prostitute. The second she found out, she handed in her resignation, refused a severance package, and gave the police everything she had.”

“Ok, I really like her.”  

“Why don’t you have one, with your job…”

“People are always bothering me to get a PA but I would feel bad having someone do all of this stuff for me. It would like having a house elf. I get it with you because you do so much, but me? I am pretty self contained.”

“The way I see it is that Lexi organizes my life so I can do the things I love.”

“I…” My phone started playing  _The West Wing_ theme. He rolled his eyes and started unpacking lunch. I looked at my phone, and saw Iz face smiling up at me. I smiled instinctively and realized for the first time in days that I missed her.

“Hey Iz.”

“What’s up Lotte, we are supposed to have dinner tonight.” Oh shit.

“We are?”

“Yes.”

“Well I can’t make it.”

“Why?” Damn, why did I a detective as a best friend.

“Because…” I cast around for a plausible excuse. “I need to finish the draft of the…” She cut me off with an eye roll.  

“How long have you and I been friends?”

“Ten years.”

“And in all those years have you ever been successful at lying to me?”

“No…. ok fine I am not actually in London.”

“Did your mother kidnap you?”

“No… I am in LA.”

“LA? You hate LA.” At that moment I remembered I wasn’t the only one in the room and quickly ran into my guest room.

“Ok I know that tone, there is a boy there with you.” She was twirling her hair in thought, this was not good. 

“What are you twelve?”

“Maybe, but this is why you have been so cagey. I thought it was just Bangladesh but it’s more. But you don’t care about hookups, you also wouldn’t fly across the Atlantic to go…”

“Isn’t anyone getting murdered?”

“Yeah, but I am on this now.”

“We are just friends.”

“Let me think about this all. You have been cagey since Bangladesh but you are in LA and journalists can’t afford LA.”

“Please stop.” Her eyes lit up.

“New Year’s Eve. You went to your mother’s party, you went to a Hollywood party.”

“Without committing hara-kiri how do I get out of this?”

“Tell me who it is.” I used the first name that popped into my head.

“James McAvoy.”

“Can’t be, you would have had sex with him right there and then you would have called me.”  

“True…” I saw her eyes dart away from the screen. “What are you doing?”

“Googling.”

“Have I told you how much I fear for the safety of London when you aren’t working.”

“Chris Pine.”

“No.”

“Jamie Foxx.”

“No.”

“Michael Fassbender.”

“I don’t think I would be able to walk if that was true.”

“Wait, here you are. You are on Perez Hilton’s website, naughty girl. You aren’t back partying?”

“Oh God.”

“I wish had seen this earlier.” There was a moment of silence, and then I heard. “Nice job Lotte.”

“Iz please be adult about this.”

“No chance of that.”

“I am hanging up now.”

“So… many… jokes… can’t pick.” I just hung up. I walked back to a fully set table.

“Not that is any of my business, but who was that?”

“Detective Inspector Isabelle Williams, on the forefront of crime fighting and my best friend.”

“How did you…?”

“My first assignment in London. I was covering some boring break-ins and she was investigating. She cracked the case, I interviewed her, and we had a couple of drinks.” Seeing the receipt on the counter, I found my purse and started rummaging for my wallet.

“Don’t even think about it. I know that look. You want to pay for the food”

“Come on.” It had been like this for the past two weeks, every time we had been out or even here at home, he hadn’t let me raise a finger or my wallet. It was like he had just walked out a 50’s movie, smile and all.

“Not a chance in hell.” He quickly changed the topic. “Tell me more about  _Clash of Civilizations_.”

“Well it’s Huntington’s hypothesis that most of post-Cold War conflict is based on religious and cultural identity.” He grinned at me.

“Barn burner?” Seeing my face, he added. “If you finish it, could I borrow it?”

“Sure I’ll leave it for you.”

“So where are tomorrow morning?”

“China.”  I was worried about this trip; it didn’t feel like all the other trips. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to leave where I was to go off reporting.

“You really do know all the hotspots.”

“I got an offer to interview some of the dissidents.”

“Just promise me you’ll be safe.” I felt my heart crack a bit.

“I can’t promise that, but I can promise that I’ll do everything in my power to stay safe.” We lapsed into silence eating and occasionally glancing at the other.

“… If I can I’ll send you a signal that I am safe. Internet will be almost unstable as hell, but I’ll try.” He cracked a smile and nodded.

After lunch we headed to his studio, a well light room full of dark paneled wood. I had made it a habit to watch him work a bit every day. It just flowed out of him. He looked like a kid in a candy store, after all of these years and the innumerable amount of hours he had slaved away and he looked as if it was his first day.” I hadn’t realized he was holding out the headphones. 

“Wanna try?” I shrank back into the wall.

“No thank you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are one tough act to follow and I don’t think I am going to be very good at this.”

“No one is good on their first try.”

“You were.” I had read the articles; he had blown people away.  

“I wasn’t.” I raised my eyebrows. “I was ok.”

“There is the reason you were the youngest executive producer in Hollywood. I would rather not make a fool out of myself.”

“But I am the only one here,” That’s my problem, with anyone else this would have been easier.

“Come on you might be great.” He came towards me and held out the headphones again.

“I won’t be.”

“Won’t know till you try.” He tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear. I felt my heart speed up, and before my cheeks could turn into tomatoes I grabbed the headphones.

“Ok fine but if I am horrible, you let me pay you back for lunch.”

“That’s never happening. How about I let you drive my car?”

“I can’t drive.”

“You can't…”

“Never needed to. I went from New York to Boston to London. If I am as horrible as I think I will be you have to read  _Clash of Civilizations_  to me as a bedtime story.” He gave me a bemused look.  

“Deal.”

“And I am not doing the voice.” He smirked, and I moved towards the microphone.

“Wouldn’t want you to put me out of a job.”

“Oh yes because you would be so lost without this.”

“I would be,” he said quietly. I turned around and gave him a sceptical. 

“Really?”

“I know I have done other things recently but I really do love doing the voices. I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t fun anymore.” I gave him a small smile.

“So the line is?”

“Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims!”

“Ok.” I took deep breath, and plunged in. “Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims…” I knew I had totally missed my mark, when I saw him trying to stifle a laugh. “Told you.”

“You have absolutely no sense of timing.” He still hadn’t stopped laughing. “I am sorry, try it again.

“Do I have to?”

“Come on humor me.”

“Happy Thanksgiving… Pilgrims” It had come out all disjointed, and I could hear more laughing.

“You’re putting too much thought into it.”

“Alright this one will do it.” I steadied myself looked at the animation close and thinking I got it said “Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims.” All pretenses was gone, he doubled over laughing.  The rest of the day was spent simply relaxing outside watching the sunset.

* * *

“Time to pay up.” I said plopping myself down on the sofa, and patting the spot next to me.

“I am a man of my word.” Following my lead he sat down next to me and picked up both his glasses and the book.

“You look cute in glasses.” He gave me an embarrassed smile.

“Thanks.” He opened the book putting one arm around me tugging me closer. I relaxed into his chest, and took a deep breath.

“First, human beings in virtually all societies share certain basic values, such as murder is evil, and certain basic institutions, such as some for family….” An hour later he had drifted to sleep. His glassed had become askew and the book had dropped into his lap. I slowly untangled myself, took off his glasses and put them and them and the book on the side table. I was halfway out the door when a pang of guilt hit me. I needed to leave a note. I pulled out a sticky note and jotted down a few words, which I then gently placed on his forehead.

_Thank you for a lovely two weeks, I hope we can do it again sometime._


	8. Chapter 8

I hate flying, and due to a mix-up with my flights, I had to take a small plane from de Gaulle to Heathrow after a 10-hour flight from Beijing. I had never been so thankful for a plane landing. The whole ride had been full of turbulences and my stomach still felt queasy as I pulled rolled my carry on out of the airport. Iz stood there with open arms and a huge smile on her face.

“What are you doing here? Did you set the bathroom on fire again?” That had been a wonderful night with the fire department. Iz was a great but eccentric cook.

“No I just wanted to receive you.” I raised my eyebrows. “I just wanted to take you to lunch.” I felt my stomach lurch.

“I am good on food for a while and I have to go to the office anyway.” I had a debriefing after every trip, it was to be sure I still had all my marbles.  

“No come on let’s spend the day together.”

“It’s 4pm and I am still on China time.” She took my suitcase and flagged down a cab. She was taller and looked fantastic so she always got a cab in seconds.

“So you have to keep awake. I can help you with that. How about we go home so you can unpack. We sit down, you organize your notes and I make you dinner. Then we watch a movie and you get to pick.”

“You are relinquishing movie rights? It must be a special occasion. But seriously what is with all of this?”

“Ok fine I do want to spend the day with you, but I also want to know everything about LA.”

“Ahh there it is.”

“Walk me through everything from first glance.”

“You want a play by play of our entire relationship? I promise you it’s pretty boring.” I mean I had enjoyed it but I doubt it would ever hit the silver screen.

“Trust me it won’t be, this is the first real guy since Mark.”

“We are still just friends and may I remind you Mark and I had a tragic end.”

“Yeah who thought he would run off with that whore?” Our relationship had had an explosive and very public end. The perfect couple had split and everyone had wanted to know why.  

“They seem to be happy.” 

“I still don’t understand why you went to their wedding.” No one had, except my mother and grandmother. Anything to dispense the rumors that I was some sort of scorned woman, out for revenge. 

“Because I had two choices when all the details of our breakup became to light. Either play the scorned woman or be / act supportive. The second one just costs me less energy. They get a form Christmas card every year and that’s it, and I have press off my back.” We got out at our apartment, paid the cab, and started to trudge up 2 flights of stairs.

“But he made you…” We had had this conversation a hundred times.

“Feel small? Yeah but he wanted what he wanted. He called it animal magnetism and I seem not to have any of that.” That had stung, that a relationship I thought was perfect had been smothering him.  

“You will with Seth.” I shot her another eye roll. “I saw the pictures.”

“You mean the grainy paparazzi pictures on a dark sidewalk. You can discern a whole relationship from that?”

“No the ones from inside the restaurant, and those are in hi-def.”

“Wait there is more?” Iz unlocked the door and I felt at home again. Here in our small two-bedroom apartment in the heart of London.

“That’s what happens when you spend two weeks in China.” God she was starting to get on my nerves.  

“Yes risking my neck and interviewing dissidents is on par with bad paparazzi photographs.”

“Lotte listen he is famous and so is your mother. You are going to have your picture taken.”

“I know. I just don’t understand how it is anyone’s business. I get there is a market for it, I just don’t give a shit who Taylor Swift is dating or what pair of shorts Jimmy Fallon is wearing.” She laughed, she enjoyed those rags with every little details of people’s lives. I had more important things to do.  

“I know… I am just saying.”

“Do I at least look half decent in the photos?”

“You look great and the best part is the way he looks at you.”

“Oh not this shit again.” She had done this with every guy I had ever had more than a five-minute conversation with. The Look as she called it was crucial to every relationship.  

“The Look matters.”

“You thought Ginny and Cedric were right for each other.” This had been one of our many Harry Potter debates that we had had over the years.  

“They had The Look.” I could not believe this. “The point is that you two are perfect…”

“Ok whatever let me plug in my phone.” It had died on the stupid bumpy plane ride, only increasing my anxiety.  

“So do you think the dissenters stand a chance?” Despite having never been outside the UK, Iz was better educated than most on international issues.

“Against the current regime? No and definitely not without international recognition and the more Chinese presence grows internationally the less likely that is.”

“Sounds like a happy piece.” Most of my pieces didn’t have happy endings.

“It won’t be but it’s the truth, if you could stop people from buying Chinese products then you might have a shot.” She served up her mother’s curry, one of my favorites. As I was about to sit down my phone lit up with a FaceTime call. Seth’s smiling face started up at me.

“Hey.” There he was t-shirt and backwards baseball cap, what made others look like they had never seen the inside of a museum made him look amazing. 

“You landed safely?” He sounded genuinely concerned. I saw Iz perk up in my reflection.

“Yes, the plane didn’t drop out the sky though it was touch and go there for a second.”

“Hi Seth.”  

“Iz, I presume?”

“Oh a great Hollywood type knows my name I think I might faint.” I reached behind me to swat her away.

“Back to the kitchen with you.” I quickly moved to the living room. I didn’t want Iz to be able to talk but I wanted her to hear everything. “How are you, and did you get my sticky?”

“Yes it took a second to realize I hadn’t become partially blind, and my house always open to you.”

“Thank you.” I realized that the backdrop wasn’t his normal dark paneled office. It was still made with the same dark wood but it was lighter in this new place. “Where the hell are you?”

“Oh I am at work, this is my office.” He spun his chair around showing me a quick blur of what looked like a nice office.  

“That is a nice office. Where are the Emmy’s?” I had learned how shy he was about his awards, and so it had become a constant point of needling.  

“Here in this cabinet.” He pressed a panel above his head and the Emmy’s emerged.”

“You keep them locked up?”

“Yeah, I don’t like looking at them, or having them on display.”

“But you whip them out for high level meetings?”

“Yes,” he flushed. “Every time we get a visit from the FCC.”

“That is an agency I will never understand. Don’t like it, just turn it off. Don’t think your kids should watch it, turn it off.” He was about to respond but my grandmother’s face replaced his with a call from her.

“Hey sorry to cut you off, but my grandmother is on the other line.”

“She doesn’t like to be kept waiting?”

“Oh no, you can not make the great Mallory Arden wait.” I quickly switched calls. Without preamble she just launched into the conversation.

“So I heard you went to your mother’s New Year’s Eve party.” I was lucky that you couldn’t hear eye rolls over the phone. “She gets the grace of your presence and I don’t?”

“Grandmother it wasn't…” I knew that I wouldn’t get away from that party clean. There was always another one coming.

“You better be planning to attend one of my…”

“Oh I am,” I said without thinking.

“Which one?”

“The charity event you are holding.” Grandma was always holding charity events for one cause or another.   

“Oh I didn’t see you on the guest list for Friday.” Shit, I had forgotten about the list. I put her on speaker and started furiously typing an email to my mother begging her to put me on the list without anyone knowing that it had been added so late.

“Of course I am there.”

“Be early I know those Hollywood types do not care about punctuality but I do. Do you have your living arrangements?” Fuck, I did not want to spend the weekend with my grandmother in one of her stuffy hotels.  

“Uhh yes I do. I am staying with a friend.” I hoped Seth didn’t mind.  

“Invite him.” How had she known?

“I don’t think he wants to…” It was one thing to take advantage of his hospitality; it was another to drag him to an event. He liked his quiet evenings, but it would be nice to have a lifeline.

“Just invite him, I don’t bite, and it’s for a good cause. Remember elegant formal wear.” I had never dressed inappropriately for one of her events but that didn’t stop her from reminding me.  

“Yes grandma.” After I was done, I exchanged a quick look with Iz, while mine was full of exasperation, but she was positively giddy. I quickly called Seth back, hoping that he was ok with a sudden drop by.

“Hey so you know how you said your house is open to me any time?”

“Yes.”

“How about Friday?”

“Why, are you fleeing the country?”

“I wish, no my grandmother is holding a charity thing, since I attended one of my mother’s events, I have to attend one of hers.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It’s about to get more fun. I had to tell her where I was presumably staying. So I had to tell her, and she asked me to invite you. Look, I am sorry I presumed, you are at perfect liberty to decline…”

“An evening where I can have the most beautiful woman on my arm and give away my money to a great cause? That sounds wonderful.”

“You aren’t being sarcastic?”

“I mean every word.” He gave me a big smile.  

“Thank you.” 


	9. Chapter 9

_WARNING - there is a small mention of a suicide attempt later in this chapter._

“Thanks for getting me, and thanks again for the hospitality.” I said, as I got out of the car in front of Seth’s house. I had taken a crazy flight getting in at 3 am LA time and rather than backing out he had been there ready to pick me up. It had been such a relief to see him, but I was so tired.   

“Vicki made breakfast last night. So if you want any…” I stumbled into the kitchen. My stomach was screaming to be filled.  

“Yes. I was hoping that she might have graced your kitchen.” I found some french toast in the fridge. I threw them into the microwave, it was like biting into heaven. “God that is orgasmic. Seriously if I were asked food or orgasms, I would go with food. Sorry, that was too much.” I needed to stop doing that, simply saying everything that comes to my mind.  

“No I like knowing these little things about you.”

“Look this has been great but I am about to fall asleep into my plate. I mean I can do three shows a night but I have the worst reaction to jet lag.” I gave Seth half a wave and two minutes later I was falling fast asleep. 

Some time later I heard my name being called just a way off, but with each iteration the voice became louder and more distinct.

“Charlotte Charlotte.” I opened my eyes to stare straight into his.  

“What …” The gears in my brain went into overdrive. “What time is it?”

“You have about an hour to get ready. I wanted to make sure you are well rested.” I have him a half grateful half exasperated smile, and climbed out of bed. Becoming quickly very aware of the fact that I was dressed in only a worn out Harvard sweatshirt and some boy shorts. I had meant what I had said weeks ago. I wasn’t shy, but it felt different here. I bent over feeling my back ache, and searching for the stupid…

“Go bag?” I heard from behind me. He was holding the small Louis Vuitton bag. 

“Thanks, the garment bag, and those black pumps too, please,” He dutifully handed me all trying very hard to avoid my gaze for some reason.   

“Man you are organized.”

“Gotta be. I have to be able to go at a moment’s notice. You learn a couple of things once you have been through airport security enough.” It took almost an hour to shower, put my hair into curls, and somehow squeeze myself into this beautiful dress that I had “borrowed” from Iz. He sat in the living room, in his tux, reading  _Clash of Civilizations_.

“Hey.” I saw his actually jaw drop a little.

“Pick your jaw off the ground.”

“You look amazing.”

“Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself.” He had donned a simple and very well fitted tux.  

“Ready to mix with a bunch of Hollywood types?”

“God no.” He offered me his arm and we walked out to a waiting limo.

“By the way,  _Clash of Civilizations_  is good but God it’s dense.”

“That happens with Harvard Professors.”

“Did you have him?”

“Yeah in his last years of teaching. He was impressive, he helped reshape American foreign policy.”

“Are there any other books by stuffy Harvard professors I should read?” I rolled my eyes.

“I suggest  _[Presidential Power and the Modern Presidents: The Politics of Leadership](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FPresidential-Power-Modern-Presidents-Leadership%2Fdp%2F0029227968&t=ZDczZmU1YmFiOTY1NGEyMmM2YjZjMWJkMmYxMjg3ZGY1NjFjYTcwOSxnTmJKZFMySA%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F155819561320%2Fchapter-nine-an-please-let-me-know-what-you&m=1) _ by Richard Neustadt especially the parts about the power of persuasion.” There was a moment of us just smiling at each other. It felt good. 

“How was your meeting with your boss?”

“The same as always.” I imitated his gruff voice ““Charlotte did you have a good trip? Did you get hurt? Do you have everything you need? Yes, good, now get out of my office.” I know what you are going to say, yes it is a little harsh but it is effective since he expects the best.”

“What has been your best interview?”

“[Aung San Suu Kyi](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAung_San_Suu_Kyi&t=NTYwNmZjZmY3NmE2ZTVmMzQzMTQ5NTNlMzU0N2RjNjdmY2Y3YWJjMixnTmJKZFMySA%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F155819561320%2Fchapter-nine-an-please-let-me-know-what-you&m=1), while she was still under house arrest. With the state department already in Myanmar, I just kind of sneaked aboard.” I blushed at the memory. I had been so desperate to prove myself.

“What did you do? Stow away in a crate?”

“Kind of. I may or may not have ambushed one of Clinton’s aides and he let me on the plane, but enough about me. Tell me more about your life.”

“You have lived my life.”

“I have lived what I can only imagine is a relaxed version of your schedule for two weeks. I am talking the award shows and the models. The glitz and glamour of Hollywood.” I had never gone as a child. It was one of the few things my grandmother and mother had agreed on.

“It is just people trying to impress and one up each other.”

“What you don’t all sit in a circle singing kumbaya while drinking kale smoothies?”

“Believe it or not no. It is just hard to see who your real friends are, and yes I know that is a privileged complaint.” The light in his eyes had dimmed a bit.

“No I get it. You trust someone and then they use you to get ahead.”

“Or only date you for your money.” We had finally arrived at venue, of course there were paparazzi there. At least Iz could follow online, without me having to text her all night. “It is hard in Hollywood to find someone who truly cares, and who would be with you even when you’re down on your luck.”

“Have you met any of those elusive good friends?”

“Neil is one, Charlize, Bill, Mark, and a couple of others.”  

“Let me guess Professor Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Charlize Theron, Bill Maher, and Mark Wahlberg. And I get it everyone needs people to deflate their ego every once in awhile.”

“Yes, everyone here could do with a couple of those friends. You’ll definitely meet Charlize and Bill tonight.”

“Did you call to see which of your friends were going to be at the fancy party?”

“Did you bring a book?”  

“Doubting that you could keep me entertained for a whole evening?”

“We are about to find out.” We were escorted to the receiving line; there my grandmother was in all her glory. Age had not affected her as it did other women she had become more graceful. Clad as always in an impeccable gown and with the perfect smile hitched to her face.  

“Charlotte.” She put her arms around me and hugged me close for a second.

“Grandmother. Meet…”

“Seth MacFarlane.” She shook his hand, and I could see in his eyes he knew she wasn’t a woman to be trifled with.

“How did…”

“Mom told you didn’t she?”

“She may have briefed me, but only because you didn’t.”

“Not every detail of my…”

“Charlotte, not in public.” Three words and I felt like I was 15 again.

We were guided away from her without another word, and without really wanting to, we were quickly pulled into different directions. 

Some time later, when I wanted to stab the woman across from me who was talking all about how her child didn’t need vaccinations, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Charlotte I would like you to meet Bill Maher.” 

“Nice to meet you.”

“Good choice Seth.” 

“Excuse me?”

“You are the girl he is taking home tonight.” I was taken aback, I knew him only by reputation but I had thought that was exaggeration. He was completely serious.  

“Yes but definitely not in the way, and under no circumstances there will there be sex at the end of the evening.”

“Sorry buddy…” That man’s gall. “So I hear you’re a reporter?”

“Foreign correspondent with the Economist, yes.”  

“Where you among those advocating for a recount?” I had been waiting for this, some of my coworkers had written a piece together advocating for the recount. 

“No I wasn’t.” I saw both of them take a step back.

“How? Why?”

“You don’t want long drawn out contests, because recounts invite more recounts and what if they had showed a different result, do you want Donald Trump to have even an inch more of a mandate? Hillary Clinton had already conceded at that point. The same thing goes with the electoral college.” Rather than responding to me, Bill turned to Seth.  

“You brought a damn fascist.”

“First off I brought him, that woman greeting everyone is my grandmother. Second, I don’t think you have good grasp on what fascism actually is.”

“Your grandmother is Mallory Arden?” That threw him even more off balance, I liked doing that. Especially with someone who had the same big mouth I did.

“You and Sean Hannity do the same job.” I saw the aggravation grow in his face. I held up my hands. “I thought we were stating facts.”

“How do I and…”

“You both use your platforms to push your point of view and your agenda, and belittle those who disagree with you. Religion is a perfect example.” I felt a tug on my arm.  

“Seth don’t you think I know you share his view. You think of people who believe in a higher power as small country folk who haven’t been enlightened.”

“What are you a born again Christian?”

“Oh no I am an atheist. I just have an appreciation for religion. Yes, many have died in the name of religion both on and off the battlefield. But it has also brought comfort, joy, and strength to billions. It has inspired the most breathtaking pieces art and superhuman feats, and you portray them as bumpkins wandering around in the dark. How can you not think that Michelangelo was given a gift, divine or otherwise, when you are standing in the Sistine Chapel?”

“I…”

“Surprised you didn’t I?”

“Yeah. I am not used to Seth’s date being able to string two sentences together, or a coherent argument for that matter.” I was about to respond, when Seth said.

“Charlize, thank God.”

“Sorry I got held up by the babysitter. You must be Charlotte?”

“Have you told all your friends about me?” She was gorgeous, wearing a long silver gown and simply owning the room. In anyone else that would have made her seem cold but she was radiating such happiness and openness that I felt like I could tell her everything.

“Yeah he never shuts up about you. All I have heard for the past month and half is Charlotte this Charlotte that. I have things I want to discuss too.” I saw Seth blush a deep red. The next ten minutes were swallowed by small talk, and a glass of champagne.

“Charlotte Arden is that you?” A shrill voice called from behind me, “and look we are sitting at the same table.”

“Stab me now.” I whispered to Seth and without thinking backing up into him.

“What?” 

“With anything, use that bread knife.” His heat calmed my rising anxiety. I think he had sensed my rising anxiousness and had put his hands on my arms, grounding me here with him. This was a time for gritting your teeth and smiling broadly.  I stopped whispering and looked up at her.

“Bianca nice to see.” Dinner was a quiet affair for which I was grateful. Then the actually charity began. You put forth a name of a charity, make a short speech convincing people to donate, and the one that gets the most donations at the end of the evening wins the big donation pot, set up by my grandmother in advance. In other words making donating a competition, and a show off contest forcing people to donate more. It was ingenious.

Once everyone had said their piece we were served dessert, a selection of macaroons that were to die for, which also meant that everyone were getting perpetually more drunk, and people were getting more forward. The music was getting slower too, which had prompted Seth to ask Charlize to dance. Now there they were slowly revolving on the dance floor, and I was stuck at the table watching them.

“You hate how good she looks don’t you?” Bill asked from behind me. 

“What, no.”

“You can admit it to Uncle Bill.” I scoffed. 

“You are so not my uncle. I think I am too old for that.”

“Flattery thy name is Charlotte. But come on she looks…” He didn’t need to finish. 

“She looks great but I don’t hate her for it.” I wasn’t sure what made me say what I said next. Maybe it was the champaign. “What I hate is how good they look together.”

“You have to remember they have been friends forever and after his last breakup she was there for him.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Not like that, but he really thought he was going to marry that girl. I know what they say about him, but he is a romantic and falls hard fast.”

“I am sorry that I went off on you earlier, I just…”

“Wanted to knock a man of his soapbox.” I let out a snort of laugh. “I can take it. Just for an equal playing field what crazy Republican would you liken Seth to?”

“You’re going to kill me but W.”

“Really? That…” I stopped watching Seth and Charlize dance and turned to Bill.

“Coke addled toddler? From what I can tell he values his relationships, maybe a little too much. Allowing toxic relationships to cloud up his life. The same happened with Bush and Cheney.”

“You are a piece work. I mean that in the best way possible.”

“What did you mean by women who couldn’t string two sentences together?” This had been bugging me all night, not that I would ever admit that. 

“After that relationship ended he threw himself into the opposite end of the dating pool. Which meant a lot of models with no brain or just enough to take advantage of him. We are talking anti-vaxxers, climate change deniers, and kale smoothie drinkers.”

“Hey you two.” Charlize and Seth were back.

“You have managed not to kill each other.”

“Not for lack of trying, she likened you to Bush.”

“My reasoning was sound.”

“Yeah that is what makes her so infuriating.” We had spent a lot of our two weeks together arguing over everything from the point of government to if the government should mandate recycling. 

“So Charlotte how is your back?” Bianca slurred getting everyone’s attention.

“I am good, Bianca, thank you.” I felt the old wound twitch of pain.  

“What was wrong with your back?” This was not the time for Seth to be supportive and inquisitive. Before I could do damage control, she went on.  

_Start of Suicide attempt mention_

“Oh when Charlotte here, -hiccup- was young she was in a little car accident. -hiccup- and had to have back surgery -hiccup-. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. - Hiccup - After that she got a little blue -hiccup- even attempted to take her own life.”

_End of suicide attempt mention._

It was out. I had wanted to spend just a little bit of time basking in this wonderful image Seth had of me. 

I couldn’t look at him or anyone else. I stood up shaking and whispered “Excuse me.” With that I turn and walked as fast as I could without getting one’s attention, Grandma’s words echoed in my ears “No need to cause a scene”.


	10. Chapter 10

I had found the back exit and had collapsed in the back of some immaculate shrubbery, even though it was LA I was shivering. I felt a soft jacket slid onto my shoulders, and felt Seth sit down next to me.

“I’m fine, sorry for my outburst.”

“It doesn’t matter, no one…” Was he this naive about Hollywood?

“Of course they care.” My voice cracked. “I tried so hard…”  

“No one is judging you.” How could he be this understanding?

“Oh come off it of course they are. I know Hollywood, I known it works.”

“Not with them. Trust me.”  

“Why should I? You and I have spent 2 weeks together. This wasn’t exactly what I had… Look forget it. I’ll just get my…” I needed to get out of here before I made things worse. I stood up, and it took all my might not to fall back down.  

“You are not going anywhere, come on let’s get you home.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because…” He looked embarrassed, “because I like you. You are nice and opinionated. You know what you want and you get it.” Without another word, he got the car, drove us home, sat me down on the couch, gave me a blanket, and sat next down next to me and started reading  _Clash of Civilizations_. After ten minutes of sitting silently on the couch, I couldn’t take anymore.

“You haven’t asked me yet.” He looked up from the book. “What happened.”

“I don’t need to know.”

“But you want to know.”

“I only want to know what you are ready to tell me.”

“Promise me I won’t see this on a trashy website tomorrow.” The corners of his mouth twitched, then he leaned over and kissed my forehead. He gave me a warm smile and pulled me into the crook of his shoulder.

“I promise.” For some reason I wanted to tell him, so I took a deep a breath…

“I was walking down the street one day in the city. I was on my way to take my SATs and was so deep into studying that I never saw the car.” I closed my eyes and I could still feel the impact of the car and the blinding pain.  

“How did you survive?”

“EMTs. I was touch and go for a while but… I pulled through.”

“And you aren’t a born again Christian?” I laughed; he had that talent to make me laugh when I didn’t think there was ever going to be something funny again.

“I don’t remember any of it. So when I woke up they gave a ton of painkillers, which enabled me to go back to school. I held it all together for a while too I never cracked. I never… showed weakness. The PTSD soon followed, I couldn’t leave my house. All I did was school work, physical therapy, and sleep, and one day I woke up and realized that there was just no way out.”  

“Why didn’t your parents…?” This was a lot of people’s first question; those people didn’t understand my family.

“I didn’t tell them, and I don’t think they wanted to know. Don’t judge them too harshly, in the world I grew up mental illness is something you hide away. They thought if they ignored it would go away. I didn’t ask for help, and I never thought about altering my thinking. I was always so hyper focused. So rather than school, killing myself became my fixation. I had the drugs from the hospital, and one night…” Without a word he pulled me in close and kissed my forehead. “I woke up in the hospital, and I felt… like my world had ended. That even though I was alive that I shouldn’t be. But Bellevue has this wonderful little park on their grounds, and if you have ever been to New York in spring but it is magical. They let into that park every day and slowly I regained some of myself. Then I did months of intensive therapy, and now I see the therapist any time I am in London. I take my medication and I am ok. I am sorry I lied to you…” He looked surprised.

“You don’t have to…”

“I don’t drive because I have a panic attack every time I sit in the driver’s seat of a car. It still takes a lot of courage for me to walk across the street.”

“I have to ask, but why war correspondent with your….”

“I have PTSD there is no cure, but why should that stop me? I know what I am doing, and I know how to manage the symptoms. Yes I have seen some horrible things, but I have also seen great wonder and kindness. I have seen mothers stand in front of tanks, and all I want to do is go and have their back.”

“You and I lived together for two weeks how did I not realize you were taking medication?”

“A lot of training young one.” One look from him and I changed tact. “I take it right before my morning pee. Look I know my plane leaves tomorrow but…”

“You can stay as long as you like.” I needed to let Iz know that I wouldn’t be coming home though I didn’t think she minded.

 **Charlotte:** hey I am blowing off my plane tomorrow

 **Iz:** I knew it. Get it girl

 **Charlotte:**  No I am just really happy here.

 **Iz:**  GET THAT MILLIONAIRE DICK.

I rolled my eyes and put away my phone. The next day was spent like we had spent our two weeks, working in comfortable silence. He ordered burgers and I beat him to the door and therefore got to pay the delivery boy.

“Something is bothering you.” How the hell did he know, after the emotional ending to last night I hadn’t had any more time to think about it… but now I could still see Seth and Charlize slow dance in my mind’s eye.

“No, I am ok.”

“Come on, what happened? Did Bill say something?” I let out a short burst of laughter.

“No, despite all odds I quite like him.” I did, he wasn’t shy with his opinions and didn’t change his tact for the room he in.  

“Then what is it?” I was not going to tell him.

“It’s… stupid.”

“No come on.”

“Just we are having a great time… God, this is so high school…” He put his hand on my arm to try and calm me. Little did he know that did the opposite of what he intended. “I am just sad that I ruined yesterday. Believe it or not, until I was humiliated I was having a nice time… and I am sad you and didn’t get a chance to dance.”

Holy Hell I was actually doing this. He started laughing, I felt myself shrinking back into my shell, I had tried…He held out his hand.

“We can fix that.” He helped me up and walked me over to his music room. Filled to the brim with instruments, records, and record players. Unlike most people who had rooms like this, Seth actually used what was in here.

The music started slowly, I felt my face brighten, and took his outstretched hand. I put my harms around his neck, and he put his arms around my waist. I hadn’t realized we had started dancing until he lent down and started quietly singing along with Etta Jones.  

_At last_

_My love has come along_

_My lonely days are over_

_And life is like a song_

_Oh yeah yeah_

_At last_

I put my head on his chest. I could here his lungs rumble as he sang. Time stopped.

_The skies above are blue_

_My heart was wrapped up in clover_

_The night I looked at you_

I closed my eyes. We were in our own world, a world where there was no end to this dream like state, a place where only he and I existed and everything else was inconsequential. All that was real was his breath hot in my ear, his arms around my hips, the soft feel of his t-shirt…

_I found a dream, that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to press my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_

Where our days would be spent in patches of sunlight and the evenings in dark corners, always together and always happy.

_Oh yeah yeah_

_You smiled, you smiled_

_Oh and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in heaven_

_for you are mine…_

_At Last_

As the last note faded, I opened my eyes and saw the setting sun reflected in his face. Without thinking I kissed the dying sunlight from his face. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t subject him to this. It was all too much. I didn’t belong here. I had never so desperately wanted to but I didn’t. I would get trapped again, and this time I wouldn’t be able to escape. I would just be another one of those…

“I can’t I am so sorry.”

“What the fuck? I thought… you didn’t say.” I could see the anger rising in his eyes.  

“It’s not you it’s me.” I had raced back to my room, and started throwing everything I owned into my suitcase.

“Oh don’t give me that shit. What is it?”

“I don’t want to get stuck.”

“Stuck?”

“Like all of them, every one of my classmates is a glorified housewife. One of the girls I went to highschool with. She was valedictorian, then she studied biochemistry at Princeton graduating summa cum laude, you know what she does now? She is not working in a top hospital; she isn’t saving orphans in the Congo, or teaching at a premiere university. She is a mother of five, stuck in her house with a genius mind and all she does is laundry. She’s not the only one, so many girls I knew got stuck.” I was done packing, and zipped the suitcase. 

“What makes you think I want…” He was genuinely offended. 

“Because Bill told me.” 

“What?” I laughed at his confused face.  

“The girl you were in love with, he said you were going to marry her. Which meant you were ready for a family. I am just not. You are a romantic, and I am just not…” I could see his eyes darken, the pain was still there. 

“You’re running away.” How could he not see I was trying to protect him?  

“Don’t you see that I am saving you heartbreak? This,” I gestured between us, “is never going to work.”  

“Why is that yours to choose? Shouldn’t I…” I saw the broken look in his eyes, and it hurt to pull that door closed, but I had to. For us to have any sort of friendship I needed to shut this down now. 

“I don’t want you to hate me.” 


	11. Chapter 11

I was two streets over before I stopped to catch my breath. How had it all gone so wrong? It just proved how fragile our bubble had been now that it had popped into a faint memory. I pulled out my phone and called the only person that could help me now. My Boss.

“Whitehall.”

“It’s Charlotte, and I need your help.”

“How badly did you fuck up?” This wasn’t an unusual first question I never called him. He always called me.

“Bad. I don’t want to talk about it. I need a three week assignment.”

“Do think I can just pull these out of my ass?” Truthfully? Yes, we always had open assignments.  

“Come on.” Anywhere was better than here.  

“Moscow.” I hated Moscow, especially in the winter. It was ass cold and everyone knew you were a reporter and had a Cold War mentality about you, which could drive you insane.   

“Can I get a direct flight?” Moscow was hellish. I got nothing done. Every time I started to work my mind went back to Seth and how broken he had looked. After three weeks of chasing nothing and thinking about nothing but Seth, I was ready to go home. I was dragging my now broken suitcase through my apartment door.

“What the hell Charlotte?” Iz ambushed me as I came in the door. “Why would you leave LA?”

“How did you…?”

“Whitehall’s secretary called to confirm your ticket home. She said she couldn’t reach you.” I was going to kill Dolores.

“Look I can explain.”

“You don’t have to. You ran, it got real and you ran.”

“I can’t sustain that life. I can’t get stuck.” I had almost been stuck once. I was never going to get that close again.

“How do you know he’ll be like that?”

“I can’t take that chance.”

“Why not?”

“Because it might be too late. I love what I do ok? And I won’t be villainized for it.”

“Why do you deal in absolutes, only a…” I cut her off with an eye roll.

“I don’t deal in absolutes I deal in certainties.”

“It’s not absolutes. It’s fear, you felt good for the first time in a long time and you got scared. You felt like a girl again, you felt happy, and you ran. Ever since Mark you just clam up, and you weren’t exactly open emotionally open before.” She held out what looked like a freshly packed bag, how had she known she would be successful in convincing me? “Go apologize and hope he’ll take you back.”

“I…”

“Take this record” She handed me big square in gift-wrap. “I stalked him more on the internet.” She cut off the protests that were about to come out of my mouth. “You two have The Look. I am more than happy to help. Go and surprise him.”

When I finally got to his front doorstep the next day, I was exhausted. I wasn’t sure how I was standing, with the jetlag threatening to overtake me, but I had promised Iz. I also desperately wanted to apologize and be back in… the door opened. I was so tired I didn’t even remember ringing. I wasn’t greated with Seth, I was greated with what I assumed was the creation of some really horny scientists. She had blonde hair with just a bit of wave, tan skin, was only wearing one of Seth’s black dress shirts, and had legs that went all the way down to the floor.

“Who are you?”

“I…”

“I am Amber Blanc. You want to come in?” She was chipper; she obviously had no idea who I was. “Vicki just left, but there should be…”

“I can get it, are you and Seth friends?” I should throw down the record and turn tail and run, but I had to know. Why the hell had I come back? I was going to kill Iz.  

“Well we met about five days ago. It was great. We have so much in common.” Somehow I doubted that.

“Amber who’s… Charlotte what are you…?” T-shirt and boxers, dammit man. This was going to be hard.  

“Nothing… I just wanted to… apologize. Though it seems you don’t need my apologies.” I shouldn’t have said that.  

“You have no right. You left.”

“Should I leave?” Amber asked, at least she was smart enough to read a room. 

“Yes please.” I wanted to talk to him alone, figure this out.

“No.” That was Seth, his voice hard. He wanted me out, not that I blamed him, but…

“So you fucked up?” Charlize asked as I joined her for lunch. After the gala we had become fast friends.  

“Hello to you too.”

“I have no pity.”

“I don’t need…”

“But you want it. I get not wanting people….”

“You think I give a shit about how people think? I left because… because I not good at the lovey dovey thing and he is. That man is from another era, he doesn’t deserve…” I ordered a vodka screwdriver, Charlize didn’t say anything but gave me a reproving look. 

“Man up.”

“What?”

“You were afraid and you ran, I get lying to Seth and I kind of get lying to yourself but don’t lie to me.”

“How do I fix it?” I needed to be friends with him again.  

“You can’t. You can apologize, and wait.”

“I did… well kind of…”

“What happened?”

“I met the other end of the dating pool.”

“What?”

“He had a ‘friend’ over.”

“Ohh, but you shouldn’t care because…”

“Of course I care. I said I shouldn’t not that I don’t want to.”

“You need to get your head on straight, before you talk to him again. I have seen you together for all of five minutes, and I know it’s meant to be.”

“God you’re worse than Iz.”

“Iz, The Look girl?”

“I see news of her travels fast.”

“I wasn’t kidding Seth was babbling about you for weeks. So don’t get discouraged by this woman, he likes you.”

“So you two never?” I took a big gulp of screwdriver, I knew she wouldn’t lie to me. 

“No, on paper it would be perfect but in reality there was never that spark.”

“Well then the two of you can fake it very well…” I heard the bitterness in my voice and the saw the look in her eye. “I meant the movie.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I didn’t only mean the movie. I am sorry, does it make it better if I tell you it’s because you’re beautiful, smart, and funny.” I shrank back. I hated women who fought over guys, especially if it ruined their friendships.  

“A little bit, but trust me… “

“I’m not jealous of you. As I told Bill I am jealous of how good you two look together.”

“You two look better. He needs you, and you need him.”

“I hope you’re right.”


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning I woke up to my phone making ungodly noises. It had the gall to ring loudly and make the inside of my head feel like there was a tiny work crew hammering away inside.

“Arden.”

“Ahh Ms. Arden, there is a message for you here at the office. You didn’t come back for your debriefing so…” I smiled Dolores, Whitehall’s assistant, was more like an office secretary just because by nature correspondents. We are always in places we aren’t supposed to be.

“Thank you Dolores, what does it say?”

“It says that Casey Bloys wants to talk to you.”

“Who the fuck…”

“Ms. Arden.” Her kind nature was gone, there were a couple of things she didn’t tolerate swearing was one of them.

“Sorry Dolores, and he is the head of HBO programming?”

“What does he want with me?”  

“Anything else Ms. Arden.”

“No thank you.”

Then it hit me, months and months ago I had written a piece about civic education in America, and how the media should be picking up the slack. Sadly we got so busy with election and its aftermath that the piece never got published and I went back to doing my normal reporting. Now I had to call him and have him rant at me about how he was doing the best he can. It was not going to be a pleasant day.  

“Good morning sleepyhead.” How could Charlize be so chipper in the morning? She handed me a glass of water and an Advil.

“What time is it?” I rubbed my head. I should not have drunken the 3rd screwdriver.

“12.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“We’re friends. Whom were you talking to?”

“My boss’ secretary, it turns out the head of HBO programming wants to talk to me.” I spent the rest of the early afternoon putting off calling HBO. I made lunch for Charlize and I, cleaned her house from top to bottom, and she went grocery shopping. At four I could no longer put off the phone call.

“Mr. Bloy. Let me preempt you by saying, I wasn’t directly attacking you. I realize that education on politics especially in today’s climate is extremely hard without outside interests baring down.”

“I am not here to yell at you.” Now that was new.  

“Really?”

“I… we agree with you. We think civic education in this country is a travesty, and we want to change that.”

“Really?” I needed to stop saying really, but it was the only thing that came to mind.

“Yes and we would like your help to do so.” The possibilities were racing through my head, how we could format it and what we would focus on? “The idea came together when two of our interns were giggling about some paparazzi…” There it was.  

“Oh…” This was Seth’s influence not mine, if he had anything to do with this…

“No we were talking about Mr. MacFarlane’s work on Cosmos, an…” The possibilities were back to racing and skipping around in my head.

“Education show. But you would never be able to put a show about politics on FOX or any other network without having huge battles with the network.”

“We aren’t going to fight you. We want you to do this; you will have our full support. Your article lays out a great first draft of a possible show. We do want to be in on some of the meetings but just to learn.”

“I don’t know what to say Mr. Bloy.”

“Just be ready to get in the game.” That was a quote from the article, I had in so many words told networks to get off their ass and actually change the situation. The next twenty minutes were spent with me throwing out ideas, most of which he said yes to. We were going to have the show ready for the summer of 2018 right before midterms. I would need to travel all over the country to do interviews and research and they would give me everything they could. They really wanted this. I wouldn’t only be the face of this, I would be an executive producer. I would be in charge of content and direction.

After an initial moment of euphoria, the doubt crashed in. How was I the best person to do this? There were people who were much more qualified to do this. Professors I had studied under, some of my old colleges, Bob Woodward. Anyone… Holy shit. How was I going to pull this off? Put together a staff? Oh God. I needed someone to help me through this. Iz was at by work now. Charlize was grocery shopping, and I was all alone. I started to shake, and I needed to breathe. I could not have a panic attack. If I was going to do this I wasn’t going to have a panic attack. I wanted to hear his voice again.

“MacFarlane.”

“Hey it’s me, I know you hate me right now but I need someone to talk to. If you want to meet me in public I get it.” I knew he could hear my tears.

“I think I could take you.”

“You don’t know that, I am crafty.” I heard him laugh, and there he was being my rock. I didn’t deserve him even giving me the time of day, but he hadn’t hung up.  

“Breathe Charlotte. You’re at Charlize’s right?”

“How did you…?” He had asked after me. My heart did a backflip, even though I knew it shouldn’t. Half an hour later we were sitting on his deck, looking out at the ocean.

“What’s up?” He handed me a glass of water, which I thought after last night would be more prudent.

“I gotta a call from Casey Bloys.”

“I know him he’s…”

“The head of programming for HBO”

“So?”

“He offered me a show on civic education…  teaching civic education…” I couldn’t even believe the words I was saying.

“That is incredible, you would be amazing at that.” I felt my insides contract and felt a panic attack threatening to come back.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Then it all blubbered out of me.

“I can’t do it. I have to call him and tell him that I can’t. There are so many people more qualified than I am, actual experts in the subjects that they… I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have never even written that piece.”

“You really think your passion for civic education would have stayed quiet?” I smiled, I wasn’t exactly silent on the subject.

“No… but you know what’s the worst? He got the idea because of the paparazzi photos of us at the sushi restaurant.”

“So what if that brought the idea together?”

“Because I don’t want help. You and I aren’t even… and I don’t want your influence to help me in anyway.”

“So what we are never having dinner in public again?” I could feel the anger rising in him.  

“No that’s not what I meant. I just… I am used to people trying to get in my mother or grandmother’s good graces through me. My only real relationship was based on the fact that he wanted of my grandmother’s company. I just won’t be another conduit.”

“Don’t worry, you can do this. I promise you are the perfect person for the job.” With that he held out to me a bag of Chipotle.  


	13. Chapter 13

When the sun started to set and I was getting way too comfortable. I forced myself out of my chair. “Look I should get going, I have a week to prep a real pitch.” Bloy had given me a week to fully prep this and I wanted it to perfect and detailed. Flying to London and back to NY was going to be tough but it didn’t matter because my dreams were coming true.  

“Do you want help?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I know what I am doing, this isn’t my first rodeo.”

“No, me staying here isn’t a good idea.” His face fell and he hung his head. I hated doing this to him.

“Because you’ll get stuck?”

“Yeah.” His head suddenly snapped up and his tone was more angry than sad.

“Bullshit, it’s not about being stuck, you and I both know that it’s because you are fucking scared. You are scared of the intimacy. Look I read about this jackass Matt, I read all the tabloid magazines. You aren’t scared of being stuck. You are scared that you will get hurt again.”

“Is that so unreasonable? Most relationships don’t work.”  

“And some do, so why not try?” The eternal romantic, this was never going to work.  

“Aside from the fact that you have a girlfriend and if this HBO thing isn’t a fever dream of mine I am going to be on the move more than ever?”   
“Yeah, think about this logically. You know nothing about the TV making business. You would rather die than ask your mother for help. I am your best option.” I couldn’t argue with that.

“Ok… I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“I am a bit more resilient than that.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.”

“Just tell me this: is it just me?”

“No it’s not just you. You make me feel like a hundred bucks. I am just not ready to give up my life, and if HBO works out, I am going to be working even more and have even less time.”

“Promise me that if you are ever ready you tell me.”

“It would be my pleasure. So HBO has already bought into the idea, and they asked me to sketch out seven episodes. So I need to field test, I obviously know more than the average person about US elections. So what would you like to know more about?”

“Electoral College and how the fuck it let us down.”

“Yeah I don’t think I get to give political opinions, but yes good idea.”

“It’s for 2018 so an episode on Congress.”

“No two House and Senate.”

“Polling, and the three branches, one episode each?”

“Wondrous.” Out of impulse I kissed him on the cheek. “I am sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t be.” He smiled; there was hope in that smile.

“I am though, but so we are at six: EC, House, Senate, Presidency, SCOTUS, and polling, we need one more.”

“How about the EPA?” I smiled, one-day maybe but I wasn’t going to harpoon my chances at HBO with such a ‘controversial’ subject as climate change.

“Nice try buddy but no.”

“What about the budget?”

“You are fantastic, and to consider I was going to ask Bill for help.”  

“You and Bill on a TV show, are you trying to kill us all?”

“He works for HBO.”

“With your mother’s connections you don’t know anyone else at HBO?”

“John Oliver and I go a ways back. I did a piece on his wife while she was serving, and now every time they need help on a piece they call me.”

“You have the weirdest friends.” I smiled at him again, though we had had a tough couple of weeks it was still easy to talk to him.

“Aren’t you one of those friends?”

“Honored to be weird with you.” He looked at his watch, and his eyes went wide. “Shit, I have go.”

“Where are you going?”  

“Amber and I are having dinner.”

“At 10pm”

“Well our reservation was at 8.” He looked sheepishly at me.

“What the fuck? You blew her off? Just like that?”

“You needed me.”

“That is low, don’t treat her like second class.” I didn’t want to feel happy that he had chosen me over her, but I was. 

“Ok… I’ll send her flowers.”  

“And there better be a nice dinner and a good blow job in it for her too.”

“Can we move on from my sex life?”  

“Go get ready.” I shooed him away, and turned back to my plans. Ten minutes later he remerged in his normal black suit. He looked good as always. I appreciated that most guys wouldn’t have cared; he was also probably feeling guilty of making Amber wait.  

“Am I presentable?” I nodded; I had to look disinterested, though I would be lying if I didn’t watch him walk out the door. I spent the next couple of hours working, loosing track of time. This show was going to be the best, we weren’t going to have the Em’s sex appeal on Game of Thrones or John’s comedy, but we were going to be good.


	14. Chapter 14

At about two am the door creaked open again.

“Hey, why are you still up?” I desperately wanted to ask how the date went but I wasn’t going to be pulled in again.  

“Do you want the truth or the cool excuse I made up?”

“The truth.”

“I didn’t want to sleep alone in a foreign house.” I saw him starting to smile but then my phone went off. Who the hell would call me at two in the morning? My heart froze when I looked at the screen. Matt. This wasn’t good; we didn’t have contact by design. No contact no rumors. After he had ended it, he and Sherri and split for LA. Wanting to build a new life together, and now I was here and so was he.  

“Matt what is it?”

“She is having the baby.” Oh yeah, I had forgotten that Sherri was pregnant. I had declined the baby shower invitation but sent a nice selection of what Dolores had told me were good baby jumpers. “Charlotte it’s coming now.”

“So? I am not sure how I can help.” Aside from the fact that I didn’t want to help.  

“I need you here. I know you’re in LA.”

“You what?”

“Look, I know you and I have never seen eye to eye.” That was the understatement of the century; he had always tried to play our breakup as some sort of mutual understanding. Probably to get rid of some of the guilt. “I need you here.”

“Matt I don’t know if…”

“Please, I can’t go through this alone.” That was it I was in. For better or worse he had always been there for me.

“Alright, give me a bit of time.” He told me the name of the hospital and I hung up and started to see if I could get an uber this early/late.  

“Who was that?”

“Matt.” I started looking for my shoes.

“Matt your…” I nodded. “Where are you going?”

“He is having his first kid and needs emotional support.” Seth looked amazed, as if this wasn’t something that people did.

“You want to go to the hospital at 2 am?” His amazement had transformed into exasperation. “Why?”

“Because he needs me.” He had been there for me emotionally for a very long time and I needed to pay him back.  

“The guy who you were in love with, who broke up with you in the most cruel and public way to be with this woman. Who is now having his child, and you are going to support him?” He moved closer, and I took a step back. I needed to do this for Matt. He threw up his hands in annoyance.

“You don’t get it.”  

“No I don’t think normal humans…”

“It shows the difference in our upbringings. It is easier for me to go and support him then there to be rumors around that I have some sort of animosity towards him, or worse that I am still in love with him.”

“Are you?”

“No, I don’t think I was ever really in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. He is a part of my past and is a very important piece in who I am today. Either way, I’ll go get an uber. Shit, my stuff is still at Charlize’s.” I started looking for my phone and wallet. 

“You aren’t taking an uber at two am. We are going to wait till tomorrow, and then I’ll drive you.” I smiled at him he still didn’t get it.  

“No I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he’ll leak that I didn’t jump to his side.” That had been the worst part of everything that happened. “That is how it initially happened. We found out later that he had leaked our breakup, and all the gory details to the press. He set off the feeding frenzy. It shot him into the stratosphere fame wise and…”

“You were left to pick up the pieces.” Without warning he pulled me in for a hug, I should have said no, but it felt good to be back here.  

“It could have been worse.” He looked down at me incredulously, I explained. “A friend of mine, her dad was the head of a major law firm. Her boyfriend at the time was interning for an opposing firm, and to screw with her father’s business, the boyfriend released an “anonymous” article about their relationship. Every dirty little detail, from how she brushed her teeth to how she was in bed. She had to withdraw from school, because she couldn’t handle people staring at her or worse quoting the article at her.”

“That is horrific.”

“You can see that I got away easy. So they get a Christmas card every year and I am rid of them and the rumors.”

“Come on let’s get you to the hospital. I am not letting you in a cab or an uber at two in the morning.”

“You need your sleep. I couldn’t ask you to…”

“You aren’t asking. I am offering and your taking.” It seemed final, but he added. “I don’t like this guy, I just want to make sure you get through this in one piece.” He distracted me during the ride there by telling me stories about his college days, but then we got the hospital. There was Matt in the lobby. He did not look like a father-to-be. He looked run down, and smelled of cooking sherry.

“Matt how is Sherri?” His eyes went directly to Seth. I was not going to do this here.  

“Who is he?

“Seth MacFarlane meet Matt Schwarz and vice versa. Matt are you drunk?”

“Yeah so what are you going to do about it?” Oh great alcohol and bravado. No wonder men sucked at running the world.  

“I can really see what you saw in this guy.” Seth’s sarcasm was not needed right now.  

“Shut up Seth. I can deal with this on my own.”

“Yeah shut up Seth or are you her new boyfriend? Because there are things you should know about your new girl. I mean the stories I could tell.” That was true there were a lot of stories, I lived in constant fear that one day he might release a memoir about those days.  

“Matt dont do this.”

“She has the tightest little…” Now I was getting angry.

“MATT, SHERRI? Where is she?” He lazily gestured behind him.

“Oh back there somewhere.”  

“Come on.” I took Seth’s hand and pulled him to the elevator. It didn’t take us long to find Sherri, she had gotten the best suite in the place.  

“Hey Sherri.” She looked so young and lost. What it must feel like to be her right now, all alone about to give birth to a baby with the father drunk in the lobby.

“Hey Charlotte, you came.” She somehow sounded weak and resolute at the same time.  

“Anything for old friends.”

“Don’t bullshit me. He forced you, you know he is in the lobby drunk off his ass.”

“We have had the pleasure.” Seth looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here, I couldn’t say I disagreed. Then Matt came stumbling in, at least he was here.

“Sherri, my dear we are going to have a baby.” Then his eyes landed on Seth again. “So as I was saying Seth. Charlotte here is… “ Seth looked like he was going to kill Matt. That was a lawsuit waiting to happen. “No man, I mean she is an ice queen. Didn’t even cry when her Grandfather died. You can try to loosen her up a bit if you know what I mean, and that family of hers. I mean talk about bitches, and her dad is such a pushover. I don’t really miss her at all, but there are some things, you wouldn’t think it with the clothes she wears but underneath the t-shirts and the mom-jeans she has one tight little…” Before I knew it, Matt was playing on the floor, bleeding out of his mouth. Seth had sucker punched him. 

He saw the fury on my face, and as he shook out his hand he said, “You might let him walk all over you, but I won’t.”


	15. Chapter 15

“What the fuck?” I whisper screamed as I pulled Seth quickly through the hospital and out the door. It was already getting light.

“What?” He said grumpily.  

“You punched him.” How did he not see how shitty this was?  

“Yes.” He replied nonchalantly.  

“Why?”  

“Because he was insulting…” Still keeping his nonchalant tone.  

“Don’t you think I’m used to that?” This wasn’t the first or the last time, Matt was going to treat me like shit, and I had accepted that.  

“You shouldn’t have to be.” He stopped walking and turned me around to stare into his eyes. “He makes you feel small and unimportant, and worse he does it in front of people he knows you care about. I know you well enough that one of your worst fears is public humiliation, and he keeps casually doing it, because he knows he can.”  

I gave him a sad smile he just didn’t get it. In his world people stood up for others, but not where I came from. Policy was to look the other way, and then talk about it in hushed whispers.

“This isn’t about my feelings, this about him getting more publicity because you punched him. I can probably get him to back off though since he was drunk out his ass.” I was running the scenarios through my head. What I would have to do to get him to not leak it. I could feel my heart getting faster with every scenario that bounced around my head. I felt my insides crumbling and my eyes hit the pavement.

“Charlotte calm down.” 

“Calm down?” My voice came out more strangled than I intended. “I’m going to have to endure a lecture from my mother about how I should have kept you from… “ He took me by the shoulders, making me look up at him again.

“Listen, I can take what your mother throws at me.”

“You shouldn’t have to, can’t we all just…” 

“Get along?” 

“No, do what needs to be done? I need more sleep and somehow figure how I am going to run a mini-series.”

“You should get that PA.” He put his arm around me, and started walking me to the car.

“Any tips?” 

“It’s almost 6 am, let’s get you to bed.” 

“No, I’m going to work through the day. My sleep schedule is fucked anyway so I am just going to work.” In truth I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now, so work was the best option.

“All right Superwoman but I a mere mortal will have to sleep.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes. I felt just a bit better.

“Don’t worry, I have to go and write about what a shit place Russia is.” I still hadn’t written my piece, or told Whitehall about this new job.  

“I might be dooming earth to a nuclear war but you and Bill should get together and discuss the show.” I laughed, we were an explosive pair, but I did like him. When we got inside, he went straight to bed, and I sat down at my computer. 

At around two, I decided that he needed to get up. So I made him breakfast, well Vicki did.

“Hey you awake?” I asked opening his door with the tray.

“Barely, what time it is?” He rubbed his eyes, and looked half asleep, how could something so cute also so be so sexy? I quickly stuffed  _that_  thought to the back of my head.  

“2pm.” 

“Ugh.” 

“I told you, you need a good sleep cycle?” I sat the tray down on his lap.

“Oh God, you cooked.” His horror wasn’t unwarranted. There was a reason I wasn’t allowed in most kitchens. Lets just say I like to get creative when I find the recipe boring.

“No, Vicki graced us.” I handed him knife and fork. “Breakfast in bed.” 

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“You helped me last night when you were under no obligation to. I am simply returning the favor.” 

“Thanks.” He said through a mouthful of eggs.  

“Ready to attack the rest of the day?”

“Do I have too?” He whined. I sat down next to him, and realized how wonderfully soft the it was. All I wanted to was lay down and never get up. 

“Come on, I have finished my piece on Russia, I know a lot of professors I want to contact for each episode…”

“But I am not Superwoman, like you.” He kept calling me that, I didn’t get it but it did lift my spirits. 

“You can be my sidekick, sleepboy.” He snorted with laughter. 

“Don’t quit your day job.”

“I am actually,” that is going to be a pleasant conversation. Something that I was going to put off till the last second possible. “But come on you need a good sleep rhythm.” He groaned and continued eating.

“Gotta attack the day.” I pecked his forehead, and practically ran out of the room before I could see his reaction. I should really stop doing that.

* * *

About an hour later, I finally called John (Oliver) on Skype, he had been a good friend in the past, and since he worked at HBO maybe he could help me navigate all of this.

“Hey John.” I saw a bookcase behind him and he looked tired. He must be in the office.  

“Charlotte, how are you?”

“Tired and overwhelmed.” I rubbed my forehead. The no sleep was getting to me, and I was still afraid for that phone call that would eventually come. He gave me a sympathetic look and moved on.

“I heard about your HBO deal. I told them they made an excellent choice.” I smiled gratefully. Now if everyone took it that well, I might have a shot.

“Thanks, but now I need assemble some sort of team and I have no idea how to do that.” 

“Well HBO will probably give you all the editors, TV people, and line up interviews with people who can help with the content. Not that you can’t look yourself.” I started to take notes.

“Ok, I just have no idea where to start with this team.” I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed again.  

“Let’s start easy, are you still looking for a PA?”

“Yeah why?” 

“One of our interns just finished the program and she would be perfect for you. Graduated top of her class at Yale in political science, she is a lot like you at that age.”  

“She is going to have to endure a lot of jokes at expense of that second rate school.” He rolled his eyes the Harvard-Yale rivalry was legendary.

“Charlotte, she is professional and definitely eager to please. The only thing is that she is inexperienced. So you are going to have to work together.”

“With her degree do you think she would like to just be my PA?” As hard it was to admit with her education she could get a job anywhere.

“She is still deciding if she wants to go to law school, and she is of a fan of yours.”

“She is? I didn’t know I had fans.” My job had always been solitary. I never thought about the people who read my pieces, I just wrote them for Whitehall and me.  

“This office was giddy with excitement when they heard you were getting a show.” I felt the bile rise in my throat again.

“How did they know?” Seeing my panic stricken face, he gave me a sympathetic look. 

“Charlotte calm down, people talk. Be happy it hasn’t leaked to the public yet.” Small miracles.  

“Yeah I just want to have all my ducks in a row before I go out there.”

“About going out, you know you’re going to have to wear proper attire and they are going to make you get Twitter.”  

“Why? I am not good at Twitter, my thoughts are usually complete sentences, and can not be constrained to 180 characters, and when am I unprofessional…?” 

“No I meant on camera, and Twitter is not that bad once you get to know it. They just want to introduce you properly and amp the show up a bit. HBO is very particular about the look of a show, and that means heels.”

“Now I know why Bill doesn’t just wear Hawaiian shirts every day.” He would love that, shouting in comfort.

“You got this. Let me get you Lucy’s information.” I saw him rummage around in his desk.

“When can I expect you?”

“End of the week, is it ok if I have a minor breakdown in your office?”

“Only if you bring lunch.” I smiled at him thankful for all the help he was giving me, and how ready was to accept me in this crazy adventure. I ended the call with John, just to see a fully dressed Seth come down the stairs.

“Hey sleepyhead.” He rolled his eyes.

“Bill invited us to dinner at his house.”

“How does he know…?” It suddenly clicked. “You told him.”

“Yeah, also your stuff is here, I had Lexi bring it.” 

“Oh she shouldn’t have.” I hated having her do things that weren’t in her job description. That was something my parents had drilled into me at an early age, never expect help but always be graceful when it is given.  

“I wanted to do something nice for you.”  

Two hours later we were welcomed into Bill’s house by the man himself.

“Charlotte, how are you? It seems your life has done a crazy 180 since I saw you last.” I did not want to remember how that meeting had ended.  

“Yeah the whole HBO thing.” 

“No, you and Seth… ?”

“Your intel is wrong and keep your nose out of my business.” He was several inches taller than me, but I squared my shoulders and looked him straight in the face. I needed to squash these rumors, for all of our sakes.  

“Seth is my business.”

“So you’re telling me every detail of his personal life is your business? Because I think his shower needs unclogging.” 

“I am standing right here.” Seth said helplessly. Ten minutes later we were served what looked like handmade burgers. What Bill proclaimed were the best burgers in the world.

“Oh is this an LA thing?” I asked. 

“What LA thing?”

I switched into a valley girl voice, which had morphed into a very bad impression of Amber. “This the best burger ever.” 

“That is the scariest thing I have ever seen and I had to watch Trump be inaugurated, though that might have been a great day for you.” I rolled my eyes at Bill.  

“I am so not taking that bait, but nice try.” Seth took up the mantel of trying to weasel it out of me.

“Come on, I have read almost everything you have written on the election.” I was flattered that he had taken the time. He must have more important things to do. “You don’t share your political affiliation, are you even registered to vote?”

“Yes, I am registered. Yes, I did vote but I am reporter first and foremost which means the world is not privy to my political affiliation.” 

“Chicken.” Bill whispered, like the adult he was.

“Impartial.” I countered, I had never declared a party not because I didn’t have views, but because I didn’t want people to read my pieces with some sort of slant or preconceived notions. “You make your living by parading your views around. I do the opposite.” 

“You need to make a living? Doesn’t your mother own Hollywood, and your grandmother the rest of the world?” 

“I have always refused their money, every cent I have is mine.” I had some sort of warped sense of pride that made it impossible for me to take a cent off my parents.  

“What about your trust fund?”  

“Someone learned how to use Google.”

Bill rolled his eyes.

“I have never touched that money, except when I paid for Harvard. Which I have repaid in full, it turns out the lecture circuit is quite profitable.” Large schools were willing to shell out all sorts of amounts for you to come lecture for a two-week course.  

“So what are you going to do with the money?” I smiled at Seth.

“Honestly I don’t know. It’s probably going to be for my kids, if I ever have any.” I saw the two men exchange a quick glance that was filled with meaning, though I had no idea what it meant. I carried on, “my mother has this idea that one day some great personal crisis will hit and she wants me to have a nest egg.” Bill had pulled up that dreaded figure on his phone to show Seth, whose eyes had gone comically wide.

“That isn’t a nest egg Charlotte, that is a nest boulder.” Bill suddenly got serious. Something I did not know was possible.

“I am assuming you are taking the HBO job.” That was not a question.

“It looks like it, though it is scaring the shit out of me.” Now was the time for honesty, I needed the backup.  

“You are going to love HBO, none of the crazy network bullshit that you hear about. Sure, they have ideas but usually they hire talented people” He indicated himself and me, “and then get the hell out of our way, but if you need anything…” I gave him a small smile that I hoped would convey my gratitude. With their encouragement, I started to feel semi-confident that I could do this. 


	16. Chapter 16

The next night I was revising my outline again. I was so focused that I didn’t realize that Seth was calling my name, till his hand was right in front of my face. 

“Holy fuck.” I nearly jumped out of my skin and down the hallway. 

"I am sorry, I didn’t think you would react so violently.” He said smiling.

"I have weird reflexes, sorry for not hearing you. I just wanted to check it again.” I reshuffled the papers and made sure my fonts matched up.

“You’ve read that outline 500x. Everyone you know has read it. You literally have a binder of backup information. You are ready.” He put his arm on my shoulder, trying to still the shuffling.  

"I should work on my pitch some more." 

"You have been reciting it for three days now. You got this, plus I don’t think they are going to make you actually pitch it. They want your idea, this is going to be easy.” How could he be so sure? I had been having nightmares for days of everything that could go wrong. 

He tried a different approach. “Charlotte please let’s just have some dinner and go to bed." 

“If you let me pay for the food." 

“It’s already here.” I cracked a smile.  

"Clever boy,” I said and he smirked in response. Tonight was another round of Chipotle, for some reason I couldn’t make pleasant conversation. Maybe it was the fact that we’re sitting on the deck looking at one of the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen. I had to break this quickly, something to bring me back to reality.  

"So where is Amber tonight?”

"Hawaii for a photo-shoot.” He looked up at me. "What’s your opinion of her?" 

“I don’t think I am the right person to ask that.” I couldn’t trust myself not to say something rude about her. I really did like her, she seemed naive but sweet.  

“Why? You and I are friends, right?” Damn it, this wasn’t fair. I had said no and now I was forced to sit and listen to this. So I decided to be honest. 

“I like her. I don’t really know her, but she seems nice, at least according to the Internet.” It was true, Amber was a model turned actress working on some CW show she spent her weekends volunteering at some animal shelter and had done a lot of modeling for charity. 

“You goggled her?” He asked, seemingly taken aback by this. 

"I had to find out if some perverted scientists designed her or she just got the lucky end of the DNA straw. She seems like good people, and like her. In the end that’s all that matters.”  A smile played around his lips.

“You’re saying that the opinions of friends and family don’t matter?” 

“They do, but you need to evaluate them properly." 

"Let me guess you have made charts on your potential boyfriends?”  He had hit it right on the money. 

"They were color coded, and awesome." 

We spent another hour outside until it became too dark to enjoy the outdoors. I welcomed my bed. Even though I was bone tired I tossed and turned for another two hours. Then at around three am I woke up with bathed in sweat and my heart racing. I had dreamed about the collapse of my career, my friendships burning to the ground, and even my father had turned his back on me. All because of this meeting. I couldn’t breathe. The darkness was making my eyes water. I felt nauseous. I tried to move but I couldn’t. Tears running down my cheeks. I felt the light go on and felt a hand on my back, and a soft deep voice saying.

“Hey you’re ok. Breathe.” I tried but it came out shallow. "Deep breath in and out.” At some point my heart slowed and everything started to come back into focus. Though his hand never left my back, and started rubbing circles into it.  

I wiped my eyes and asked, “What are you doing here?" 

"I went to get water and I heard you sobbing and hyperventilating, here.” He held out his glass of water and I drank greedily.

"I am sorry, you should be sleeping I know you have an early…” I felt the sobbing come back. I couldn’t keep dumping my shit on him.  

“Don’t worry about it. You’re going to be fine.” 

“How am I going to get through the actual meeting if even the thought of the meeting is gives me a panic attack?”

“Because you’re Charlotte Arden.” He said simply, as if it was that easy. 

I gave a hard laugh. “That isn’t very reassuring.“ 

"You don’t seem to have a very high opinion of yourself and I don’t get it. You are smart, beautiful, and kind.“

“Thank you." 

“Just the truth. And that’s what friends are for.” I collapsed onto his shoulder, which was surprisingly comfortable. He turned to look at me.

“What are your concerns exactly?” 

I took another deep breath and started.  

"Losing my itinerary and getting lost.”

“Give me a copy and I’ll check up on you.” I gave him an embarrassed smile. I realized he wasn’t making fun of me; he was generously trying to help. “Next?”

“That I won’t find the building, and get lost.“

"John will guide you if you get lost and if you want you can enable tracking on your phone and I’ll guide you there.”

“What if my heel breaks?” Hobbling into HBO wasn’t exactly the dream. 

“You have two reserve pairs packed.”  

“What if my notes get lost?”

“You have them backed up on the cloud and leave me a copy just in case.” 

"Thank you.” I bad thought crossed my mind, but I knew I would sleep better if I at least asked. "I know this is unfair to ask but…” I trailed off 

"Do you want me to stay?”

“Please?“ 

"No problem.” 

But it was a problem. He pulled me to his chest and pulled the blanket towards us. I wanted this and him so badly, but I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to enjoy his body warmth for a little while.

I woke up the next morning with him lightly snoring next to me, and his arm draped over my stomach. He looked so young. It was hard to reconcile that young face with the multi-billion dollar franchise he ran. He must have been so scared when he started here. A twenty two year old boy from New England given the slot after the Super Bowl. He never talked about it but those first couple of years, but they must have been hard. I wondered if it was possible to every morning wake up like this every morning. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and got out of bed. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

The next couple of days went way too fast, but I couldn’t let go of the idea of  _us_. Then it was the morning of my interview. When I landed and turned on my phone. It immediately started vibrating with a call from my grandmother.

"Gran what’s wrong?”

“Does something have to be wrong for me to call you?“ She said, in her usually haughty tone.

“No. It usually just is.”  

"Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to tell you to marry that boy.” My grandmother had strong opinions on everything from pocket squares to how I should have my will done.  

“Which boy?”

“That Seth MacFarlane.” I rolled my eyes, why was she in on this.

“Why?“

"I was looking through some of the pictures from the gallery and the way he looks at you even after you ran out. Not many would that.” 

“Pictures?” She was already culling the pictures for the end of year in perspective.

"Yes Charlotte keeps up.”

“I’ll say it again, you should marry him.“

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? I taught you how to get what you want.” Yes she had. It was one of the first things they had taught me. The world is scared of strong women, and it was your job to scare the shit out of the world.  

“Oh no, he wants me…” She cut me off.

“I understand now, you’re running. Both me and your mother have been married for decades and has that stopped us from achieving?” This was a common argument, but the truth was it had. My mom stepped away from the studio when she had me and she had to reestablish herself when she got back, and fight even harder because now she had a compelling reason to stay home.

"You and mom had given things up.”

“We gave those things up gladly. We wanted family and connection, it is a lot more gratifying to be able to come home to someone.” My grandmother, the big softy, who knew?  

"I just…”

“You need to sort out your head, but not now because you are going into your HBO meeting.” I rolled my eyes of course she knew. I did get to the building ok. I stopped right outside of the building, to make sure that everything was in place. Right then a huge SVU decided to drive through a puddle and soak me in dirty rain water.

“Motherfucker!!! Yeah drive away. Fucking asshole.” There was no way of hiding this, why had I worn the [peach dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.stylishwife.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F06%2FBusiness-travel-outfits-For-WoMen0001.jpg&t=Nzg0ZDJiNTc3ZGRkMmEwMWMxZjgxMDUzY2E4NzNjM2RkNGYyZmE4OCxzdmJHd3MwcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157154320947%2Fchapter-16-an-let-me-know-what-you-think-the&m=1)? I had to go in and find a bathroom. I walked in and a girl maybe 22 stopped me. She was impeccably dressed in a [grey suit](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fs-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F99%2F30%2Fb8%2F9930b897778da578fa0c256381403aac.jpg&t=OWY3MjBjNTFlOWJiOTg4ZjBmM2U5MWI0ZGMxMzYwYWVjYTIxMzNhMSxzdmJHd3MwcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157154320947%2Fchapter-16-an-let-me-know-what-you-think-the&m=1), which perfectly highlighted her delicate features.

"Hi, I am Charlotte Arden I am here for a meeting with…”

“With Mr. Bloy? We have been expecting you.”

“As you can see.” I gestured to my ruined outfit. "N.Y. doesn’t agree with me, is there anywhere I can change?”

“Sure, second door down the hall.” I was thanking my lucky stars that I had brought a backup outfit.  

“Thank you." 

She held out her hands

“Let me take that.” She took my bags from me.  

"Thank you.” I said with a grateful smile. I ran to the bathroom and I quickly changed, making sure I didn’t look too rough. Sprayed some Chanel 5 to get rid of the puddle water smell. Channel 5 was the only perfume I wore, mostly out of habit and because I could ‘borrow’ a bottle from my mother when I needed it. When I was twelve she had taken me aside and given me a bottle and said that this was the best, and out of laziness I had never changed it. Ten minutes later I was sitting in Mr. Bloy’s office out of breathe but at least ready. His office was impressively modern and huge.

"I am so sorry Mr. Bloy. I had a run in with a puddle.”  

"We heard, we are running a bit behind ourselves so all is well.”

"Thank you. I do have outline.”

“Oh we have full confidence in your outline, but today is just to talk.” Seth had been right, it was all talking.

They confirmed what John had said. They wanted me to get Twitter, and they wanted me to wear heels. It wasn’t some sort of sexist request; it was simply the fact that all the cameras would have to be adjusted to compensate for my height, plus most of the time I would be behind a desk. They had amazing ideas for the show. Like the look of the show and what I had never considered like what day of the show would premiere. They told me that they had set up a possible staff, and that they wanted to me to have a strong internship program, all of which I was ok with. We talked about my salary and I googled at the figure, I had expected a third of that and took the deal immediately. I told them I was going to have a lawyer check the contract and then sign it. That was another lesson I had learned from my mother, always checking the contract, and then have a lawyer check it. It was official, I was going to do this. I walked out of the meeting to see the girl that had helped me in my time of need. I went to thank her.

"Thank you for all your help. I am sorry I never caught your name.”

“Lucy Kim.” I light went on in my head; this was the girl that John had suggested as a PA.

"Are you?”

“Yes.” I was impressive I didn’t know many girls her age that in control. Hell, I wasn’t that in control of my life.  

“Impressive.”  

“Thank you.“

It just burst out of her "I can start right away.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Eager?”

“Yes.“

"Good, so it’s no secret that I am on very new ground here and everything is moving very fast. So I don’t have time for an interview, but what we will do is two weeks of probation and then we’ll see.”

“Thank you Ms. Arden.”

“Just call me Charlotte, it is a lot easier.“ We exchanged information and I gave her access to my calendar. Then I realized how new I was at this.

"I really don’t have anything for you to do.”

“How about I get your suit dry cleaned.” I hadn’t even thought about the wet dress still hidden in my bag.

“Yes thank you.” We parted ways after I asked for directions to John’s office. As I was walking to his office, I realized I had done it. I had my own show. I was going to be teaching civic education to all of America, or at least all those who watched HBO. This put a huge smile on my face, and a bounce into my step.  

"Johnny boy how are you?” I said, walking into his office.

"Good. I heard about your meeting. I heard they loved you.” My smile broadened, I must look mad. “So no breakdown necessary. I did get you something.” He pulled a small bag from the top drawer of his desk.

"Maltese! You are a gift thank you.” British candy was something America desperately needed to adopt. We spent the next hour talking and eating. I thanked him profusely for helping me, and he promised that he would keep doing. When I got back to my hotel, I collapsed into my bed, and for the first time in what felt like forever I fell asleep right away.

* * *

The next day, I snuck into the Bellevue garden, and just relaxed. It had been years since I had been here but it was great. I think I fell asleep on my bench. My parents had donated after I had gotten out of the hospital. When I woke up I knew what I had to do. I called my grandmother and after a three hour argument she finally relented and told me a courier would bring it to LA and take it back after a week.

The next couple of days were full of meetings and hiring the right people. Though my best hire by far was Lucy, she had in a couple of days, revolutionized my life. My calendar was organized and color-coded. She made sure I got to where I needed to. She had taken over my emails, which had quadrupled ever since it had been announced that I had gotten the show. Everyone wanted a piece of me. I had gotten the dreaded twitter account, but which the guys at IT had set it up wonderfully. I just had to check it every morning and every night and tweet three times a week about the show, everything else was up to me. 

The next thing they had me do was fitted for outfits. Since we were filming as we went a long. It was a weird experience, fun but weird. I wasn’t used to the fancy business dresses or the heels, but Butch made it fun. Butch was just what his name implied. A strong burly man who used to work construction before he got into fashion. One day he realized what his true passion was and went for it. Now he was working here and dressing John, Bill, and now me. I never really cared about what I was wearing. I was most comfortable in t-shirts, old jeans, and converse.

A couple of days later they had me fly back to LA for a weekend because they wanted me to do a photo shoot for the website and the promos. On my first night back I invited Seth to lunch… at his house. Gran had been very specific no one was to know she had this.

“I got you something.”

“You didn’t need to. You already got me the…”

“This is different. Over the years my mother and I have tried to get my grandmother to donate it, but she won’t. It took me a while but I convinced her to loan you this. She wanted me to make this clear to you; it is to be handled with the utmost care. Again you can tell no one you have it. My grandmother would kill us both and put our heads on pikes as warnings to others.” He looked genuinely scared.

“Now I am scared. Do I want this gift?’

‘You can say no, and we will never speak of it again, but you’ll never know…” I wanted to see the surprise on his face when he found out.

“You can’t do this to me.”

“Take the plunge or not.”

“Says the right person…sorry.”

“I am surprised it hasn’t happened more often, so do you want it or not?”

“Give it to me.” He said with confidence and I couldn’t suppress a giggle. He cocked his eyebrow,

“Really?”

“Who spent all morning correctly phrasing a poop joke?”

“For work,” he insisted.

“Still, this gift comes with a story. My great grandmother was a high profile socialite, and was 20 years old when the WWII ended. In other words, she was young, happy, and naïve. One night at a gala she met an enchanting young man. An up and coming singer, and she feel head over heals for him. What followed was a summer of romance and folly. They laughed, drank, and danced. He sang while she played the piano. By the end of that summer his eyes had been caught on a different girl though. He moved on and she was broken. The only thing she had left were recordings of the songs that they had played together. The reason that story is important is that we still have the records. She kept them all those years, she wanted something of his that “was only hers”. My grandmother reckons she never got over the loss. She got married and had a kid, but all she wanted was to get back to that summer. Again this is a loan; there will be a man to collect it by the end of the week. You wanna see it?”

“Desperately.” With the utmost care I pulled the case out of my bag, and walked it over to him. He pulled out the record. He eyes roved over it. He hadn’t seen it yet.

“Look at the signature.” I smiled as his eyes went wide. He had seen the signature and undoubtedly recognized the loopy F and S. Maybe even the long line that crossed the t.  

“You’re fucking kidding me.” He breathed. “Charlotte it’s not… it can’t be …” I smiled.

“It is.”

“No one knew?” He asked.

“They couldn’t tell anyone, they came from different worlds. Yes, he was a rising star, but she was still so far out of his reach. Plus it was just a summer romance and he wasn’t exactly faithful to anyone. Though my grandma reckons that line from  _It Was A Very Good Year_ is about her.” The shock was still etched onto his face. I put my chin on his shoulder, and my arms around midsection.

“This is incredible, I can’t even… Thank you from the bottom of my heart, this is crazy.” He seemed out of breath at what he was holding. 

“You have been incredibly kind to me. So play a bit with it a little and enjoy.” He must have put the record down because the next minute he was kissing me, I smiled and didn’t pull away. This was what I wanted. When I woke up in Bellevue Park I had somehow known that I could make this work.  

“I am so sorry that was… “ he stammered. I cut him off with another kiss sinking into his lap.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” I pecked his lips and got up. He held onto my hips.

“Where the fuck are you going? Are you running again, because…?” I gave him a smile of mock innocence and confusion.

“I am going to go have lunch with Charlize… and then I am going to come back and make out with you some more. If that’s ok?”  


	17. Chapter 17

I knew Seth and I’s warm and comfortable LA bubble would have to pop eventually. It started with me going back to NY. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten from sunning myself on his beautiful terrace to the dirty floor of a small public HBO restroom. I hadn’t even made it up the stairs before being ready to collapse. I was meeting the team for the first time today. I had to somehow cement myself as a good boss and a leader.

“Charlotte you’re going to be fine.” Lucy said patting my shoulder. I wanted to laugh; this wasn’t the way the first week of work was supposed to go. I was supposed to be Super Woman. Yet here I was, staring at dirty ceiling tiles.  

“I can’t do this.” I knew we both heard the crack in my voice. If Lucy ever wanted to write a memoir this would definitely be a highlight.  

“I really can’t. I actually passed out on front of my doctoral committee last year.” I had never been more scared. Not when being chased by rebels in Somalia or while taking fire in the Hindu Kush, but what made me pass out was ugly carpeting and old white guys. I had spent years working and doing my doctorate, which was why it had taken me so long. What took most people four years* had taken me six, but I had gotten in front of that committee. A doctoral dissertation about the flow of political capital in American institutions. To the interviewers’ credit they hadn’t held it against me. There was something very cruel about standing in front of a group of people who were experts in your field. Having to present and defend something that you have been working on for the better part of six years. It was what I imagined auditions were like.

“You have a doctorate?” The surprise was clear on Lucy’s face. I didn’t talk about it for a reason. I hated the barrage of questions that came along with it, why aren’t you teaching? If your expertise lie in American politics, why are you covering anywhere but America? Couldn’t you be paid a lot more somewhere else? All of these questions had answers, but not ones I wanted to divulge at a dinner party to some half drunk idiot. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to divulge them to anyone ever.

“Yeah in Political Science. There is a reason they gave me a show.” I mean I didn’t actively hide it, I just never volunteered the information. It was so new still and sometimes it felt like if I talked about it I would wake up and all the work would be gone.

“And I thought it was because you’re so pretty.” I gave her a crooked smile.We had fallen into an easy relationship. While she respected me as her boss and I as my employee there was casualness to our relationship, partially due to the fact that this was both our first outing as being a PA and needing a PA.

“You have two minutes before you need to be in the conference room.” This was Lucy’s best feature. She kept my trains running on time. It was easy for me to get hyper-focused and lose track of time, completely ignoring where I had to be when. I thought about the conference room and I felt another wave of nausea coming over me. I leaned over to the toilet seat and heaved what was left of my breakfast into the bowl.

“How about some Xanax?” Another thing I had had to tell Lucy about, medication. It was weird to talk about what I took and for what but she had to know. Just in case.

“Already took 2.”

I am not sure how I got myself off the floor of that bathroom. Maybe it was just the stink of the place. A sort of bad egg smell with something more sinister lurking underneath. Lucy guided me to the conference room, a big beautiful room with the walls made of entirely out of glass. There was what looked like a wonderfully sturdy dark wood table. As I had requested there was a huge whiteboard on one side of the room. That’s where the show would truly be born.

The conference room wasn’t empty. There were a lot of people sitting or milling around. I knew only a few from having had short interviews with them, but most of them were strangers. Scary strangers whom I now had to lead. I took one long breath and opened the door.

“Hello.” They all turned to me expectantly. This was it, the first impression. This had to land.

Open your mouth. God damn it Charlotte, but I couldn’t get my mouth. All I could think was of was to run. To get as far away from these people as possible. I took another step into the room and felt my vision start to cloud over with black. I don’t even remember falling, yet when I regained consciousness I was lying on the floor. Twenty or so people were crowded around me, all trying to both see if I was ok and at the same time give me room to breathe.

Before anyone could ask if I was ok I mumbled some sort of apology and something about needing to run to bathroom.

Then I was back on the bathroom floor. The room was spinning. I sat in the corner staring at the off white tiles as they seemed to blur together. My heart was ready to burst through my ribcage, bile rising in my throat. It felt like my blouse was trying to strangle me, and everything was too hot. My hair weighed thousand pounds. I could feel the tears fighting to run down my cheeks.

I tried to slow my breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, release for four, and breathe in for four… I felt my heart slow down and my breathing even out, but then all the racing thoughts that this panic had banished came rushing back.

Should I call someone? Iz? I hadn’t talked to her in weeks, at first I had genuinely forgotten but now it was simply fear of her never wanting to speak to me again. John? No, while we were friends, our friendship was not at this level. Seth? For some reason my brain screamed: NO. Our relationship had only really started a couple of days ago. This wasn’t fair to him, to call him with all this bullshit. What would he think? A man who had built an empire with his own sweat and blood. Who never took a break. Who ran 3 television shows, had Grammy nominations for his music, and made movies on the weekend for fun. How could I tell a man who did all that that I simply couldn’t get through one staff meeting?

My phone buzzed, and pulled me out of my thoughts. There was an email from Casey. Did he already know about my little episode in the conference room or was this something else? With the dearest wish of this being something to distract me from what seemed to be an even worse smell than before I opened the email.

Dear Charlotte,

John just had an amazing an idea for the show - Why had I let him sign on as a consultant again?

We want you to do online exclusives - Oh God, what fresh hell is this? I didn’t want to do more camera work I wanted less. The show hadn’t even really started and they wanted more. Could Casey just be happy with what I had promised him?

Something to tie people over till the show actual comes out. We are talking ten-minute segments. We were thinking that they would be more topical - Pure panic treated to overtake me again.

Plus it would be a great way to get your face out there. In addition we think you should do the late shows - Fuck.

Years ago I had been booked on The Daily Show. They had wanted to interview me about my work and what it was like to be in the field post 9/11. Two minutes before I was supposed to go on I had had a full-blown panic attack, even worse than what I had suffered today. John had been amazing about it, and had seamlessly covered for me. The worst part was the look on my mother’s face. She had never been one for yelling; she was too much of a ‘lady’ for that. It was just a look “I wanted this, you disappointed me, and thank you for proving me right.”

Let me know what you think - Casey - He never signed his emails, he said they it was just wasting time. I guess if you’re responsible for so many shows you don’t have time for sign offs.

I needed to get up off these horribly stained tiles and back into that room. I tried to push myself up with the wall but I slid back down almost immediately. I looked down at my watch and smiled. It had been my grandfather’s watch. During WW2 he had protected a German watchmaker and his family. As a thank you the watchmaker had made him this watch. On the back he had engraved “Der Mut wächst mit der Gefahr; die Kraft erhebt sich im Drang.” ** (Courage grows with danger; strength rises in need.)

I could hear my mother’s voice echoing in my head “Charlotte, get off the floor do not be a whiny baby, you have a job go do it. What would the press say if they saw you like this?” I snorted, that was always her argument. What if the press caught wind of this? If they found out you were only human? What if her reputation was sullied somehow. What if someone found out that Carol Arden has a defective daughter?

She was right though, if this got out I would be doomed and the show right along with me. Words like incompetent and nepotism would be thrown around. With those words bouncing around in my head I tried again to get off the floor and this time I did it. I was still shaky and my face looked like I had spent too long at a Kiss concert but I could fix that. Water took care of the makeup; while it was not ideal it was better than an emo backup dancer. I righted my dark green Donna Karen, a gift from my grandmother when I had interview and ran my fingers through my dark brown hair. The professional bun I had managed this morning hung in a mess of hairspray and bobby pins around my face. There was nothing much I could do about my hair, but I did manage a somewhat sufficient ponytail.

The issue was with no makeup I looked like a corpse. I cursed my complexion, which right now looked almost translucent and the dark hair didn’t help. I pushed opened the door and hoped that none of this would help my hopefully less disastrous second impression.

* People take varying amounts of time to do complete a PhD program, but if you are on a PhD track four years is standard. 

** The german quote in this chapter isn’t originally mine it’s from Friedrich Schiller (a famous german poet). I did do the translation.


	18. Chapter 18

After putting myself back together somewhat and hoping to God that the additional Xanax I had swallowed would kick in sooner than later I went back to the conference room. Again before they could ask I said.  

“I’m fine guys sorry about that. This is all so new to me. I am not going to beat around the bush. I am inexperienced when it comes to running a TV show, but I am going try and learn everything I can to make this show successful. I want this show to be the best it can be. One of my biggest goals is objectivity. I know we all have some sort of political ideology. I know some of you are happy with the current administration and others want to fling themselves off a cliff.” This earned me a chuckle, good they weren’t looking at me like I had three heads. “This show will try it’s very best to show no preference. We want to present the facts and their context and nothing more. Let people make their own decisions. Along with that comes the fact that you will most likely never know most of my political positions. The reason being is that I have found people are more likely to speak their mind if they don’t fear some sort of punishment for their beliefs. That does not mean I won’t push back and ask you to explain and defend your position but I am not in the business of putting my personal ideology on you. There are a few exceptions, things I just cannot keep quiet about. I will preface those things with this is my belief rather than putting it out as fact.” 

I took a breath. ”Good?” I didn’t wait for an answer fearing that I would loose my steam “Good.”

“Now for the fun part, topics. With the advice and consent…” that bought me another couple of chuckles, I smiled. I might make it through this alive. “We have seven episodes to be delivered by April of 2018. We will be doing one on the history of democracy in America, one on the Senate, the presidency, the Supreme Court, diplomacy and foreign relations, and last but not least the budget.” I had changed them with the approval of Casey since the Electoral College would not be relevant till 2020 and that polling while interesting would not be big enough to fill an hour.

“April of 2018 seems far away, it isn’t. These episodes will be detailed, fact based and accurate. This might seem obvious but it does add to our schedule. We will only call experts, which means if anyone here has any sort of professors or other experts that would like to be interviewed whether on or off camera please let me know. In the coming weeks we will start designing outlines for these episodes going from a wide angle lens to a close up.” I chose not to tell them about the minisodes that Casey wanted to do because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do them and I didn’t want to put extra pressure on them from the get go.

“Any questions?” I asked looking around at the room.

“How should we address you?” A woman asked, she looked to be in her late thirties and wore a beautiful bee brooch. She had short blonde hair in what I could only assume be the latest cut and wore an outfit that looked like it had been poured on rather than she had put on. I turned red at her question, in the entire hubbub I had forgotten to introduce myself.

“Let’s go with Charlotte because all the other titles are just confusing.” To put off anymore of my questions about my personal life I added. “I went to Harvard for my education where I specialized in surprise-surprise American politics with a concentration in American elections and institutions.” They could find out about the PhD by themselves. “I moved to London and started working at the Economist covering mostly American politics. In the last couple of years I shifted to a foreign reporter, usually in crisis regions.” I looked around expecting more questions. A young man maybe three years younger than me timidly raised his hand. I smiled and called on him.  

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I was what I guessed visibly taken aback by that, because the blonde boy shrank away from me. I dismissed his worries with a smile and a wave. Then I made a snap decision. I’m not really sure what possessed me to say it but I think that I just wasn’t ready for people to know about Seth. I didn’t want it impacting the way people saw me or have them judge me for it.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

A small young woman sitting next to me asked.

“There is an article in the Times that calls you a genius. What is something you don’t know?” I hated Google at that moment and it’s wonderful capabilities to find anything on anyone. I rolled my eyes. I was never going to be rid of that article. My mother had drummed it up for me after I had finished my dissertation because “it was time to start working on my career.”

“It also calls me cold and detached.” To be fair I had been, but I had just come home from an assignment in Chad and had been in no mood to chat.

I continued, “to answer your question I still don’t understand economic comparative advantage. Once you get the point where you have and exasperated Milton Friedman sitting on the floor trying to explain it to you with wine glasses and forks you gotta give up. Anything else?”

From there on it was just more administrative stuff. The next two weeks passed in a pleasant blur. I was settling in finding my place. They had found me a nice office, close to the conference room. Luckily my walls weren’t see-through and I had gotten to pick what chair I had wanted for behind my desk. Though I tried, I didn’t talk to Seth much in those two weeks. It became ever more apparent that our schedules were just not compatible. We both worked too much and with the time difference by the time he collapsed into bed at night I was already getting ready for work.

What bothered me most in those two weeks was my looming conversation with Casey about the YouTube videos. I desperately didn’t want to do them. I thought we would have the meeting at the latest on the third day but there had been some sort of major fuck up on the Game of Thrones production and that meant all hands on deck.

This explained why Em had been silent for the last couple of weeks, she was probably dealing with all of this. So I just sent her quick text reading “Hope you and the dragons are ok. Don’t let the mortals get you down.”

Finally, in the last hour before going home before going to the airport on that Friday I got to meet with Casey.

“What do you think, regarding the mini-sodes?”

“I think it adds a lot of work to people’s plates.” I had thought a lot about this meeting and had decided that I was going to be honest with him. There was no point in overselling the team. Not that they weren’t qualified or ready but I didn’t want to overload them and then have them quit on me. We had caught lightning in a bottle with the team. They worked well together and had established a sort of family relationship mentality at a very early stage. Though I wasn’t sure what that made me to them? Mother? Cool aunt?

He looked at me skeptically “Your plate?”

“No, my plate can handle it but what about the people who now work for me? They came in with a different objective and more…” He cut me off abruptly. I could see that whatever the debacle with GoT had been it was clearly still wearing on him.

“Look this is a deal breaker the show is still early enough that we can pull it.” There was the ace up his sleeve. He was right, all we had done was release a press release and HBO could simply just pull it’s funding and we would all be filling out job applications at Kinkos.  

“Yes sir.” I said plastered on the biggest appeasing-the-boss smile I could muster.

“We aren’t talking about big segments here. Ten minutes tops something topical, election fraud, wiretapping claims, SCOTUS nomination and so on. We need this to get you acquainted with the viewing audience and the format of the show.” All of this acquaintance bullshit, I hated it. Could people not just Google me find out if they liked me and watch the show based on that? Or you know look at it from a merit point of view and not the curve of my ass.

“Plus not everyone has the money for HBO so if we release a couple of these on YouTube maybe you’ll get more subscriptions.” He raised an eyebrow but soon dropped it due to what I thought was over exhaustion.

“Yes, we also need you to do the late night shows.” I started to protest. “Not up for negotiation. You knew when you signed on.” He was right. I had never imagined it would be this much. Plus this early on in the process, but what had I said in that first group meeting? April 2018 is closer than you think.  

“I know, I am just not a big fan of HEY, LOOK AT ME.” He gave me a sardonic smile.  

“Welcome to show business, kid.” With his next words his smile turned genuine. “We’ll guide you through the whole thing, we won’t leave you hanging. He looked behind me at the small weekend suitcase I had packed.

“Where are you going this late?”

“LA.” I hated just thinking about how long the flight alone would be, but anything to wake up with Seth tomorrow in a comfortable bed that wasn’t John’s couch. While the Olivers’ had a guest bedroom, they were also finishing some remodeling from when their son was born. So I had been sleeping on their couch for the last couple of weeks.

“What’s in LA…?” he asked. I smiled that was a tougher question than I thought it would be, but I came up with the only truth I could give at the moment.

“Opportunities.”


	19. Chapter 19

I couldn’t help but notice that when Casey and I said our goodbyes that rather then going home he was heading back to his office. I walked down the hallway trying to find the stupid elevator, which kept eluding me. It was like the hallways were testing me. On what I seemed like the tenth time I had rounded a corner I ran head-first into John.  

He started with “Before I forget, as much as I love you…”

“Yes, I will get out of your apartment tonight all my stuff is already out and being moved.” Thank God for Lucy.

“Where are you going stay?” I hated this.  

“St Regis.” I tried to pass it off as nothing, though I knew that wasn’t going to fly.

“The hotel?”

“Yeah.” 

I saw his eyes bulge and I rolled mine. That’s what happened when you were NY ‘royalty’. I had hated every second of it: the smiling, the posing, and worst of all the knowledge that all of these people secretly were just looking for ways to hurt each other. It was always who had the bigger penthouse? Did someone have a place both in Aspen and the Hamptons or just in, insert whatever bullshit location was ‘in’ that season?

“You’re going to live there?”

I nodded. Seeing his expression, one I tried to avoid. I quickly added. “My family owns a suite there so it’s free, as long as I give my mother bi-weekly updates on my life.” I had needed a place fast, and no time to go looking for a place. The Regis was a short walking distance away from the office and I couldn’t lie, all the amenities made life a lot easier. I didn’t have to remember to do any of the mundane parts of life: shopping, cleaning, laundry, and so on.

I don’t deny that being “blue blooded” has its perks; it just can also be very draining. Having your life on display for everyone to read and gossip about was never fun. All that attention can be good. If for example if you’re raising money for a charity like my grandmother. There is however an uglier side to that coin. When people openly relish at your misfortune and criticize your most intimate decisions.  

After taking a moment to adjust he asked. “So with a suite at the Regis why are you leaving?”

“Because for all its charm and nice bathtubs the Regis is not where I want to be this weekend.” I felt my face heat, and a knowing look pass over John’s face.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“Not yet.”

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready or will I have to find out from TMZ?” Fucking hell, how had he known?

“You don’t watch TMZ and how did you know?”

“The look in your eye. You lit up like a Christmas tree when I asked.” Damn it. I didn’t have the energy or the will to explain all of it right now. He understood my silence and simply waved goodbye. Then I went back to my quest of finding the elevator. When I finally found the damn elevator I saw Lucy standing there waiting for me.

“A woman called Iz keeps calling you.”  Fuck. I knew she would catch up with me. Now or later I thought. I had been successfully avoiding her because Lucy had found technology, that when turned on, would screen all of my calls through her and I didn’t have to deal with telemarketers or roommates that made me feel guilty.

“Shit, send me the call and you’re done for the week. Enjoy your weekend.” She nodded and left. I felt my phone buzzing and picked up when I got to the lobby and out to find a cab. Luckily it was after rush hour so the ride was smooth, or at least as smooth as it could get in New York.

“Hey Iz.” I said sliding into the first cab I found.

“Charlotte Elizabeth Arden what the actual fuck?” I could feel the anger in her voice. This was going to suck.  

“Look I am sorry. I sprung all of this on you so late, but in all fairness, it was kinda sprung on me too.” I knew this was a weak defense and so did she.

“You leave and don’t tell me anything for weeks.”

“Because…”

“No listen.” I could hear tears filling her voice, and my heart cracked. “You leave say you’ll be back. A couple of days later you tell me that you’re maybe moving to NY, and since then almost radio silence. I know for people like you this might not seem a big deal but it matters to me. You’re my best friend and I have to figure out how to pay rent this month.” There it was, we had always had issues over money, and they were finally coming to a head.  

“I’ll…” I started.

“Don’t do me any favors.”

“Look I am sorry. I got so wrapped up in…” I could feel my own eyes filling with tears.

“Save it. What do you want me to do with all of your stuff? I could just throw it out. You could just buy new shit, not like it matters to you.”

I managed to choke out a no.

“So you want me to pack it and ship it to you as well. Like your own personal butler.”

“No, I just don’t…”  

“Have the time? Yeah that seems to be going around.” I heard the line go dead, and in that silence I could feel the end of our friendship.

Now I burst out fully sobbing, and for once I was glad that nobody asked me if I was ok. The flight was long and boring, I tried to distract myself with work or even just listening to Seth’s dulcet tones but everything led back to Iz. How cold and hurt she had sounded.

It was either way too late or way to early when I arrived at Seth’s depending on what way you looked at the clock. Though there he was sitting, reading the last few pages of  _Clash of Civilizations_.

I dropped my backpack gave him a quick kiss before sitting down next to him. Then quickly deciding that I needed more kissing. Kissing him like this had the wonderful effect that everything else stopped mattering. It held me in the present moment, like nothing else ever had. When we were done we sat back and I simply settled into the crook of his neck. I was about to fall asleep when I by accident smelled my own pungent odor.

“I have take a goddamn shower because I smell like… nope I am not going to even try and identify the smell.”

He gave me a big smile and gave my hand a squeeze before helping me off the couch. As I was walking up the stairs I heard him call.  

“I’ll let my sister know that she can meet us for a late lunch tomorrow.” My whole world stopped. I turned heel and stared at him.

“What the actual fuck?”

“Yeah I wanted you to meet her and vice versa.”

“What in the ever loving fuck were you thinking?”

He started to register the pure panic on my face because he said in a calming voice.

“I just want to share this part of my life with her.”

“And you didn’t think of consulting that part of your life about it first would be good?” He seemed genuinely clueless. How could he not see this as a colossal fuck up ready to happen? 

“Because I don’t want people to know.” Confusion and hurt flashed across his face in equal measure.

“Why?”

“Because…” That was the million-dollar question. I came back down the stairs and moved towards him but he stepped away.   

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“No…” I was desperately trying to find the right words. I knew anything I could come up with now would definitely not come out well, but I had to try. Fresh tears started to fight their way to the surface, but I pushed them back. I was too pissed to start crying now. 

“Seriously. I’ll wait.” He crossed his arm his shoulders bunching. I knew that look. It was determined Seth, the guy who through pure force of will kept three shows on the air, had a successful singing career, and made movies on the side.

This wasn’t going to be smoothed over quickly. He looked expectantly at me. I knew this train was headed for collision. Our relationship hadn’t even really gotten the chance to start was already dead in its tracks. I needed to think, so I said the first thing that came to mind.  

“Let me take a shower first.”

“Sure, though you should keep that on the down low we wouldn’t want the world finding out that you fucking shower.” Sarcasm was a daily part of our interaction, usually for a joke or some sort of loving banter, but now it cut like ice. I tried again to move closer to him to quickly see if I could kiss this ok, at least until tomorrow, but he held up his hands.

“Let’s talk about this first, why don't…” I cut him off with the first thing that came to my mind.  

“Because that’s what the story will be when it gets out. It won’t be “Charlotte Arden tries to save civic education”. It will be “look who Seth MacFarlane is dating”, and I can’t have that. There is only so much time people have to care about something and I don’t want it to be us. I want it to be educating the electorate.”

He squared his shoulders. I realized that equating his sister to everyone had probably been a mistake, but I also knew the more people knew the more likely it was to get out.

When he spoke next I could hear the barely contained rage in his voice. “How is telling my sister anything like telling the…”

“What’s that saying, three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.” He looked like he was about to yell so I added hurriedly. “My point being is the more people we tell the more likely it is to get out.”

“You’ve never met my sister, and I am pretty sure I am a better judge of her character than you, seeing that I grew up with her. Why wouldn’t you want the news to tell people about us? Why shouldn’t our relationship eat up some airtime?”

The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them.

“Because I don’t want to bother anybody just in case this turns out to be a fluke.” It wasn’t that I didn’t mean it, I did. I just… wasn’t ready to see the look on his face. To see the color drain out of his eyes.

“I am just going to go to bed now and pretend all of this didn’t happen.” There was no emotion in his voice. It would have been better if he had yelled and thrown things, called me all names he could think of… but he simply walked passed me, up the stairs, and out of sight.

I followed him up the stairs and down the hall, now desperate to talk this out. This hall contained all his pictures: his first drawings and the first strip he had published in the paper, pictures of his mom, his family, high school and college graduation, his first check from FOX, pictures from all the crews on the sets he had worked on, pictures of all his friends. 

While most of these were meticulously placed there was one frame that was completely devoid of pictures. I moved to ask him about it, but I noticed him staring at a different picture a little further down. It was a picture Charlize had taken of us one afternoon on the deck just two weeks ago. I hadn’t been able to smile properly for the picture and after a few tries Charlize cracked some bad joke and we started uncontrollably giggling, which was when she snapped the picture. I could feel the happiness of that moment radiating out into what was now a dark and loveless hallway. 

I hadn’t noticed that I was now actually crying till I quietly asked “What about never going to bed angry?”

“Not gonna happen.” Not one note of emotion in his voice. He opened his door and closed it quickly behind him.

I went to take a shower. It took everything in my willpower to not break down sobbing onto the beautiful light green tiles that made up the floor of his shower. When I was done and finally ready for bed. I padded back down the hallway to join Seth, and I found he had locked his door.

I stared at sleek silver handle, willing the door to unlock on its own. Or maybe just maybe have Seth open the door give me his big smile and tell me it was all a mistake. When it was too much for me to take I went back to my old room. The room I had used before our relationship had started. When I had slept here before I had felt close to Seth even though I was on the other side of the house. Now it felt like a distance I could never cover. 


	20. Chapter 20

I woke up the next morning to an empty house. In the weeks I had spent here previously there had been post it notes hanging on my mirror and in the kitchen and sometimes even on my laptop. Reminding me to eat or telling some sort of bad joke, today I found none of that. It made the house feel alien and cold. What I did find was an email from Casey. It was only two lines with no address or sign off. Maybe ff I closed my eyes I could hope that the email would just vanish or had been sent to me by mistake.

_Taking into consideration what you said yesterday, I want you to cut two main shows to make way for the minisodes. To make sure your team isn’t overloaded._

The rest of the day was just as silent and awful as beginning. I felt like a ghost in a house that over the last couple of months had been a constant source of laughter and light, like all the happiness had drained been drained from this house. I even hid from Vicki when she came to make dinner. 

I usually loved getting ready for bed. It helped calm my mind, review my day, and really take stock of my life. It was a trick I had learned in Afghanistan. Wherever you are in the world you can always have a nighttime routine. Today it felt like the final seal on our relationship. I stared at myself as I unbraided my hair. I had learned this particular braid from a fellow reporter when I first arrived in Kabul. It was useful because it didn’t fall apart at the slightest breeze.

Tanya had been the first person that had been nice to me when I had arrived alone scared and extremely green.

The first couple of days had been hell. I didn’t speak Arabic well enough to truly communicate and wasn’t used to hearing bombs and machine gun fire on a regular basis. I was in a constant state of panic. One night Tanya took pity on me and got me rousingly drunk at the nearest and cheapest place that served alcohol.

This is also when I met Alex. He enthralled me; he was smart sarcastic and a bit too big for his britches. I never even had a chance. In his own way he had been sweet in accepting me as an equal when everyone knew I was too young and inexperienced, which I had been. He hadn’t cared. He hadn’t cared that twenty-three and I was still a virgin. Maybe he even enjoyed it a little, plus according to him I had been a quick study. 

I had spent my days at Harvard studying. In those days I had jumped at the lightest touch and in constant fear of flashbacks. Triggers were around every corner. Car accidents aren’t exactly rare in Boston. Everyone had tried to convince me to go to a small college somewhere in the middle of Bumfuck, Idaho, but I had refused. I had gotten into Harvard, I was going to go. It felt like if I didn’t go all that pain would be for nothing. I had not spent all my life studying to end up at some third tier school. I had been cold and irritable, trying to suppress the memories of the accident and keeping it all together. All of this didn’t exactly make me a hot date.

Then I had met Matt sweet, kind, and willing to put up with my brand of crazy. I think there lay the difference between him and Seth. Matt had tolerated my crazy while Seth seemed to embrace it. Not that it mattered much now.

After finishing my undergrad I started working for  _The Economist_ reporting in D.C. mostly. Then came the break up. It had been painful, though the worst part the looks of fake pity I was getting from everyone. I was suffocating and needed a radical change so I called Whitehall and asked if I could have a job anywhere else in the world. Abu Ghraib had just been uncovered by 60 minutes and Whitehall wanted someone on a similar black site in Afghanistan.

The Salt Pit _*_  was just north of Kabul. It had been the worst experience of my life. Worse than the suicide attempt, worse than anything I had seen since. I think it was because my whole family was and had been in military. I had grown up around these guys. Soldiers, serving their country and now they were… I couldn’t even think about it without crying.

These men gave me their stories. My granddad had been chief among them. He told me stories about dropping into Normandy and being surrounded by Germans. Above all he told me about the men he served with, their bravery and the bond they had built.

Even my mother had served as a nurse in an army hospital, where she met my dad. He had been shot down over Vietnam. He ejected in time, but part of the plane caught him in the back. So they sent him to the hospital to get patched up and make sure he didn’t have any lasting spinal cord injuries.

He had been so desperate to get back to his unit that he had been an absolute pain in the ass to everyone in the hospital. My mother didn’t take any of his shit, and one day after threats of tying him to the bed if tried to get up again he had just kissed her.  Probably just to shut her up.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the front door opening and closing. I wanted to go out there and talk to him but I knew last night’s ‘conversation’ would come up and I hadn’t changed my mind. Maybe it was better this way. I’d slip out tomorrow morning and we just simply would never talk again. Simple fade to black.

The second anyone found out that would be it. All the interviews I would be about our relationship rather than the show. My mother would want to spend hours with me discussing every aspect of our relationship. Paparazzi would hound me for any reaction to whatever Twitter had to say about it. Every one of our actions would be monitored and dissected. It was what I had wanted to escape when I left the first time, and this time there was no escape. I had a show to run and needed to be in New York. No hiding in some foreign war zone this time.

Worst of all I would have to meet his family. From everything I had read and watched on YouTube they were fantastic, sweet and completely supportive of Seth. I didn’t want to be judged by them. They were so nice that they would never say anything to my face, but there would be talk. There always was talk. I desperately would want to impress them, and probably make the bad situation even worse.

So I made the decision to wait until he had gone to bed. Which luckily didn’t take long. A bit of clanking around in the kitchen and what sounded like the pouring of a drink.

The next day I had planned to spend with Charlize, she was on break from doing her new movie and we wanted to catch up and have lunch. I wanted to cancel her so I wouldn’t have to endure the lecture, but if I did she would know why and then come to the house. 

I also wanted to be in a public place so she couldn’t yell at me. To my great surprise all throughout lunch she didn’t bring it up. At first I thought she was just biding her time to find the perfect opportunity, but by the time we were sitting on bench eating ice cream I knew she didn’t know. 

So Seth hadn’t told her. I had been so sure he would have. They shared almost everything. He hadn’t told her… I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be relieved or hurt. On one hand it was great that I didn’t have to endure a lecture, on the other hand was it not important enough to mention? Charlize waving a hand in my face pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Earth to Charlotte. Hello anyone in there?”

“Oh sorry I got lost in thought.” I sat up a little straighter and tried very hard to figure out what she had just been talking about.

“Is something wrong or am I just boring you?”

“No of course not.” I said hastily. She gave me a look that told me that she wasn’t buying my bullshit.

“What did you do to Seth?”

“Why is it always my fault?” I saw her face light up.

“Ha, so I was right.” I put my head in my hands. I did not want to relive last night. “Come on out with it. Tell aunt Charlize about the crazy things you have been doing.” 

She put her arms around me. I looked up and knowing she wouldn’t give up I told her the story. When I was done she sat in silence for a second and then asked.

“You really told him that? That you thought your relationship was a fluke?”

“I said could be. All relationships end in either death or breakup so what’s the issue with hedging my bets?” She rolled her eyes at me.

“Charlotte you don’t get it. Maybe you just haven’t experienced this side of him yet. Probably because he knows how you feel about all the big romantic gesture.” I had made it no secret that I wasn’t the biggest fan of romantic dinners, walks, or whatever else the lovesick kids of the world were doing these days. “He’s a romantic guy. That boy was in love with you the moment he met you, and trust me he’s already planning the rest of your life together.” I felt her words hit me like lighting. She saw my face and quickly added, “don’t freak out.”

“You just told me the guy have been dating for two weeks, most of which we haven’t spent together, is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.”

She turned to face me, a smile forming on her face. “Ok let’s do an experiment. How do you feel when you’re looking at him but not talking?”

“How is this useful?”

“Just do it.” I gave in knowing that she would hound me for the rest of the day if I didn’t.

“I don’t know…” I thought of the day he had been reading Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s proposal for the second season of  _Cosmos_. “He has very interesting micro expressions when he’s looking at something. You can practically see the gears in his head turning.”

“Ok what about when he’s talks about that has him excited?”

I smiled, before I had left he had spent an hour explaining to me how new microphone he had just ordered would change everything. 

“His face lights up like a little boy at Christmas. It radiates off him in waves. He genuinely wants you to feel his excitement, and you do.” When he had finished telling me about the microphone I had been almost as excited as he was.

“What about when you’re excited about something?” I thought back to our night at the sushi restaurant. I had been babbling about foreign aid and its part in the budget. He had sat there and listened. “Engaged like he cares about what I’m saying. I know I go off on tangents and most people just roll their eyes and walk away. He sits there and actively listens asking questions. Not because he wants me to stop, but because he’s genuinely curious.” I looked back up at her.

“Can see yourself spending the next six months dating him?” I could make it till November.

“I guess if we kept it…” She cut me off.

“Think about it from his perspective. Seth’s favorite movie is the  _Sound of Music_. He made an album full of songs about heartbreak. The man is hopeless romantic and you just told him to go to hell. Don’t worry about forever right now. Just focus on the next six months.” I could do that. November wasn’t far and I could always end it. There was nothing really keeping me here. No house no kids, if I had to I could leave. Then the sad truth came crashing down around me.

“He won’t even look at me.” 

“Because he doesn’t want you to keep hurting him.”

“I didn’t try to.” I could see the color draining from his face again, and I could feel my tears rising.

“I know you didn’t, but again empathy. You go talk to him like an adult.” I knew she was right, but actually talking about it…

“If you don’t tell him on your own, I will force you tell him.” I had no idea how she could get two adults to talk who didn’t want to, but I decided not to question her. 

Mercifully, the rest of the afternoon was spent talking about everything else. Later she declared it was time to go shopping. With her it was actually fun, partially because looked amazing in everything she tried on, but also because she wasn’t afraid to keep being herself even with strangers around. There was no pretense. I felt myself relax and actually enjoy it. She was trying on some dress that looked like Picasso’s best wet dream when my phone chimed with an email.

_Charlotte, I got Vanity Fair to put you on their cover. Annie Leibovitz will be doing the shoot Monday in LA, then there is an interview. You should stay there till the end of the week. Don’t worry about costume design you’ll be fine with Annie. - Casey_

* * *

*Do not google Abu Ghraib or the Salt Pit if you don’t have a strong stomach. 

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

I felt all the peace that I had been enjoying over the last couple of hours fade away. A photo shoot? Really? I could already envision all the condescending looks and whispers. I was so lost in my own head that I didn’t hear Charlize coming back from the dressing room.

“You’re right this does look like Picasso’s wet dream.”

“I’m going to be on the cover of  _Vanity Fair_.” I said tonelessly. “The photo-shoot is tomorrow. Here in LA.”

She must have seen my face because she came to sit next to me, and started rubbing my back.

“I have no idea how these work. I am going find out exactly how shit I look and have some hipster fashion asshole judge me for it. I have none of the stuff I need so I can at least try to keep up at work. I don’t even have a place to stay after tonight.” Charlize looked shocked.

“He didn’t kick you out?”

“No, but I feel rude staying.” I had already packed my suitcase, or more accurately had just closed the zipper on the bag I had never unpacked.

“You are not leaving that house. I’ll even go with you to the shoot, and I’ll hit any asshole who even gives you a tiny bit of side eye. As for the work, have your assistant fly it over.”

“I can’t ask her to do that.” I felt horrible already relying on her as much as I did.

“Why not? She gets a free trip to LA. This is what your PA is for.”

“Are you sure? I still feel like I am treating her like a house elf.”

“You’re going to be fine. You might even enjoy the photo-shoot.” I doubted that. The rest of the evening flew bye. We had dinner and watched movies. Then Monday morning came. As promised Charlize picked me up and drove us to the studio, and as I predicted they prodded and poked me. They had cleaned me, ironed out any blemishes with a shit ton of makeup, and then pulled my hair in all sorts direction. They straightened it. Then curled it, and used a shit ton of bobby pins and hairspray to make it all stay exactly how they wanted it. 

Then came the worst part. The clothing. Absolutely nothing fit, they use original design products all tailored to runway models. I could feel both my frustration and the frustration of the room rising, but luckily someone brought out these industrial size clips. Just hold together the back of the outfits together, which didn’t exactly boost my self-esteem. Charlize assured me that no healthy woman fit into those dresses, and the fact that I needed the clips was just proof that I was healthy.

The best part was when Annie came in. She was light and warm. She told me about all the famous people she had photographed over the years. Best of all never made a comment about the industrial size clips. She was so sure of herself that it allowed me to relax and just smile into the camera. She said the photos had come out beautifully and that she would send me copies in the next couple of days.

Lucy met us outside and reassured me that she was happy to be in LA. She added that work was going to be fine. She had everything organized just the way I liked it. She really was a God send. Then Charlize drove me Seth’s house. Something I only realized when she pulled into his street.

“Charlize no… I thought we were going back to yours.” She shrugged.

“Why would we? You live here. It’ll be fun, we’ll use the pool and then Lucy can bring us dinner from that Thai place you like.” I did loved that Thai place… “Come on you have to have a bathing suit with you.“

I wanted to lie but there was no use. If I said no, she would just have Lucy go buy one.

“Yes… it has pictures of famous D.C. monuments.” This might actually be fun. I could swim a few laps, and maybe use the hot tub. When I got back to my room I made sure not to avoid any mirrors. I didn’t need any more mockery today. When I came back down from changing Charlize whistled.

“I didn’t think anyone could make make houses of power look hot. I need to take a picture of you. For posterity, and so I can embarrass you when you eventually win the Pulitzer.”

“Thank you, and no you can’t.”

“Come on you owe me for the photo-shoot today.” I rolled my eyes and walked past her and out to the pool. She came up behind me and whispered. “And who knows a copy of this might just end up on someone’s phone.” I know this was just her trying to rev me up so I ignored her, but part of me did wonder what his reaction would be.

“Fine, what do you want me to do?”

“Just go and stand in the hot tub, and look pensively out to the ocean” While none of it made any sense to me I did it anyway. She snapped a couple of pictures when she was done she handed me the camera, but I shook my head. My self-esteem could not take another beating today. 

In London, I had gotten used to going to swimming for at least an hour every morning. It was something my therapist had suggested and over time I had come to really enjoy it. So I got out of the hot tub and jumped into the pool. I could feel the tension leaving my body as I started to do laps. It was like being in another world. One where you’re problems felt small and far away, but in the end everyone has to come up for air. 

As I did I saw Seth opening the door to the deck. He looked tired, and not his usual I-worked-hard-all-day-and-now-I’m-tired, but in the FCC-came-to-my-office-today-and-harangued-me-for-an-hour-and-then-I-had-to-take-it-up-the-ass-from-the-network-heads tired. He saw me and I could see the last little bit of color leave his face. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain so I quickly said 

“I can leave if you…”

“No it’s fine I got work to do.” He sounded defeated. So they were behind schedule. Probably even more than usual, which meant he was going to spend all night trying to make sure everything was done right and on time.

Charlize got up and chimed in “Lucy is bringing dinner in a second and we’ll eat together.” He nodded and I was secretly glad.

“That means I have to change.” I gestured to the towels. “Could you hand me one of those. I wouldn’t want to drip all over the Pad Thai.” I climbed out of the pool via the ladder and heard Charlize’s camera click.

“Really? Maybe you and Annie should trade jobs.” She just chuckled and gave Seth a wink. I rolled my eyes. I would never understand her, but maybe it was better that way.

Once I was dry and upstairs I looked through the suitcase I had brought. I smiled sadly down at those clothes. I had packed them with the full intention of having a relaxing weekend full of good food, lots of laughter. Long evenings of sitting just listening to him play the piano, and maybe just a tiny bit of making out. I couldn’t face picking any of the outfits. So I just put on my old Harvard travel hoodie and went to go back downstairs. 

As I walked out of the bathroom, I saw Lucy in the kitchen holding our food. Wearing light blue cut off shorts and just a dark blue bikini top. She looked fantastic, and I wasn’t the only one who had noticed. Seth was smiling at her. His lips quirked the same way when we had first met. Every disapproving side-glance and clothespin came rushing back to me. 

I felt ridiculous in hoodie, like an ugly duckling next to the swan in the kitchen. This was different than Amber, Lucy was actually holding his attention. He seemed interested and not in the fake Hollywood way. Lucy was definitely prettier and without any of the baggage. I was just something that had been broken and crazy glued back together one to many times. Each time a little less whole. I took the food from her and started setting up the table. Though I was turned the other way. I didn’t miss Seth’s eyes lingering on Lucy as she was walking out the door.


	22. Chapter 22

Charlize watched Charlotte disappear around the corner. Probably to dry her tears and not the chopsticks she said she was getting. The second Charlize was sure Charlotte couldn’t hear her she rounded on Seth.

“Dude seriously?” He had the gall to look surprised.  

“What?” Charlize wasn’t sure when Charlotte would get back from the bathroom, and she wanted this scolding to go unnoticed. So she pulled Seth onto the deck.

“You did it on purpose, you wanted to hurt her.” Now he looked confused and angry. He hadn’t seen Charlotte’s face crumble when she saw Lucy talking to Seth. How she had folded in on herself when he watched Lucy walk out the door.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked quietly obviously knowing exactly what Charlize was talking about.

“Come on you made a show out of it. What were the eyes on Lucy’s ass? The cherry on top.” 

Charlize could see him start to protest so she cut him of. “Don’t lie to me. You did it to hurt her. You did it because she hurt you, and you wanted to hurt her a little. To feel a bit of your pain. The difference is that you meant to hurt her. She didn’t mean to hurt you. She was just telling you where she was at. Why do you think she’s still here?”

“She has an interview.” He said plainly and Charlize rolled her eyes. For such a smart guy he was incredibly dense some time. Not that Charlotte made it easy.

“Oh I know why she’s in LA. Why is she here in this house? She could have any hotel room in the city, but she’s here with your sorry ass. Do you think she likes it? Likes not talking to you? In her very fucked up way she’s trying, and you do this to her?”  

He gave her a look that told her that he wasn’t buying it.

“No, you better apologize to her.” She felt like a kindergarten teacher, trying to get two kids who had thrown crayons at each other to kiss and makeup.  

“Why the fuck should I apologize? She is the one who keeps running off.”

“Have you ever asked yourself why she might be running? If you haven’t noticed she didn’t exactly have a charmed childhood. The last ten years couldn’t have been a dream either. Now she has been ripped out her environment, running a TV show. You know how hard that is. Think back to when you started out. How much pressure that was. She is trying so hard to be perfect and to make everything perfect. Her world is spinning and you’re just cranking up the speed. I get you’re hurt. I know how are.”

He threw up his hands giving her an exasperated look.

“Come on Seth. You saw her and fell hard. You fall hard and fast, and it hasn’t always turned out the way you want it to.” He snorted

“My point is that Charlotte isn’t like that. She is a lot more… guarded. She let you into her life, which couldn’t have been easy. She is here. She fucked up, but you have to remember it was 2 in the morning. After flying all the way to LA from New York, just for you. I get she scared you with what she said. You are afraid that she’ll be another Emilia.”

Seth surprised Charlize by shushing her and moving her further along the deck.

“What?” A guilty look crossed his face.

“They are friends… Charlotte and Emilia. They have been for years.”  Charlize groaned. Her role as kindergarten teacher just got a lot more complicated.

“And you haven’t told her?

“I meant to but…” Charlize rolled her eyes.

“You are scared. You’re scared that she’ll find out and leave. Maybe out of solidarity, maybe because she doesn’t want to be compared.” 

If their conversation in the bar had been any indication. Charlotte wasn’t the most self confident girl. The desperate look on her face when she had asked if Charlize and Seth had ever… The worst part was that Charlotte would feel guilty for resenting her best friend. It didn’t help that Emelia wasn’t exactly ugly. Seth was going to have to tell her.

“Emilia broke up with me.” That hadn’t been pretty. Emelia hadn’t been ready to commit.. She had seen the ring and freaked out.

“That’s not the point. Emilia was a huge part of your life. The only time I have seen you that happy is when you’re with our girl back there. Emilia is a huge part of Charlotte’s life and you’re going to tell her.”

“What does it matter now? Charlotte is going back to New York at the end of the week and…” He didn’t have to complete that sentence, the sadness in his eyes did it for him.

“You’re really going to let her go? Just like that?”

“If that’s what she wants.” He groaned and closed his eyes. Charlize could tell how much all of this was weighing on him. Then he said in a small almost defeated voice “I love her alright. I know it’s too early. I know it’s been barely six months but… “

Charlize raised an eyebrow “You fall hard fast?

“I need to get out now if she’s going to keep doing this. Before it gets any worse.” Charlize pulled him into a hug. She understood, he had been hurt too much. Too many times had he been told it was just another fling. That all was fair in love and war.

“There is a reason she is here. She just needs practice at the whole dating thing.”

“What about Rachel? I told her about Charlotte and she still wants to meet her.” Charlize rolled her eyes.

“Just tell her that you were an idiot. She’ll buy that.”

“Thanks. You really think that this is worth it?” He needed know that this wasn’t going to end with him looking for happiness at the bottom of a bottle of jack.  

“Yes. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think you two didn’t have an honest to God shot. Just go slow with her. Focus on the next six months not forever. She is going to need you when the show starts really gathering steam.”  

“Ok.” He took a deep breath.

“Hey, I have something for you.” Charlize picked up her phone and gave Seth a sly smile. “Check your phone.” He pulled out his phone and stared at the screen looking confused.

“Thats a picture of me.”

“That’s a picture of you watching Charlotte climb out of the pool. The second set is a little photoshoot we did before you got there. Enjoy.” She gave him a quick wink and walked back into the kitchen smiling to herself.


	23. Chapter 23

“Hey.” 

I looked up from my interview notes. I knew they were going to toss me a lot of easy questions, but who knew? In an age where Teen Vogue is at the forefront of educating people about difference, anything is possible.

He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms cross. Attempting and failing to look causal.

I really didn’t want to talk, but it was either this or starting at my notes while my brain puts Lucy’s exit on a loop. So I took the lesser of two. Closing my notes and I said.

“I’m sorry I just… I shouldn’t have said the way I did, which doesn’t mean…. I don’t mean the essence of it.” I saw he little smile that had been playing around his lips disappear, and his arms arms tighten. As if he was trying to protect himself from me. “Sorry that came out wrong again. I’m not very good at this…”

“I noticed.” He said a dry laugh escaping his lips. I noded

“I deserve that.” I didn’t really know how to start something like this. How do you tell someone that… I didn’t even know what. That I liked looking at his face? That being in this house had become my happy place when I was overly stressed at work. That when he was kissing me, the rest of the world melted away. How do you tell someone something like that?

He sat down next to me. 

“Let’s start slow. How were the first two weeks of work?”

“I am not sure how I’m still standing.”

I quickly added. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I just…” I looked down at my wringing hands. “It is so much work. Not even the content. I know all of that, but… everything around that. I know nothing about editing, or management. I am lucky that they all get along because, I have no idea how to play Solomon. How much is too much…? Now these minisodes.” I let out a huff of breath.

“Minisodes?”

“Casey wants me to do 10 minute segments on current events, like voter fraud and…”

“That sounds great.” He actually looked excited. 

“It is a great idea but… we have so much work to do. Casey wants these to start rolling out in November… and I honestly don’t know if I can. Every day I think about quitting. I feel so ungrateful, because they are taking a chance on me.”

The exhaustion of the last week crash over me, and I started to cry. Without a word Seth pulled me to his chest, and started to rub my back. My heart slowed and the crushing sense of exhaustion lessened a bit.

“You’re going to be fine.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, sobs still breaking out of my chest in waves.

“Because you’re Wonder Woman, and Wonder Woman can do anything. I get the stress your under. The first couple of years I lived in constant fear of…”

“Cancelation?” He let out a small laugh.  

“That too, but more that people would start to hate me. That my staff would fall apart, and I would be stuck doing this alone.”  

“No wonder you do most of the voices.”

“Well that has many reasons.”

“Perfectionist much?” He chuckled. It reverberated in his chest, and through me and it gave me comfort. Something to hold onto. That this right here, was real.

“Takes one to know one.”

“Yeah, I keep having nightmares about the show going up in flames.”

Sometimes it was my fault. Like the one where I get something completely wrong. Everyone disavows me, and the show is driven off the air. Then there were ones where our ratings are just not good enough. Or every person I had ever held in any esteem calls me, to tell me that I had made was the worst piece of TV they had ever seen.

“Then you’ll get a fire extinguisher and save it.”

“Thanks Steve.”

“Steve?”

“I googled it. Steve Trevor is one of Wonder Woman’s sidekicks.”

“Happy to be Steve.” We stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. I synced my breathing with his, and just as I thought he had fallen asleep, he said.

“So I was talking to Charlize.”

“That is always a sign of trouble.” I did love her, but there were times…   

“She said we should…”

“Work on just the next six months? She told me the same thing.” I knew she was going to do something like that. My best guess was that she had done it while I was in the bathroom.

“So we reevaluate in November? Before or after the premiere of the minisodes?” He smiled down at me. This felt more like planning for a garden party than a relationship checkpoint. To be fair, I didn’t know many couples with relationship checkpoints.

“After. I can’t deal with all of that at once. You might have to sedate me.” 

“I’ll be ready with the syringe.” I gave him a crooked smile. 

Six months. 

I could do six months, right? Six months weren’t that long. Not having to spend weekends in an empty hotel room by myself would be a nice plus.

“Ok six months. I can do that. I think we should set perimeters.” I took a deep breath. I wanted this. Him, but could I do this? Could we make it six months?

“What kind?”

“Who were going to tell. Not the entire world. I can not deal with that on top of everything. I get you’re close to your family. I love that. It shows you were raised right.”

“What does that say about you?”

“That a golden cage can be as bad as an iron one.” I quickly went on. My upbringing was not something Seth needed to know about right now. “What I mean is, that I get it. How about you tell them I exist, but that I am not ready. Honesty is always good. I also don’t want them to think I am a bitch.” 

That would sour the mood, and as much as people say they’re open minded. Everyone knows that first impressions are king.  

“They won’t think that.”

“You’d be surprised what people think of me.” Despite appearances, I wasn’t the girl you brought home to your parents.

A rueful smile playing around his lips. “Oh I can imagine, but my family will love you.”

“Why?”

“Because…” He stopped and changed course. “You’re an amazing person and you make me happy. Who are you telling? Izzy?”

“I… no I don’t think we are friends anymore.” I hadn’t really thought about that phone call since it happened.

“What happened?” A fresh wave of tears overcame me, and Seth hugged me closer to his chest, and started rubbing my back again. This time in smooth, and from what I could tell perfect circles.

“I fucked it up. I got so focused on the show that I forgot to tell her…. I wasn’t coming back, and I just didn’t think that she would have to pay rent. She is a cop not….”

“The heir to a multi-billion dollar fortune?” I let out a mirthless chuckle. “Give her some time.”   
“Ok… I don’t really have anyone else to tell.” I shrugged. “Wait, I should text Em. She is going to get a kick out of this.” I saw a dark shadow cross Seth’s features.

“What don’t I know?”

“Nothing, I have only met her in passing. What about Charlize? Or your parents?” I pulled out my phone, and sent Em a quick text.  _Guess who is dating? If you put your money on your best friend, then this one time you would be correct._ I sent it, adding the picture of Seth and I giggling by the pool. I couldn’t wait for her response.

“Knowing Charlize, she already knows. My mother will bring in the armed forces if she finds out I’m dating. Trust me you don’t want that.” I smiled as I imaged my mother’s reaction. Those were the only times she was really proud of me. Not that she said anything, but you could feel it.

“What’s wrong with the armed forces?” I laughed.

“I mean the actual armed forces. We are a military family. My granddad dropped into Normandy on D-Day. Both my dad and uncle were fighter jet pilots in Vietnam. Even my mother was an army nurse. That’s how she met my dad.” I could see the horror grow in his eyes.

“Since when do people with your…”

“Money? You have to remember that my dad married rich. That part of my family worked most of their lives at production plant in New Jersey.”  

“And your afraid of meeting my family?”

“I knew I could get you to come around my way of thinking.” I looked at the time, and started to get up, but Seth pulled me back down into his lap.

“Hey,” he said quietly, smiling.

“Hey.” I replied just as quietly and grinning.

After a small pause, he kissed me. 


	24. Chapter 24

The kiss was amazing. Better than I remembered. This one was slow and sweet, our mouths catching up after weeks apart. It ended up with me sitting on his lap, my head on his chest.

After a little while, he asked. “You know you sing when you sleep?”

“I can’t control it.” I took a second and realized. “How do you know?”

He went a little red. “I… um… do you remember that night when I came home… and you were already asleep?” This was getting weirder by the second.

“You watched me sleep?”

“I heard you singing through the door, and I thought you were awake, but you weren't…” At least he hadn’t been the Edward to my Bella. “I didn’t know you were a fan of Phantom of Opera or musicals.” He was grinning because he thought he had found something we had in common. He wasn’t wrong, but there was no need to drag that horrid musical into this.  

“I am not…” I said quietly.  

“Then why…?” This was worse than my therapist. I couldn’t pay Seth $200 to stick around, once he found out how truly fucked up I was.

“I can’t control it. I am asleep you see.”

“But you have to have picked it up…” I sat up, put my hands on his chest, and looked directly into his eyes.  

“Stop.” He must have heard the crack in my voice.

“Charlotte I am sorry.”  He snaked his arms around my back, and pulled me back into his chest.

“It’s not you, it’s me. Look we just got our last…” I had no idea what to call it.  

“Fight?” He offered. That didn’t seem to cover it though. It had been more than that, but it was probably better not to define it.

“I just…” I got off his lap and started to pace. He gave me an irritatingly questioning look. I stopped and faced him, throwing my arms into the air.

“What? What do you want from me?” My voice went from hard to trembling in a matter of words. “I told you. I am not good at this. I can’t be the doting girlfriend. I did that. I was…” I took a deep breath. Better tell him everything now. Who cared? It would end with me draining a bottle of Vat 69, on the floor of my bathroom either way. “I was going to marry Matt. We hadn’t announced yet, but he had asked and… I said yes.” Seth eyes went wide.

“Then he cheated on you?” I let out a chuckle.

“No… he was already cheating on me.” Seth gave me a look that told me he didn’t give a shit about the semantics.

“I get it, he wanted his movie green lit and…”

“What?” It was nice that I could still surprise him. Even if it meant revealing past mistakes.

“Matt wanted his movie green lit, and he…”

“He is a movie producer?” I hadn’t realized till that moment, that they might know each other. They were in such different places in my head. They had met at the hospital, but Seth hadn’t put two and two together back then. Not that I blamed him. The Matt Schwarz behind the cameras was very different from the Matt Schwarz in front of the cameras.

“Yeah, he’s Matt Schwarz.”

“The guy from Master of Overkill?” 

I hated that movie. It had all been for him to spend six months shooting some girl’s ass in slow motion, and daring to call it art.  

“Yeah.”

“He made that piece of shit?” Seth looked close to laughter.

“I am happy you feel that way.” The movie had done ok at the box office, but panned by every movie critic around. It had garnered this weird cult following though. Who, from what I could tell, were all the type of men who complained that they were always in the “friend zone”.  

“That movie is horrible. I mean… my God. I was always confused why the studio even green lit it.”

“It helps when your sleeping with the studio exec’s daughter.“ Seth looked confused. A look I would get a lot from him, the more I told him about myself. I explained. “He got his movie green lit, and then he leaked it to the press that he had been sleeping around on me. That’s how I found out. Saw it on the news. I guess he wanted to raise his ‘player’ status, and not having to marry me is a plus.”

“That fucker.“ The amount of hate for Matt in Seth’s words was both charming, and just a tiny bit hot. I cracked a smiled.

I shrugged. “I get it. That’s what this game is about, the next level.”

He got up and strode over to me, taking my face in his hands. “He has no idea what he let go. I would never embarrass you in public like that. I can’t promise that I won’t embarrassed you in private, but it will probably be with my expansive  _Star Trek_  knowledge.” I laughed. It felt good. He was still here.

He put his hands around my waist, and I put my head on his shoulder.

“His loss is our gain, and if you want me to I’ll egg his house tomorrow.” I burst out laughing, and looked up at him. He was grinning, but I didn’t doubt for a second that he could apply his artistic skills to eggs. 

“You want to egg his house?”

“I know he’s pitching a movie at FOX soon. I could…”

“No.” Both of us were taken aback by my harsh tone.  

“Why not?”

“Because… it’s not fair.”

“His movies are shit.”

“People go see them.”

“I don’t know why.”

“Because whiny little boy with his first mustache gets hard seeing heroes in movies sexually assault women, and them not minding. He gets to see bad car chases, and a lot of leering ass shots. It makes them feel like men.” 

Seth kissed my forehead and asked.“Are you sure? I can just put in a call.” 

I smiled and kissed him hard. Seth had no idea how much this meant to me. Someone in my corner, without an agenda, just looking out for me. Matt didn’t matter now. All that bullshit didn’t matter. Seth was here. His mouth leaving mine to trail down my neck. Finding that bundle of nerves right below my pulse point. Sucking on it mercilessly. I moaned, and he chucked to himself.  

“What?“ 

"I missed your moan. I missed you.” His hand sliding down my back to cup my ass. “Every part of you.”  

I ran my hands through his hair, as his other hand fiddled with the hem of my jeans. As much as I wanted to this kiss to keep going in the direction it was going. I needed him to understand. Reluctantly I pulled away.  

“I never ever want you to use your power to help me. Please. It makes me feel… dirty, and not in the good way. I know enough about this town to know that it never ends well.”

“Ok, but I get to egg his house.” I kissed him again still smiling.

“You and Charlize can ride over on your bikes tomorrow, and egg his house.”

“Does she know about this?” I chuckled.

“Why the hell would I tell her? She would go find him, and cut off his dick with a rusty steak knife. I don’t need that on my conscience.”


	25. Chapter 25

We spent the next day in bed. At some point I fell asleep, and was woken up by soft piano music. I got up, found my underwear, and wrapped Seth’s blanket around me.  

Some decency had to be maintained. I found him in the music room, and leaned against the doorframe. I closed my eyes and just listened. I didn’t even notice that he had stopped playing until he spoke.

“How long have you been standing there?” I grinned, and moved to stand beside him at the piano.  

“Long enough to know that you have been holding out on me.” I had spent too much of my life sitting in front of one myself to not notice talent when I saw it. He raised his eyebrows. “You got skills, my friend. I am guessing you have the basic Für Elise down?” He played the first couple of bars. “How about something a little harder?” He played, and my eyes went wide. “Tchaikovsky’s [Sweet Reverie](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DXmT07HIzkRU%26feature%3Dyoutu.be&t=YWU5N2IyNzgyZjc1ZmY4ZDk2NTRmMDc5M2FmMzA3OTk2NGUyMGYwMSxtV2s0M2loUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161058813097%2Fchapter-25-an-holy-shit-chapter-25-so-this-is&m=1).” He smirked up at me. This boy had game. “Basic but why aren’t you a concert pianist? I mean you get to play the tortured artist and you get say pianist all the time.” He cracked a smile.

“I liked animation better and RISD was expensive.”

“Damn those liberal arts schools.”

 

“Yeah remind me again what you studied?”

“Political SCIENCE, my friend. I got science on my side. All you got is a little pencil, and a knack for making the cutest faces when do voices.”  A perplexed look emerged on his face.

“Really?”

“Have you ever watched yourself do voices? Because it is adorable and hilarious.”

“Happy to entertain.” I realized how warm and happy I felt, but the conversation from last night was still weighing on me. If I had been more honest with Matt maybe he wouldn’t have… 

I pushed those thoughts aside, and took a deep breath, but before I could tell tell him anything he asked, 

“What about you? Do you have game?” I blushed. 

“A bit.” I hadn’t played piano in over a decade. I was the definition of rusty. I had wanted to desperately play. Even thought about putting a piano in Iz and I’s apartment, but I couldn’t do it. 

I had visited Yamaha in London, staying for hours on end. The shop keepers had been nice enough to let me stay and sit at the pianos. Yet every time I sat down, my hands and feet would turn to led. 

I couldn’t get myself to put my hands on the keys, or my my feet on the pedals. I just sat there. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I just stared at the keys trying to will myself to put my hands on the keys. It never worked. 

This felt like the ultimate punishment. I loved to play. More than singing, piano had been the ultimate outlet for me. Something that was mine, that I was naturally good at. Something that didn’t require constant lecturing and screaming. 

I could sit on that wooden bench for hours and just play. Let everything out. All the frustration and the pain. It all went through my fingers into the piano. I always felt better afterwards, until I couldn’t play anymore. After months, my hands had finally healed from the accident, and I rushed to the piano, I just sat there. Not able to move. 

I had loved that piano, until I had smashed it. I had been home on spring break, and had gotten drunk. In a fit of rage I took an old sledgehammer to the only physical reminder of those ten years. Reducing the black and white keys to rubble. The reverberations of the snapping strings. Hundred year old mahogany splintering under my force. The piano itself was nothing special. Replacing it wasn’t be a problem. It felt good. Breaking it had been such a relief. 

“Show me.”  

“No…” I couldn’t do it. I knew I couldn’t, but Seth was giving me that smile. Egging me on, but not judging if I couldn’t do it.

“Come on I showed me you mine.” The next words just flew out of my mouth, without checking with my brain if they were ok.

“I just don’t want you to be embarrassed.” What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t do this. I had tried everything over the last ten years. Now I was going to embarrass myself even further. 

“You said I got game.”

“Oh no you have game I’m just better.” Fuck. 

“Prove it.” I gave him a smirk and sat down next to him.

To gain a little time I said “I need the whole bench.” He stood up and gave me a small sarcastic bow. I cracked my knuckles and my ankles. Stretched my fingers praying that a little blood would stop them from turning into led. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I realized at that moment that I had never been happier anywhere else. Not when I got the letter that I had passed my dissertation. Not when I had seen my friends reunite with their families after particularly hard assignments. 

I was happiest here. I looked down and saw my hands were touching the still warm keys. The left over warmth from Seth’s fingers somehow got my hands to move. To lightly press down on and produce a sound. That first note was like shock through my body. I could feel every reverberation of the small felt hammer hitting the string. I smiled a little, and tentatively played a scale. 

The keys just did as they were told, it was like greeting an old friend.  

“Is that all you got.” I knew he was raising my competitive hackles on purpose, but I didn’t mind. I had to stay at this piano. I needed to something to get my gears working. To just focus on the music and not the pain that this caused. I needed something that would help me keep my seat.

I thought back to the nights I used to spend at the piano, trying to figure it out. Some kids snuck out to parties I snuck out to the piano to try and crack a piece. To finally get all the notes, the tempo, and movements right. Without realizing it my hands started to move again. My brain working hard to remember the notes that I had memorized so long ago. 

I heard Seth chuckle and say “Now that’s game.” I opened my eyes. “Didn’t figure you for a Chopin girl.” 

Thinking of Matt I said “It’s probably the cold, vain, sadistic side that attracts me, and I do like a challenge. He has this way of writing hauntingly beautiful music and making it fucking hard to play.” 

There was a heavy pause. I took another deep breath, and told him everything.

“Singing was my thing…” He looked up from shuffling his sheet music. “My grandmother taught me. I have always been good at piano, it came naturally to me. But that’s not what grandma wanted. She wanted a star. She used to say that that singers were the stars, and Arden women were stars, not background noise.” The offended look on Seth’s face made me smile. “Yeah it wasn’t flashy enough for her. Where I come from everyone needs a thing. You need something to put on your Cotillion card. Boys usually do some sort of sport.”

I stopped. Took another deep breath, and let it all out. “I am too clumsy to be a dancer, I can’t draw for shit, and I have almost no hand-eye coordination so most instruments were out. Piano came on accident. I went to see the New York Philharmonic. They were putting on a celebration of classical music, and there was this guy. He played… I can’t even remember what it was. All I know is that I was crying at the end. Since my family is a great supporter of the arts, I got to meet him. It turned out he was blind. I was seven so I had no problem asking him how he could play. He told me that he learned the notes first. Memorize the sheet music and then just play. While my memory is generally shit, it somehow seems to work for sheet music. So that’s how I do it.”

I could feel myself starting to cry, so Seth sat back down down wrapping his arms around me. I hoped his body heat would calm me. The same way it had done at the fundraiser. When my breathing calmed. I continued the story. He needed to know all of it. He was going to meet her someday, and it was better to be prepared.

“Have you seen Whiplash? He just nodded probably trying to not break my rhythm.

“J.K. Simmons is my grandmother.” I let out a small breath of laughter. “My grandmother acted like J.K. Simmons’ character. The pushing, the yelling, the insults. I used to have to sing till my throat was raw.” I looked up into his face, and was surprised to see horror painted there.

“You’re shitting me?”

“That[ not quite my tempo scene](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxDAsABdkWSc&t=NWY4NWRhZDc4MWYxYzlmYTlkMDNiNzlkN2ZhOGRlMzgzMGZkMzliZixtV2s0M2loUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161058813097%2Fchapter-25-an-holy-shit-chapter-25-so-this-is&m=1)? 10 years of my life. The only reason it stopped was because I ended up in the hospital.”

“I guess you can’t sing so well when you have been hit by a car.” I chuckled at the unmistakable sarcasm in his voice.

“No, the second time. It looks bad if you force your granddaughter, who just tried to commit suicide, to sing.”

He turned to face me fully. Cradling my hands in his. “How isn’t she in jail? That’s abuse. Charlotte seriously. Why didn’t your mother say anything?” 

This time I outright laughed. It was heartbreakingly funny to see him try to understand the world I came from. Maybe I should just bring him home, to show him.

“She wasn’t there. You think you can claw your way up the corporate ladder in Hollywood and raise a kid? Even if she had been there.” 

I repeated the words that both of these women had ingrained in me. Words that still rang true for me. “Arden women are about excellence. Mezzo-sopranos aren’t excellent, they are… common.”

“Idina Menzel is a mezzo-sopranos.” I laughed and kissed him.  

“I love that you know that, but it didn’t matter. She wanted Christine not Elphaba. I sing in my sleep when I am stressed, sometimes even when I am awake. It helps calm me a little. It’s a reaction. I can’t control it. Most of the time I don’t even know I’m doing it. It took years of therapy for me to start liking music again. I even started liking musical theater again. I was always more of an Eponine and then a Cossette anyway.”

“Charlotte.” He warned, and I smiled at him.

“I am happy for it. Cossette is an empty shirt. She is a girl to be protected by her father, and something pretty for Marius to look at. Eponine, besotted as she is, still has a personality.”

“So how good are you?” He asked, his eyes twinkling.  

“I can hit a note. She wanted… it doesn’t matter. I can hit note.” He gave me a sad smile, and kissed me. No words of judgment. No running away. No, “I don’t want to hear about this”. It felt like a boulder had lifted off my soul. I felt a little more like myself now.

“It’s time for bed.”

“What the fuck? We were having a moment.” Since when was Seth the guy to break moments?

“Moments over, we are going to bed.” He stood up and started leading me back to the bedroom.

“You look dead tired, even though we didn’t do much today, and you are being interviewed tomorrow.” I had totally forgotten about the interview. I started to panic.

“Could you help me prepare?”

“Why? They are going to ask you what your favorite fruit is.”

“Apple? No pear…  you see.” He saw the genuine fear rising in my chest, and conceded.

“Alright tomorrow morning.” He started humming.

“What are you doing?”

“Just get in here.” I did, and he started to spoon me, and kept humming. I quickly realized that it was Brahms’ “[Lullaby](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DHX3tlpWkB5E&t=MDQ4ZGI3MTY5ZjMxNzRmMWZkM2RkMDVhNDM5YjMzMDEzODNhOWE4NSxtV2s0M2loUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161058813097%2Fchapter-25-an-holy-shit-chapter-25-so-this-is&m=1)”.

“Oh. I get it a lullaby. I forgot I am five. You gonna make me hot chocolate too?” I said acidly.

“Do you want hot chocolate?” The earnestness in his voice made me realize how horrible I was being.

“Yes, and I am sorry. I’m…

“Being a bit of a bitch?” He asked with a hint of laughter in his voice.

“I’m sorry. It’s…” He didn’t need for me to finish that sentence. My sarcastic meanness wasn’t exactly new to him.

He kissed my shoulder and said quietly. “You’re cute so I forgive you.”

“That’s your logic?”

“Deal with it.” He resumed humming, and I closed my eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

The interview went well. 

I was a bit awkward, but that was to be expected. Seth had been right, it really had just been easy questions. Things like, why did you start the show? Because HBO asked me to. Are you excited? Yes. What can fans expect? I have fans?

“All packed?” Seth asked as I triple checked if I had my passport. I have to carry it everywhere because I don’t have a driver’s license. I just couldn’t get behind that steering wheel.

“You know it.” We were standing on in the small lounge of the private airport just outside the city. The sun was just rising on this fine Monday morning, but we didn’t spare it a second thought.

He looked me up and down and chuckled.

“I see we are back in mom clothing.” I may no longer work for The Economist but that didn’t mean I don’t wear the free t-shirt.

“I’m not flying in my work outfit.” A wonderful cream concoction my mother had bought me last year. My mother had always been in control of my closet. Something that didn’t change when I moved out and halfway around the world. Even when I had started working my mother had bought me a closet worth of work outfits. She had unilaterally decided that I wasn’t up to the job of stocking my own closet, but I didn’t mind. It wasn’t worth fighting with her about. At least not a lot.

I zipped up my suitcase and straightened up only to have Seth’s arms wrap around me and put his face in the crook of my neck.

“Call me when you get there?” he murmured in my skin.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes Mom.” He spun me around and kissed me.

“We need communicate better.” He had that look in his eye. The look that he didn’t want to argue about this and for once I listened.

“Alright, but don’t be surprised if you have to push a little. Sometimes I get into the zone and I just don’t hear it.” By which I meant I used to take the battery out of my phone so it would stop ringing. Now I just put it on airplane mode and shoved it into my desk. Once when my mother had been trying to get me to go to some wretched art gallery opening I had thrown my phone in the freezer just to avoid the buzzing.  

A small smile stole across his face, and kissed the top of my head. “Just call me ok?”

“Because you’re old and hate text messaging?” Now it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“I like hearing your voice.” I gave a sarcastic giggle, and put my head on his chest. I took a deep breath. For the first time in my life I didn’t want to move. My life was just constant motion. Always chasing the next big high. This was different. I could stand here forever just listening to his heartbeat. As to not break the moment he whispered. “Enjoy the private jet.”

“Oh I will.” HBO had been kind enough to let me use it to come back to work this early. “The Economist never shelled out for anything but economy, which was fair.”

“And you are too proud to use your family’s fleet of…” I heaved an exasperated sigh.  

“It isn’t a fleet. It’s just three that’s not a fleet.”

“It’s still three private planes.”

“And a helicopter, but that doesn’t matter.” I looked at him and saw him smile. Not that big tv smile but a small content one. I knew how ever hard this week was going to be that smile would keep me at least a little sane.

“It’s nice to know you aren’t dating me for my money. If anything I am the gold digger.” I laughed and kissed him again.  

“You’d be a great gold digger. I mean you are the one who lured me into this relationship, and quite frankly I am out of your league.”  

At that moment I saw Lucy striding over. All happy and bouncy, like she didn’t have a care in the world. As she approached she threw Seth a radiant smile and I could feel jealousy raking through my chest.

I felt a small tap on my shoulder and saw Charlize bags packed standing behind me. I hugged her and when I met her gaze I knew she knew what emotions were running through my head. Luckily Lucy was pulling out a sheet of paper with a neatly typed up schedule and handing it to me.

“Here is your printed itinerary for the week, and your calendar has been updated. Mr. Bloy called and said he wanted to talk to you as soon as possible.”

“Thank you Lucy. Enjoy your week off.”

After realizing she wanted to spend more time with her friends in LA she had asked for a week off. I had given it to her because she deserved it. I self aware enough to know that working for me must not be a picnic. I knew that a small part of me had given it to her because I couldn’t be around her right now. It wasn’t her fault but every time I saw her my mind replayed that afternoon in Seth’s kitchen.

I had to limit most of our contact to email because I just couldn’t stand it. That two minute interaction in the kitchen was on a constant loop in the back of my mind. A never ending reel of her laughter, his smile, her ass, his interest.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a cheek kiss from Seth, probably sensing the tension going on inside me but misinterpreting it as work stress. I kissed him back and picked up my suitcase.

I made to leave but he pulled me back into a hug. “Can I come over next weekend?”

I played with the top button of his collared shirt. “I’ll have to check my calendar.”

“I’ll make it worth your while.”  He bent his head and kissed me fully pulling me closer into him. I let my suitcase fall and wrapped my hands around his neck. When his hands migrated from my waist to my ass Charlize interjected.

“You two disgust me.”

I shrugged. “It just means he’ll bring chinese food and doritos.”

“There are days where I can’t tell if you two are a couple or just two girls having their first sleepover.”

It’s a mixture of both really.” I turned to Seth and said “Bye” gave him a quick peck. I picked up my bag and got on the plane. Unfortunately I looked back one more time to see that Lucy was still standing there smiling. There went my sanity for the week. I pushed all of that out of my mind. This was about work. I wasn’t going to get distracted by all of this. I put on a smile and turned to Charlize.

“You want to know what the best part of my job is?” I picked up the cabin phone. “Captain, Let’s hit the skies.” When we had gotten comfortable, and had our complimentary champagne Charlize asked.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” We both knew she wasn’t going to leave it at that. The knowing look she had given me when she arrived had taken care of that.

“I saw the way you looked at Lucy. There’s something there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I didn’t want to talk about this. It was bad enough that I had these thoughts. I did not put my misery on anyone else.  

“Don’t lie to me Charlotte, because you aren’t good at it. As much as you try to suppress your emotions they are always written right on your face. You were lucky that Seth was looking somewhere else, because it was obvious.” There was no point in arguing with her.

“Fine I’m experiencing some jealousy.” She gave me a doubtful look. “Ok a lot of jealousy. I know it’s wrong. I know there is nothing there. I know wanting to throw her off the Brooklyn Bridge is wrong. I know that thinking this way is giving into every stereotype about women “fighting” over guys.”

She reached for my hands and gave them a squeeze. “That doesn’t invalidate your feelings.”

“I can’t do anything about it. I feel bad enough that I have been cold to her.”  

“That’s ok, just remember that it’s not her fault.” Then Charlize launched into a story about training and eating a lot of chicken. She had this wonderful ability to change the topic and totally take my mind of anything else.

Hours later I walked into Casey’s office still dragging my suitcase. I had gone straight to work as not to loose anymore precious time.

“Hey Casey.” He looked exhausted. As if HBO had been on fire and he was the only man with a working hose.”

“When was the last time you had a break.”

“No time”. I started to protest but he gave me a look that said “sit down and shut up”.

I held up my hands in defeat and sat down.

“How we are doing on the minisodes.”

“The first four are written and have to be filmed.” The team had done an excellent job on these. I had written the majority of the first two myself. Something to set the tone for the show. They quickly caught onto my style and were performing beautifully.  

“How long till they are ready for broadcast?”

“Two weeks.” Technically I had it mapped out for a week and a half but I thought a bit of extra time couldn’t hurt.

“Perfect” he said making a note, and looking up at me.

With a bit of foreboding I asked “Why?”

“You’re booked on Colbert in two weeks.” My response was half cursing and groans of anxiety.

“What does it matter if we put out a show when no one knows about it? You’re the host and with that visible person here. The fact that you are already rich and semi-famous helps.“ At least he didn’t pull his punches.”  

“Please don’t make me do this.”

“You knew what you signed up for. You’re lucky I didn’t give you to one of the other guys. Colbert actually knows what he’s talking about.”

“I like the guy, but…” Watching his monologues on Youtube was a long way away from sitting in his blue chair and under those studio lights.  

“No but, you’re doing it. All the public knows is that there is something in the works, we can still pull the show with ease.” I closed my eyes. There it was. His trump card.

“It seems like I have no choice.”

“Correct, but Gucchi did send over some choices.”

“Do I need to wear heels for this interview.”

“If you don’t want to look like a pregnant woman, yes.” I rolled my eyes.  

“Is that an order”

“Yes.” His voice was clipped. The stress was really getting to him. That coal mine CEO case must be worse than I thought.

“Fine but it won’t be six inch stilettos.” I had to make some sort of stand.  

A smirk stole over his face “I can live with that.” I got up to leave. I was already picking up my suitcase when he said.

“One more thing. You need to think of some sort of interesting personal thing to talk about. Make it your boyfriend.” How the hell had he known? I didn’t want to do this now. Two weeks was too short.

“I don’t have a…”

“Really? You just spent a week and a half in LA, a city you hate, and yet you asked for an extension. So who is it?”

“I think I am going to respect the privacy of my secret boyfriend.” Most people would have left it at that. Preferring not to pry into the personal lives of their employees.

“So he’s a celebrity.” There was no point in arguing.

“Yes.”

“That would be a great story to tell on air. Gush about your relationship a bit. It gives the show a more approachable face.”

“I’ll think about it.” He returned to his work and I took that as a sign that I was dismissed.

I sank into my office chair feeling utterly defeated. Is this really what I wanted? To be paraded around like a show pony? To be at Casey’s beck and call. To his credit though he had signed off on every script idea we had had. No complaints or partisan ideology enforced, but talking about Seth on TV? What was the best phrase “I really like this sweet guy but I have this tendency to fuck it all up”. This was getting to be all a bit too much so I took Seth’s advice and called him.


	27. Chapter 27

The second his voice hit my eardrum I felt a little bit better.

“Charlotte what’s wrong?”

I tried to play it off. Let the crazy out slowly. “Why does there have to be something wrong for me to call you?”

“Because you usually send me a snarky text message about me being old before you call.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes. One can’t have their sugar baby go awry.” I could practically see him shaking his head chucking. I didn’t think I was ever going to get tired of that.

“There is so much wrong with that sentence that I am not even going to try to unpack it.”

“Probably for the better.” I heard Seth typing on the other end and felt a wave of shame. This wasn’t right. “You know what this was stupid. I am sorry. I know you’re working.” As I stepped outside a wall of humid heat hit me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then went outside to hail a cab.

“Don’t do that. Don’t play off your pain. I am your boyfriend. This is what relationships are about. So what’s wrong?” I breathed.

“Casey booked me on Colbert in two weeks without consulting me.”

“Oh shit,” he breathed.

“Yeah that was my first thought too.” I finally found a cab and slipped inside.

“Go home take a bath listen to some music.” I rolled my eyes, and put my head on the headrest.

“That’s your advice? Take a spa day. Or better a spa night. Where is my “go back there and tell him to fuck off”? All you want me to do is sulk and soak.”

“You really wanna go back there and tell him to fuck off?”

“Yes.”

“Will it do you any good?”

“No, but I don’t care about that right now.” I knew he was right, but I didn’t want him to be. I also knew that he knew what he was talking about. There had been plenty of times where he had wanted to turn around and tell his bosses exactly where they could stick the cash he made them, but he knew not to.

“I know, hence the sulk and soak. Take the bath, and if you want to torch your show tomorrow you can do that then.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?” He sounded surprised. “You’re not going to put up a fight and come up with some insane insult?”

“No you make a reasonable point

“Since when are you reasonable?”

“I have to keep you on your toes remember.” I chuckled, said that I would call him tomorrow, and hung up the phone.

As I got out the cab an idea came to me. The best thing about living in a hotel was that there was food available 24/7. Getting to know the chef was the first thing I had done when I had moved in. I pulled out my phone and dialed the kitchen, and ordered all the comfort food I could. I wasn’t going to sulk on an empty stomach. 

I stumbled off the elevator searching for my key. Why did they have to make them so small and hard to find. At least I still had a key to my room. The lower floors now had blank white cards, which made it harder for people to break in, but also harder to find. 

I finally found the little bastard under some candy wrappers. We desperately needed to get rid of that stupid vending machine at work. I looked up to find Seth leaning against the door frame of my room completely engrossed in his phone. 

I stood there a second looking at him. He was wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and some new leather jacket. He looked a little tired but not sick. There was a light five o’clock shadow, and his hair product was slowly losing its hold. So what was usually an orchestrated mess was now an actual mess. I smiled and said a bit loudly.

“Seth?” He started, swore, and dropped his phone. My smile broadened.

“What are you doing here?”

“Surprising you.” He picked up the lilies that had been leaning against the wall. “I brought you these.”  He knew that lilies are my favorite. My mouth spit out the first question that came to my head.

“What did you do?

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” I was, I just couldn’t quite believe that he was here without motivation.

“Very, just weary.” There had been something nipping at my subconscious. I had just passed it off as left over jealousy, but maybe…

My reporter instincts kicked in. “The flight from LA is 5 and half hours long. We talked max thirty minutes ago.”

“I thought your first day back might be a bit hard. So after you left…”

“You didn’t put a suitcase in the car this morning.”

“I went back and packed. Can’t you just..”

“No.” I said sternly and he threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Fine cross examine me. I didn’t just fly cross country…” I cut him off.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“I know. I wanted to make you smile, and I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I am happy to see. Of course I am. I am just…” I didn’t know how that sentence ended.

“What?” He looked annoyed, as if I was a little girl who had just eaten his last brownie.

“Just answer my questions.” He held up his hands again, this time in surrender.

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

“When did you decide to come?”

“After your plane took off. I went back home packed a bag.”  He indicated the bag.

“Private or commercial.”

“Private.”

“Take off?”

“About 2:30.”

“It’s 10pm. How long have you been here?”

“About an hour. It took an hour and change to get here from JFK. So I went home packed, called the pilot and had him ready the plane. Went to the office and worked for a couple of hours. Why does it matter?”

“It matters to me.” I shook my head. “I just don’t know why.” 

He gave me a soft smile, put down the flowers, and put his arms around me. “Because you’re a control freak with commitment issues?” I sighed.

“Probably. How about I make it up to you with room service? I already called from the car.” I untangled myself from him and unlocked the door. As I bent down to pick up my briefcase, and I heard Seth let out a breath.

“Holy shit. This is huge. Is that real gold?” I straightened and followed him into the room.

“Welcome to the [Imperial Suite](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.stregissuites.com%2Fproperty%2Fthe-st-regis-new-york%2F%23imperial-suite&t=MTQ1OTM5ZDY3MzMyOWIyODAxY2IwNmRiMTcwY2I2OGI1MmE4Y2U3NyxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1). It’s mine for the foreseeable future.”

“This is insane.” He looked like a kid that had wandered into a museum unattended.

“I know. It’s not my favorite though. The Waterloo Suite in the Royal Horseguard in London is the best.” I dropped my briefcase and key at the door and started to peel off my suit. As always the maid had washed my pajamas and put them on the bed.

“Is this how you grew up?”

“God no. Only when we traveled. Though my mother is partial to the Waldorf Astoria Penthouse. Though Dad likes the Bedwin, says he likes having his own space.”

I pulled my hair out of the bun it had been in all day, and shook it out. Took off my pearl earrings and necklace, threw them on my bedside table, and walked into the bathroom to take off my makeup.

“That’s a 22-room apartment in New York City.”

“Yep. Grandma stays in Boston. The world would end if her and mom spend too long in the same city.” I cleaned off the makeup and and put on the stupid moisturizer that Charlize had bought me while out shopping last week. Something about how my skin should shine and not just be. I had just taken it to shut her up. The [plum Roland Mouret dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.selfridges.com%2FGB%2Fen%2Fcat%2Froland-mouret-hirta-crepe-dress_417-2001420-EW171613F4044%2F%3FpreviewAttribute%3DAubergine&t=YTNmMzA4NTAwMGRhYmQwODI5Nzc3M2MwYTY3YTZiMjJkMzdlZTRmZCxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1) was next.

I walked back into the room to Seth saying “Does she stay the Ritz Carlton and…” he trailed off realizing that I was sans-dress.  “You’re not wearing any clothes.”

“Well spotted Sherlock. It’s called getting ready for bed.” I mocked, pulling on my pajama shorts and taking off my bra to replace it with the white wife-beater tank-top. As I was pulling the shirt over my head I looked up to to see him staring at me. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before. In fact you saw me naked this morning.”

He walked over to me and put his arms around my hips again.

“But it’s always a pleasure. Come to think of it, take it off.”

“I’m too tired for that.”

“No not that. The sulk and soak.” Now he looked excited.  

“But I am not sulky anymore.” All I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep.

“Ok but a bath might be nice, and judging from what I have seen this suite is going to have great bath soaps.”

“They actually made a deal with Lush and have bath bombs.”

“Even better come on it will do you some good.” He took my hand and pulled me towards the white marble bathroom.

“You just want to continue seeing me naked.”

“That it’s definitely a perk, but I wouldn’t mind not stinking like airplane.”

“Who said you get to take the bath with me?” He turned on the hot water and the tub started to fill. I took off my off my shirt and pants, and looked up because Seth was silent. He was staring again.

“Good to know that I can shut you up by simply taking off my shirt. They are boobs, not exactly exciting.”

“I disagree, plus the woman attached to them definitely is.”

My cheeks heated and I relented. “Ok you get to come in the bathtub.”

Ten minutes and a long discussion about what the “right” bath bomb later I was sitting eyes closed in gloriously warm water, leaning against Seth and smelling the rose-hip and lavender infused bath bomb. To be fair to the bath bomb it was very relaxing. I opened my eyes and slowly said.

“To answer your question I didn’t grow up in any of these places. They got them all when I moved out. I grew up in upstate New York.” He chuckled.  

“Among the Vanderbilts and castles.”  

“Yeah yeah make fun of my upbringing.”

“I am not making fun…” I turned my head around to face him, and he backtracked.

“Ok I am, but it just seems so…” I put my cheek on his chest, and closed my eyes again.

“Alien?”

“Yeah, I grew up in a…”  

“Tiny-ass town that is only semi famous because you’re semi-famous.”

“Hey I am at least ¾ famous.” I breathed out a small laugh and he kissed the top of my head.

““You’ll get used to it.”

“God I hope not. Any other crazy family stories?” That was new. I had never known anyone who wanted to hear my crazy family stories.

“Oh we haven’t even started. My grandma is still pissed that I didn’t let her bid on the [Boldt Castle](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBoldt_Castle&t=NmZkOGZiNjBiNmVlNDk4YzE2YjUwY2Q1ZWU2YzI3NzU5Y2UxNzkyMyxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1) so it could be restored and opened as a museum.”  

“A castle?” I closed my eyes again, feeling sleep overtake me.  

“Yep, just because we don’t have titles or kings doesn’t mean we don’t have an aristocracy.”


	28. Chapter 28

Seth’s phone rings as he’s about to go on stage. He ducks out of the green room, and accepts the call. Her face appears. This time she’s fully clothed and at work. From what he can tell, Charlotte is lying on her couch. She smiles when she sees his face.

“Hey, we’re about to go on. Can I call you back later?” Her face falls comically.

“Sure. I’ll be here. Eating lunch by myself." 

He mock sighs. 

"You trying to guilt me?”

“Absolutely not.” Charlotte gives him a grin, and then he hears a door open. She twists around in her chair, and is quickly evasive. “John just walked into my office so I’m going to have lunch with him now." 

She ends the call. She still hasn’t told anyone about them. He knew why, but it still hurt. At some point during the panel his phone vibrates and he, hopefully, checks it discreetly. 

Charlotte: You’re in luck. I just added about 45 minutes to my lunch hour because John brought in donuts and I can’t be held responsible for what I do around donuts. 

After the panel he finds a quiet corner, or as quiet as Comic-Con allowed. She answers licking her fingers. There were days he swore she knew exactly what she was doing. At least she was back behind her desk. 

"You’re just in time. I just finished my donut.”

“You were going to make me wait for you to finish your donut. It’s not like I’m cramped in a janitor’s closet." He felt like a boy who got left at prom and now had to hide in shame. She smiled. 

"You’re just lucky that this donut isn’t a person, because I would drop you in a heartbeat for this donut man." 

Her face lit up in surprise. 

"I forgot to tell you, they finally forced me to join Twitter. I was supposed to send my first tweet half an hour ago, and I think I might make Casey’s head explode if I don’t do it. Any ideas?" 

Charlotte wasn’t the kind of person that could form her thoughts into 180 characters, for her it was more of a three-page essay with citations.

"Do something about the show.” He suggested blindly. He knew what he wanted her first tweet to be. There were moments where he thought about just telling the world. Picking up his phone and announcing to the world that he had a girlfriend, but if he did he would find himself without a girlfriend. 

“Show won’t be announced till tomorrow. That’s why I have no idea what to tweet. I had one of my guys explain to me how to use it and I still don’t get it.”

“I’ll help you through it." 

She snorted a laugh.

"The blind leading the blind.”

“I can do twitter.” She gave a disbelieving laugh, and stage whispered.

“Ok old man.”

“If I wasn’t…” She was still smirking. 

“Sitting on the other side of the country with a three hour time difference?” She burst into giggles and he had to join in. Then her expression changed into that scared little girl, and his heart squeezed tight again. “I just don’t want it to be stupid." 

This was a woman who had, just to annoy him, listed the entire current line of succession, and if he hadn’t kissed her probably would have kept going back in history.

“I don’t think you’ve ever been stupid." 

"I went home with you.”

“You are just full of wiseass today.” Her phone pinged and she looked down, and frowned. 

“They are sending me pictures of outfits for tomorrow. I think I might just slit my throat." Seth knew words of comfort wouldn’t help, so he steered the conversation another way. 

"Did you see the email I sent you this morning?”

“Yeah I have been trying to block out since. I didn’t think it could get worse. How can you not know what century the Civil War was fought or name at least one right that the first amendment gives you?” 

He cocked his head and gave her a grin.

"It gives me the right to run through my house naked singing Barbie Girl.” She gave a quick burst of laugh, and the outfits were all but forgotten.

“That’s actually an interesting question, because you have to consider…" His mind focused away from her words to her face. 

It was animated and flush. Her green eyes alight with eagerness. A couple of strands of her dark hair had come loose from the tight bun she usually wore to work. He knew the dress code at HBO wasn’t strict, but Charlotte was always dressed to a tee. Since chain mail was out of fashion she used Armani to arm herself instead. 

He hadn’t noticed that she had stopped speaking until she said loudly "I saw Colin, the war reporter I lost my virginity to, the other day. Freshly divorced and ready to… relive the past.” That snapped him right out of his thoughts. She raised an eyebrow.

“Caught your attention?“ He fidgeted a little.

"Yeah sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you this time, but just because you’re cute.”

“What are you doing with that sweet sweet dragon money today?”

“I got presented promos today. There is something very weird about seeing your face on a poster.” He gave a huff of laughter. He didn’t think he’d ever get over it.

“Tell me about it.”

“The first time you had Charlize next to you, this time you have Adrianne. So a total of nobody is looking at you in those posters." 

A lot of people would have just played to his ego. Charlotte didn’t. There was something refreshing in that. To be fair, he didn’t think she could actually play to someone’s ego for any length of time before telling them how stupid they are. 

"It just feels weird that those things are going to be on billboards. Why would I want to be on billboards? At least we cut the stupid bikini idea.” He didn’t want to ask, but he had to. 

“What bikini idea?”

“There was a guy in the PR department who wanted me to pose in my US monuments bikini…“ Seth could feel his anger build for this low-life who wanted to take his hardworking, super smart girlfriend and turn her into a roadside sex attraction. 

"Seriously?” For a second he was glad there was a whole country between him and Charlotte, because otherwise there would a good chance that someone in the PR department wasn’t going to show up to work tomorrow. 

“Now it’s just me behind the desk, and one of me leaning on the desk from behind…” This time he laughed first, and a second she followed with her own fits of giggles to the point that there were tears in her eyes. 

Through her giggles she said. “They do look incredibly cheesy, but maybe it will convince people to watch.” As Charlotte tried and failed to compose herself, Seth’s mind started to wander again.

There was always something going on in her head, which made it all the more satisfying when he could empty it of all coherent thought. It was easy to empty a glass of water, but an ocean was another matter entirely. It’s what fascinated him about her. 

Not only that she probably had fifty IQ points on him but that her brain was always in motion. They could be talking about nothing at all and he could see her mind 50 miles ahead of his. It usually took him a couple of seconds just to catch up. 

He loved it, but he had to admit it was intimidating. It had been what had driven Matt away. She felt responsible, and in a way she was. Matt had seen her intelligence as a threat. 

He hadn’t wanted an equal; he wanted a wife that did what she was told and not much more. Fuck, cook, and clean, and Charlotte was only good at one of those. 

“What about you?” He was confused and gestured behind him. To be fair all that was behind him was, what he hoped was a clean mop, and some sort of homemade detergent. 

"That’s where you are. Not news.“ He thought of the email he had gotten this morning. It had filled him with so much pride. He had wanted to go back to hand drawn animation for years. Everything else just kept getting in the way. 

"Ari emailed…”

“Emanuel?” To preempt any sort of rant about Ari or his brother he added. “He’s a colorful man.”

Her reaction was not what he had expected. 

“Oh I like him. Let’s talk when you’ve been married for 20 years. That takes effort.” There was that familiar ache in his chest, a constant presence, which Charlotte seemed to ignore. 

“What did the email say?”

“Don Bluth wants to work with me.” The excitement from this morning flooded back to him. 

“Wait… Anastasia right?” He nodded. He knew it was an informal meeting, but that hadn’t stopped him from worrying all day about it. It had slipped his mind only when talking to Charlotte. She had a way of making sure nothing else mattered.

“I love that movie. So much better than Cinderella.” Her eyes lit up with something Seth could only describe as mischief. “How do you combine Anastasia, a story about love and heroics, with a talking teddy bear that likes to fuck cash registers?" 

That had been his first thought, after he initial thrill had faded. 

"All Ari said is that he wants to meet." 

Her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "And you didn’t ask why?”

“It’s Don Bluth, who cares what he wants. I’d let him fuck me with a spork on my kitchen island if it meant working on a project.” She rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same. 

“You are such a nerd.”

“You know you love me.” He hadn’t meant it. I mean he had but it wasn’t intentional. 

Charlotte’s eyes darkened for a second and then she smiled and said “something like that.”

He quickly changed the subject. This wasn’t the time to talk about love.

He wasn’t sure that he wanted her answer.


	29. Chapter 29

The second his voice hit my eardrum I felt a little bit better.

“Charlotte what’s wrong?”

I tried to play it off. Let the crazy out slowly. “Why does there have to be something wrong for me to call you?”

“Because you usually send me a snarky text message about me being old before you call.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes. One can’t have their sugar baby go awry.” I could practically see him shaking his head chucking. I didn’t think I was ever going to get tired of that.

“There is so much wrong with that sentence that I am not even going to try to unpack it.”

“Probably for the better.” I heard Seth typing on the other end and felt a wave of shame. This wasn’t right. “You know what this was stupid. I am sorry. I know you’re working.” As I stepped outside a wall of humid heat hit me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then went outside to hail a cab.

“Don’t do that. Don’t play off your pain. I am your boyfriend. This is what relationships are about. So what’s wrong?” I breathed.

“Casey booked me on Colbert in two weeks without consulting me.”

“Oh shit,” he breathed.

“Yeah that was my first thought too.” I finally found a cab and slipped inside.

“Go home take a bath listen to some music.” I rolled my eyes, and put my head on the headrest.

“That’s your advice? Take a spa day. Or better a spa night. Where is my “go back there and tell him to fuck off”? All you want me to do is sulk and soak.”

“You really wanna go back there and tell him to fuck off?”

“Yes.”

“Will it do you any good?”

“No, but I don’t care about that right now.” I knew he was right, but I didn’t want him to be. I also knew that he knew what he was talking about. There had been plenty of times where he had wanted to turn around and tell his bosses exactly where they could stick the cash he made them, but he knew not to.

“I know, hence the sulk and soak. Take the bath, and if you want to torch your show tomorrow you can do that then.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?” He sounded surprised. “You’re not going to put up a fight and come up with some insane insult?”

“No you make a reasonable point

“Since when are you reasonable?”

“I have to keep you on your toes remember.” I chuckled, said that I would call him tomorrow, and hung up the phone.

As I got out the cab an idea came to me. The best thing about living in a hotel was that there was food available 24/7. Getting to know the chef was the first thing I had done when I had moved in. I pulled out my phone and dialed the kitchen, and ordered all the comfort food I could. I wasn’t going to sulk on an empty stomach. 

I stumbled off the elevator searching for my key. Why did they have to make them so small and hard to find. At least I still had a key to my room. The lower floors now had blank white cards, which made it harder for people to break in, but also harder to find. 

I finally found the little bastard under some candy wrappers. We desperately needed to get rid of that stupid vending machine at work. I looked up to find Seth leaning against the door frame of my room completely engrossed in his phone. 

I stood there a second looking at him. He was wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and some new leather jacket. He looked a little tired but not sick. There was a light five o’clock shadow, and his hair product was slowly losing its hold. So what was usually an orchestrated mess was now an actual mess. I smiled and said a bit loudly.

“Seth?” He started, swore, and dropped his phone. My smile broadened.

“What are you doing here?”

“Surprising you.” He picked up the lilies that had been leaning against the wall. “I brought you these.”  He knew that lilies are my favorite. My mouth spit out the first question that came to my head.

“What did you do?

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” I was, I just couldn’t quite believe that he was here without motivation.

“Very, just weary.” There had been something nipping at my subconscious. I had just passed it off as left over jealousy, but maybe…

My reporter instincts kicked in. “The flight from LA is 5 and half hours long. We talked max thirty minutes ago.”

“I thought your first day back might be a bit hard. So after you left…”

“You didn’t put a suitcase in the car this morning.”

“I went back and packed. Can’t you just..”

“No.” I said sternly and he threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Fine cross examine me. I didn’t just fly cross country…” I cut him off.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“I know. I wanted to make you smile, and I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I am happy to see. Of course I am. I am just…” I didn’t know how that sentence ended.

“What?” He looked annoyed, as if I was a little girl who had just eaten his last brownie.

“Just answer my questions.” He held up his hands again, this time in surrender.

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

“When did you decide to come?”

“After your plane took off. I went back home packed a bag.”  He indicated the bag.

“Private or commercial.”

“Private.”

“Take off?”

“About 2:30.”

“It’s 10pm. How long have you been here?”

“About an hour. It took an hour and change to get here from JFK. So I went home packed, called the pilot and had him ready the plane. Went to the office and worked for a couple of hours. Why does it matter?”

“It matters to me.” I shook my head. “I just don’t know why.” 

He gave me a soft smile, put down the flowers, and put his arms around me. “Because you’re a control freak with commitment issues?” I sighed.

“Probably. How about I make it up to you with room service? I already called from the car.” I untangled myself from him and unlocked the door. As I bent down to pick up my briefcase, and I heard Seth let out a breath.

“Holy shit. This is huge. Is that real gold?” I straightened and followed him into the room.

“Welcome to the [Imperial Suite](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.stregissuites.com%2Fproperty%2Fthe-st-regis-new-york%2F%23imperial-suite&t=MTQ1OTM5ZDY3MzMyOWIyODAxY2IwNmRiMTcwY2I2OGI1MmE4Y2U3NyxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1). It’s mine for the foreseeable future.”

“This is insane.” He looked like a kid that had wandered into a museum unattended.

“I know. It’s not my favorite though. The Waterloo Suite in the Royal Horseguard in London is the best.” I dropped my briefcase and key at the door and started to peel off my suit. As always the maid had washed my pajamas and put them on the bed.

“Is this how you grew up?”

“God no. Only when we traveled. Though my mother is partial to the Waldorf Astoria Penthouse. Though Dad likes the Bedwin, says he likes having his own space.”

I pulled my hair out of the bun it had been in all day, and shook it out. Took off my pearl earrings and necklace, threw them on my bedside table, and walked into the bathroom to take off my makeup.

“That’s a 22-room apartment in New York City.”

“Yep. Grandma stays in Boston. The world would end if her and mom spend too long in the same city.” I cleaned off the makeup and and put on the stupid moisturizer that Charlize had bought me while out shopping last week. Something about how my skin should shine and not just be. I had just taken it to shut her up. The [plum Roland Mouret dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.selfridges.com%2FGB%2Fen%2Fcat%2Froland-mouret-hirta-crepe-dress_417-2001420-EW171613F4044%2F%3FpreviewAttribute%3DAubergine&t=YTNmMzA4NTAwMGRhYmQwODI5Nzc3M2MwYTY3YTZiMjJkMzdlZTRmZCxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1) was next.

I walked back into the room to Seth saying “Does she stay the Ritz Carlton and…” he trailed off realizing that I was sans-dress.  “You’re not wearing any clothes.”

“Well spotted Sherlock. It’s called getting ready for bed.” I mocked, pulling on my pajama shorts and taking off my bra to replace it with the white wife-beater tank-top. As I was pulling the shirt over my head I looked up to to see him staring at me. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before. In fact you saw me naked this morning.”

He walked over to me and put his arms around my hips again.

“But it’s always a pleasure. Come to think of it, take it off.”

“I’m too tired for that.”

“No not that. The sulk and soak.” Now he looked excited.  

“But I am not sulky anymore.” All I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep.

“Ok but a bath might be nice, and judging from what I have seen this suite is going to have great bath soaps.”

“They actually made a deal with Lush and have bath bombs.”

“Even better come on it will do you some good.” He took my hand and pulled me towards the white marble bathroom.

“You just want to continue seeing me naked.”

“That it’s definitely a perk, but I wouldn’t mind not stinking like airplane.”

“Who said you get to take the bath with me?” He turned on the hot water and the tub started to fill. I took off my off my shirt and pants, and looked up because Seth was silent. He was staring again.

“Good to know that I can shut you up by simply taking off my shirt. They are boobs, not exactly exciting.”

“I disagree, plus the woman attached to them definitely is.”

My cheeks heated and I relented. “Ok you get to come in the bathtub.”

Ten minutes and a long discussion about what the “right” bath bomb later I was sitting eyes closed in gloriously warm water, leaning against Seth and smelling the rose-hip and lavender infused bath bomb. To be fair to the bath bomb it was very relaxing. I opened my eyes and slowly said.

“To answer your question I didn’t grow up in any of these places. They got them all when I moved out. I grew up in upstate New York.” He chuckled.  

“Among the Vanderbilts and castles.”  

“Yeah yeah make fun of my upbringing.”

“I am not making fun…” I turned my head around to face him, and he backtracked.

“Ok I am, but it just seems so…” I put my cheek on his chest, and closed my eyes again.

“Alien?”

“Yeah, I grew up in a…”  

“Tiny-ass town that is only semi famous because you’re semi-famous.”

“Hey I am at least ¾ famous.” I breathed out a small laugh and he kissed the top of my head.

““You’ll get used to it.”

“God I hope not. Any other crazy family stories?” That was new. I had never known anyone who wanted to hear my crazy family stories.

“Oh we haven’t even started. My grandma is still pissed that I didn’t let her bid on the [Boldt Castle](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBoldt_Castle&t=NmZkOGZiNjBiNmVlNDk4YzE2YjUwY2Q1ZWU2YzI3NzU5Y2UxNzkyMyxxUHVtTmVLZw%3D%3D&b=t%3A_6p1wXnVmVfRb2M44atW_w&p=http%3A%2F%2Fevs14u.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F163385980115%2Fan-sorry-it-has-been-over-three-weeks-but-i-had&m=1) so it could be restored and opened as a museum.”  

“A castle?” I closed my eyes again, feeling sleep overtake me.  

“Yep, just because we don’t have titles or kings doesn’t mean we don’t have an aristocracy.”


	30. Chapter 30

Seth MacFarlane had no idea how he had gotten on the Tiffany’s website. It was a bad idea to look at those rings. To imagine what could be. He knew Charlotte wasn’t remotely ready, but that didn’t mean he could stop himself from hoping. It felt wrong. He knew he was pushing her, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and he didn’t see the point of waiting. He had felt the same way about Emilia, and that hadn’t exactly gone the way he wanted.

A ping from his phone dragged his eyes away from his, hopefully, sparkling future.

He was proud not to get a lot of emails from Ari, and when he did it was usually good news. The text of email was brief and a link glared blue at the bottom. Links from Ari were almost never a good thing.

_I told you this would fucking happen. This is why you fucking pay me._

Seth clicked the link thinking that someone had decided to release some sort of lies. Seth groaned, it was so much worse.

_“TMZ has it from a confidential source that FOX’s boy wonder Seth MacFarlane is dating Charlotte Arden (30). Arden is the heir of the multi-billion dollar Arden fortune. She was previously engaged to…”_

So, it went on. No mention off the show, which had been announced that morning, no mention of her time as a conflict reporter or her stellar education. They had even included her age. This was the worst possible way this could have ended.

He knew Charlotte would call him. Seth knew she would see it. He knew he should be the one to tell her. The one to absorb her initial reaction. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Seth MacFarlane was being a coward, and he knew it.

He didn’t want to see her face crumble. To see her shrink from the world. To leave him. That was a possibility. She was a woman of convictions. Usually Seth loved it, but she would just cut him out of her life. He didn’t think he could bear it. Then his phone dinged. A text from Charlotte.

_**Charlotte:** I just saw it, but I’m going into a meeting. Let’s hope the top people at HBO haven’t checked twitter this morning._

He estimated it to be a 45-minute meeting. Top executives didn’t have a lot of time. So, he waited the 45 minutes, throwing a stress ball against his office door. It was one of the stress reduction gadgets they had given him after he ended up in the hospital. When he couldn’t take it anymore he called her, and after two rings she sent him to voicemail. Seth called again. He knew she was out of the meeting, and he knew that she had her phone.

_**Seth:** Charlotte stop fucking ignoring me_

_**Charlotte:**  I’m not ignoring you I just have to work_

_**Seth:**  Just answer your fucking phone_

As a response Charlotte called him.

“I have to do a shit ton of work before going on TV tonight. I don’t have time for your whining right now.”

“Whining? What the fuck?”

“I don’t need an it’s-all-ok-Charlotte. I just need time to finish what I’m…fuck.” There were tears in her voice.  

“I forgot I had a second…” If the situation hadn’t been so fucked up he would have laughed.

“You really should never work in television you are a horrific actress.”

“So, I don’t have to lie I am just going to hang up.”

“Charlotte wait…” she had already hung up.

He turned around in his chair once and the started working. It would all be fine. He would see her later at the taping. 6 hours later, completely out of breath, and ready to both collapse and puke at the same time he found Charlotte in The Late Show’s green room pacing as if the carpet had personally wronged her. She heard him enter, or more accurately she heard him trying to catch his breath and not ruin the carpet.

“What?” Charlotte snapped at him. She was a ball of nervous energy. Her dark hair was already all done up, some sort of elaborate bun. She was wearing a black dress, that perfectly set off her blue eyes. Eyes that were full of tension that threatened to unravel at any moment.

“How are you?”

“I said I was fine.” She registered the incredulity on his face and threw up her hands. “You mean TMZ breaking the news on our relationship. It has had absolutely no impact on my mood.”

“Charlotte.” He had seen her anxious, but this was something else. This was jittery. She was shaking, and even though she wasn’t crying her eyes were distinctly glassy. Her voice rose another octave, and she increased her pacing.

“I’m serious. I am so happy that someone took it upon themselves to invade my privacy and share it with the world.” Her shaking worsened. He did the only thing he could think of. He took the shivering girl into his arms. He felt her go limp and put her head on his chest.

“Charlotte it’s me,” he whispered.  

“It’s my worst nightmare.“ She started sobbing, before he could stop himself he asked harshly.

“Worst nightmare really?” She looked up and he saw her face. Charlotte, his Charlotte, looked scared.

“Yes Seth. I know for you this is all roses and champagne bubbles, but this is important to me.” Seth’s pride rose to his defense.

“You don’t think it’s important to me?”

“Yes… no… I mean that if I’d let you would have written our relationship announcement in sky writing.”

“God no, sky writing is so last season.” She burst out laughing, and kissed him, hard. Charlotte’s hands in his hair, his hands on her hips. He could feel the band of her underwear through the thin material of the dress, and smirked. One of the producers signaled ten seconds, and Seth spun Charlotte towards the curtain, gave her ass a little pat, and whispered in her ear.

“Game on girlfriend. “

“Ladies and Gentlemen Charlotte Arden.” She squared her shoulders, and stepped through the curtain. Stephen really had been the best choice for Charlotte. He was a good interviewer so she wouldn’t be bored.

“Thank you for having me.”

“You’ve had a pretty whirlwind of a year.”

“Yeah, a year ago I was getting shot at by the Taliban now I’m working for HBO.”

“Civics. So why is civic education important?”

“People seem to think that we are at the worst point in the world’s history, though by almost every humanitarian marker the opposite is true. People, on average, are living longer and healthier lives. They seem to have this gut reaction, and I think people should know what they are talking about. Education is the silver bullet, and if a country is made for, by, and of the people then those people better be informed about how their democracy works. It’s my job to educate and inform. Plus, you’re better at the jokes Stephen.”

“Talking about comedy. We found out today that you have a boyfriend. King of jokes Seth Macfarlane of all people. How did that happen?

We met at a fancy New Year’s Eve party and decided to leave to get Chipotle.” She was perfect up there. Relaxed, she smiled in all the right places, and didn’t fidget.

“I have to ask you’re friends with Emilia Clarke?”

“Yes, we have been friends for about ten years, and no even I haven’t been allowed to ride a dragon. Frankly furious with her.” Seth caught the confusion on Stephen’s face a second too late, not that he could have done anything about what happened next.

“She’s ok with you dating Seth?”

“Yeah, why shouldn’t she be?”

“They used to be a couple.” Seth saw the information register on Charlotte’s face. She wasn’t fast enough to cover up her shock. He could see the tears forming in her eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

Charlotte had no idea how she got off that stage. She sank on to the couch in the dressing room. It felt like she would die of shame. Just keel over, and it would all be over. The door opened, and Stephen burst in.

“Charlotte, I am sorry I didn’t…” She waved him off, and gave him a small smile.  

“It’s not your fault. It was a great interview. I was actually having fun.

“We can pull the segment.” Charlotte was grateful, but she knew it would never work.

“You have a live studio audience. You don’t think this will get out? Hell, I am surprised your EP hasn’t come in here and asked me if they can release a teaser.”

“I asked him not to.”  

“Thank you.” Charlotte took a deep breath, it did nothing to calm her. “Don’t pull it, promo the hell out of it if you need to. It’s not your fault.” Seth burst into the room. He had a wild look in his eyes. This was his nightmare come true. He knew she had to find out some time, but did it have to be now?

“Charlotte let him…” She cut him off with a derisive laugh.

“Cover your ass? We live in the internet age.” She looked halfway between exploding and imploding.

“The audience signs NDA’s till the show airs.” Stephen tried.

“I know, but… I am not hiding.”

“Ok I’ll let you two be. Charlotte your welcome back anytime.” He really was the nicest late-night host. Charlotte and Seth sat in suspended silence for a minute, both not knowing what to say. She stood up and faced him, anger replacing the sadness and humiliation.

“It’s going to be all over YouTube. This is all anyone’s going to be talking about tomorrow. Hey, I’ll probably even get a spot in the monologues. Let’s see how many blindsided jokes Kimmel/Fallon can make. I am going to be a laughing stock.  It won’t be the show I have worked on for so long. It will be me finding out on national television that you used to fuck my best friend. I can’t even blame Stephen. He had no fucking idea you were this stupid.”

“Please let me…” She cut him off. She had no time for this.

“Fuck you. The whole time you were looking out for your own self-interest. You had a million opportunities to tell me, and you just fucking lied.”

“Charlotte, I am so…” She wasn’t listening.

“One of my best friends… and you didn’t tell me. Come to think of it why didn’t she tell me? Did you two have a cozy little meeting about it? To find the best way to fuck me over?” She took another deep breath, and she told him the line that had been rattling around in her head since she got off stage. “You once told me that you would never make a fool out of me…” Her voice reverted back to the frightened little girl.

“Charlotte please.” Seth had to fix this. There was no other way. She couldn’t leave him. He needed her to stay.

“Why did you do it? Why didn’t you tell me? How immature do you think I am?”

Her face whitened, and she physically recoiled, as if Seth had punched her in the stomach. She whispered. “A year and a half. That’s what you said.”

“What?”

She felt sick to her stomach.

“You fucking asshole. You said No One Ever Tells You took a year and half to make. The thing came out in September of 2015. So, reasoning backwards. It’s about her, isn’t it? The whole album. I have been listening to it for months. I have been singing it in the fucking shower. You unmitigated fucking bastard. Why? Why would you lie to me?” She had had an inkling, but she had pushed it out of her mind. She hadn’t wanted to know.  

He reached out for her, but she took three steps back, reminding Seth of a frightened animal.

“Don’t you fucking dare. You could have told me about your inspiration. I just assumed there was some sort of heartbreak there. Charlize had said.” Charlotte stopped dead “She knew, didn’t she? So, did Bill. That night at the gala. You knew I had reservations. You know I am skittish in these situations and yet…”  

“That’s why I didn’t.” He had said the wrong thing. Tears started running down her face.  

“So you lying is my fault?”

“No.”

“What else have you been keeping from me? Hookers, Drugs? Is there meth habit I don’t know about? Are you the new Walter White with a passable Sinatra impression?” She had hit an nerve, and she didn’t care. Seth tried to keep calm.

“No, I am…”

“I mean if you’re lying about something like this it stands to reason.” Now Seth was yelling too.

“Stop with your reasoning. Why can’t I just say I love you?”

“I have been trying, don’t you get that? I get that people don’t like me very much. I am too smart, too rich, too much of an asshole, but even I don’t deserve to be outed on national television.

“Can we just go home?” She sank back onto the couch, and pulled her legs to her chest.

“It doesn’t really matter why you did it. All that matters is that you took the one thing you promised never to do to me and did it. In the cruelest fashion imaginable. I gave you everything I could. I told you things I have never told anyone. I know how people see me, and they are mostly right, but you were supposed to be different. Isn’t that what relationships are about? Growth and acceptance. You think I like this? You think I like being called a cold stone bitch? When I was freaking out I called you.”

As if the night had decided that it could punish them just a little more, Charlotte’s eyes widened with another dreadful realization.

“The ring.” she breathed. That’s what Bill said, “she saw the ring and freaked out. You were going to marry her.” It wasn’t a question.

“Charlotte.”

“You were ready to marry my best friend. Wait you're… you’re the guy the new England kid with the funny voices. She told me… I just never connected the two. How could I not see it?”

“Please lets just go.” Charlotte gave an out of tune laugh.

“You should go. I’ll get Lucy to get my bags in the morning.”

“Where are you going?”

“That is no longer any of your fucking business.”  She straightened, ran a finger through her hair, and pulled out her phone. Without looking at him she said. “Due to the nature of this business we are going be crossing paths again. When we see each other it will be like old acquaintances.”

Seth opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. He knew nothing he would say now would make any difference. She was done with him.


End file.
